In cities and towns all over the world, the high volume of traffic is a problem. What are the causes of this and what actions can be taken to solve this problem?
Sample Response
It is undoubtedly the case that urban areas around the world increasingly suffer from traffic congestion. In this essay, I will examine the reasons for this trend and suggest some practical policies the authorities could implement to reduce the level of traffic in our cities. The first step is to understand why traffic has increased in towns and cities. Broadly speaking, there are three main reasons for this. One is that cars have become more affordable for the average consumers and they are no longer a luxury item, but something that most families expect to own. A second reason is that public transport has become increasingly unreliable in recent years, not least because many bus and train services have been reduced because of the difficulty in funding them. The third reason is that society has, in general, become more mobile and this means more people are prepared to commute to work by car than they were before. The biggest causes of traffic jam lack of proper road and bridges in cities. If there is an additional way for buses and large trucks in cities, traffic jams reduce in cities. There is almost certainly no one solution to this problem given the complexity of its causes. However, one option has to be to improve the reliability of public transport to encourage people to take the bus or the train rather than get in the car. It would also be possible to discourage people from driving to work by introducing special tariffs for using the roads, especially during peak periods. In conclusion, there are a variety of different factors that have led to rising levels of traffic in urban areas. While it may not be possible to find a complete solution but actions should probably involve encouraging more use of public transports.Furthermore, taxes on private cars should be increased and eco-friendly transportation like bicycles should be promoted.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix number agreement Original: the average consumers Suggested revision: the average consumer Why it matters: Average refers to a representative singular consumer here.
- 2. Fix noun and spacing Original: public transports.Furthermore Suggested revision: public transport. Furthermore Why it matters: Transport is uncountable here, and a space is required after the full stop.
- 3. Remove unnecessary comma Original: luxury item, but Suggested revision: luxury item but Why it matters: The paired complement no longer a luxury item but something does not need a comma.
- 4. Avoid repeated wording Original: have been reduced because of the difficulty in funding them Suggested revision: have been cut because they are difficult to fund Why it matters: The revision avoids repeating because while preserving the reason.
- 5. Streamline the adverb Original: society has, in general, become Suggested revision: society has generally become Why it matters: The integrated adverb makes the clause smoother without changing its meaning.
- 6. Tighten the link Original: and this means more people Suggested revision: , meaning that more people Why it matters: The participial link connects the consequence more concisely.
- 7. Choose precise wording Original: prepared to commute Suggested revision: willing to commute Why it matters: Willing more directly expresses readiness to make the journey.
- 8. Use natural phrasing Original: no one solution Suggested revision: no single solution Why it matters: No single solution is the idiomatic expression in this context.
- 9. State the option directly Original: one option has to be Suggested revision: one option is Why it matters: The simpler verb phrase states the proposal more directly.
- 10. Use concise wording Original: take the bus or the train Suggested revision: use buses or trains Why it matters: The revision expresses the same transport choices more concisely.
- 11. Separate the response stages Suggested revision: Organise the causes and proposed solutions into separate body paragraphs. Why it matters: A visible division would clarify the shift from explanation to response.
- 12. Group related causes Suggested revision: Place the road-infrastructure cause with the other causes before introducing solutions. Why it matters: This would prevent the cause sequence from being interrupted.
Suggested Rewrites
- the average consumers the average consumer
- public transports.Furthermore public transport. Furthermore
- luxury item, but luxury item but
- have been reduced because of the difficulty in funding them have been cut because they are difficult to fund
- society has, in general, become society has generally become
- and this means more people , meaning that more people
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response addresses both causes and solutions with clear progression and several relevant explanations, particularly the links between car ownership, weak public transport, and congestion. However, some later points are asserted briefly, paragraphing is weak, and a cluster of grammar and word-choice errors reduces precision. The priority is to organise causes and remedies into clear paragraphs and fully explain how each proposed measure would reduce traffic.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both parts of the task are addressed with relevant causes and practical solutions, though some ideas receive only brief support.
Explain the mechanism and likely effect of each later proposal, especially road expansion, higher car taxes, and bicycle promotion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a clear causes-to-solutions sequence and uses helpful signposting, but the response lacks effective paragraph division.
Separate the introduction, causes, solutions, and conclusion into focused paragraphs with one clear controlling purpose each.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a sufficiently broad topic vocabulary with generally appropriate phrasing, despite several inaccurate collocations and forms.
Improve precision in combinations such as traffic congestion, road infrastructure, public transport, and congestion charges.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex sentences is used successfully, but several agreement, article, and clause-structure errors are conspicuous.
Proofread clauses for a complete subject-verb structure and avoid double conjunctions such as while followed by but.