Television has changed the quality of life for the ordinary person. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Sample Response
Technology has been fascinating the mankind for decades now. Television is such marvels of modern technology. It is agreed that television has changed the quality of life of an ordinary person. This will be proved by looking at television’s ability to, alleviate boredom, and empower people.
To begin, television has provided humans with a viable past time without even leaving the comfort of their homes. For instance, instead of going through the hassle of getting to a movie theatre, a person can simply order a pay per view movie of their own choice by merely dialling few digits from their telephone. This luxury was not available to our ancestors, who didn’t have the blessing of television bestowed upon them and as a result had to endure a painstaking amount of boredom in their spare time. Thus, with television, the life quality of an ordinary person has made a quantum leap.
Furthermore, since the inception of television, informative programs have been empowering ordinary people to take actions which have the potential to change the course of their lives. For instance, it was through one such television program, that I came to know about the power of a human’s subconscious mind, which ultimately helped me to, admonish all limiting beliefs that I had about my abilities, and lead a much happier and fulfilling life. Because these kinds of television programs are dime a dozen in today’s world, enriching one’s life is not as hard as it used to be. This makes it clear, that television indeed has enhanced the quality of an ordinary individual.
Following the analysis of television’s capability to disseminate knowledge and provision of pleasure, it is manifested that with the help of television, an ordinary person’s life has taken a drastic turn for the better. It is expected that people will continue to bear fruits of this technological masterpiece.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove the article Original: the mankind Suggested revision: mankind Why it matters: Mankind is an uncountable noun and does not take the definite article here.
- 2. Fix number agreement Original: such marvels Suggested revision: such a marvel Why it matters: The singular subject Television requires a singular complement with an article.
- 3. Use natural phrasing Original: quality of life of an ordinary person Suggested revision: quality of life for an ordinary person Why it matters: For more naturally identifies the person whose life is affected.
- 4. Remove stray commas Original: to, alleviate boredom, and Suggested revision: to alleviate boredom and Why it matters: These commas incorrectly interrupt the infinitive and a two-item coordination.
- 5. Use one-word noun Original: past time Suggested revision: pastime Why it matters: Pastime is the correct noun for an activity done for enjoyment.
- 6. Add the article Original: dialling few digits Suggested revision: dialling a few digits Why it matters: The countable phrase few digits needs the article a in this construction.
- 7. Choose the preposition Original: from their telephone Suggested revision: on their telephone Why it matters: On is the natural preposition for performing an action by telephone.
- 8. Prefer precise wording Original: the blessing of television bestowed upon them Suggested revision: access to television Why it matters: Access to television expresses the intended contrast more directly and precisely.
- 9. Fix the collocation Original: a painstaking amount of boredom Suggested revision: considerable boredom Why it matters: Painstaking describes careful effort and does not naturally quantify boredom.
- 10. Use standard phrase Original: life quality Suggested revision: quality of life Why it matters: Quality of life is the standard English collocation.
- 11. Clarify the change Original: has made a quantum leap Suggested revision: has improved dramatically Why it matters: The replacement states the improvement directly without an overstated metaphor.
- 12. Use uncountable action Original: take actions Suggested revision: take action Why it matters: Take action is the conventional uncountable expression in this general sense.
Suggested Rewrites
- the mankind mankind
- such marvels such a marvel
- quality of life of an ordinary person quality of life for an ordinary person
- to, alleviate boredom, and to alleviate boredom and
- past time pastime
- dialling few digits dialling a few digits
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response maintains a clear position and develops two relevant benefits of television through coherent, well-supported paragraphs. Its main limitation is the frequent use of awkward or inaccurate wording, together with recurring article, punctuation, and sentence-structure errors that reduce precision despite leaving the message clear. The highest-priority improvement is to replace inflated or misused expressions with natural collocations and proofread complex sentences for grammatical control.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response directly answers the question with a consistent position and develops two relevant reasons using specific examples.
Develop the broader effect on ordinary people's quality of life more critically rather than relying on emphatic claims and one personal example.
Coherence and Cohesion
The ideas progress logically through a clear introduction, two focused body paragraphs, and a conclusion, with generally effective linking.
Use less formulaic signposting and refine internal sentence connections so that the argument flows without unnecessary commas or repeated conclusions.
Lexical Resource
The response shows a good range of topic vocabulary, but frequent awkward collocations and misused words reduce naturalness and precision.
Prioritise accurate combinations such as 'pastime,' 'quality of life,' and 'discard limiting beliefs' over elaborate but unsuitable expressions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures conveys the meaning clearly, although article, agreement, punctuation, and construction errors recur.
Proofread each complex sentence for articles, comma placement, and complete grammatical patterns, especially around infinitives and relative clauses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Television has changed the quality of life for the ordinary person. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.