Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?
Sample Response
In the modern world, computers and electronics entertainment devices have become totally pervasive in our society. Video game, one aspect of electronics entertainment, has triggered many debates about its positive and negative impact on health and psychology. Several studies have been done and researchers have divided opinion on the effects of video games on player's health and mentality. In my opinion, benefits of video games outshine the drawbacks if few cautions are taken by players in selecting the type of games. Among the bad effects of video games, its impact on health is most debated. Studies suggest that youngsters are spending more time at home than playing outside, which clearly has effects on their growth and development. But with the development of newer technologies, newer forms of games are available in the market, which encourages people to participate actively and physically in different sports. Sony Corporation, for example, has a virtual tennis game where a user needs to play with a computer holding a sensor in his hand which works as a tennis racket. This gives the user a virtual experience of a real game. And also helps to improve mind and body coordination by letting the user flex his responses. Therefore, choice of video game and the device make a lot of difference. Another important positive effect of the video game is on brain development and problem-solving skills. Online Puzzles and number games are increasingly being used by schools to improve thinking capacity of the pupil. Similarly, corporate have training programs designed in form of computer games. This helps to make sure that trainees focus and interest are maintained and maximum knowledge is passed in a fun filled way. Therefore, video games have a higher degree of positive effects on human than their negative effect and can be used as a tool for learning and development. But, like any other tool caution needs to be taken in selection and usage.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Wrong adjective form Original: electronics entertainment devices Suggested revision: electronic entertainment devices Why it matters: Use the adjective "electronic," not the noun "electronics."
- 2. Use plural/general noun Original: Video game, one aspect Suggested revision: Video games, one aspect Why it matters: The topic is video games in general.
- 3. Natural collocation Original: researchers have divided opinion Suggested revision: researchers have divided opinions Why it matters: The noun should be plural in this expression.
- 4. More formal verb Original: benefits of video games outshine Suggested revision: the benefits of video games outweigh Why it matters: "Outweigh" directly matches the essay question.
- 5. Article and noun form Original: if few cautions are taken Suggested revision: if a few precautions are taken Why it matters: This is the natural phrase.
- 6. Plural agreement Original: which encourages people Suggested revision: which encourage people Why it matters: The antecedent is "newer forms of games."
- 7. Fragment Original: And also helps Suggested revision: It also helps Why it matters: This needs a subject to form a complete sentence.
- 8. Add article/plural Original: choice of video game and the device Suggested revision: the choice of video game and device Why it matters: This makes the noun phrase grammatical.
- 9. Lowercase noun Original: Online Puzzles Suggested revision: online puzzles Why it matters: Do not capitalise a common noun mid-sentence.
- 10. Correct noun Original: corporate have training programs Suggested revision: companies have training programs Why it matters: "Corporate" is not a plural noun here.
- 11. Possessive form Original: trainees focus and interest Suggested revision: trainees' focus and interest Why it matters: The phrase needs a possessive noun.
- 12. Natural plural Original: positive effects on human Suggested revision: positive effects on humans Why it matters: Use the plural noun for people in general.
Suggested Rewrites
- electronics entertainment devices electronic entertainment devices
- Video game, one aspect Video games, one aspect
- researchers have divided opinion researchers have divided opinions
- benefits of video games outshine the benefits of video games outweigh
- if few cautions are taken if a few precautions are taken
- which encourages people which encourage people
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response gives a clear opinion that benefits outweigh drawbacks if games are chosen carefully. It develops relevant points about physical activity and problem-solving, though the negative side is only briefly examined.
Add a fuller concession paragraph explaining one serious drawback before showing why the benefits can still outweigh it.
Coherence and Cohesion
There is a logical sequence of ideas, but the essay is written as one paragraph and some sentence links are weak or fragment-like.
Use paragraphing and avoid starting standalone sentence fragments with "And" or "But" in formal writing.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary shows range and topic awareness, but there are repeated collocation errors and some imprecise plural/singular choices.
Revise common collocations around technology, research, and learning, such as "electronic entertainment," "divided opinions," and "problem-solving skills."
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Grammar is understandable and includes complex sentences, but errors with articles, plurals, agreement, and clause structure are frequent.
Proofread noun phrases carefully and make sure every sentence has a complete subject and verb.