Single young people in many countries leave their parents for study and job and live somewhere else. Does this trend have more advantages than disadvantages? Write no less than 250 words.
Sample Response
Leaving home to study or work is an increasing trend today especially among youngsters. Some people feel that staying outside the home premises until marriage has more advantages, while others have obstacles about it. This essay examines the pros and cones of this issue.
On the one hand, there are some grounds for opposing this trend. Firstly, when people stay away from the family, there may be a chance of reduced control or supervision by the parents. As days passes, communication with parents declines and ends up in life like a free bird in this modern world. In fact, youngsters are more gullible and easy prey to crimes and its colourful temptations. Hence, this kind of activities, as well as independent life away from parents, paves the way to spoil their life. Moreover, this trend needs more financial support for accommodation and food. Since educational and occupational opportunities are more in cities, the cost of living in those areas also will be more. Thus, it can be a financial burden, especially for students.
On the other hand, it is fairly easy to understand the advantages of independent life away from home. Firstly, people get an exposure when they leave their native town or country. To make it more clear, they get more opportunities for study as well as work, as a result it can be stepping stone for their education and career. Moreover, it provides chances to mingle with others from different countries following various cultures, religions, customs etc. Hence, we can understand the cultural and religious practices of several places and can absorb the goods as well. Finally a feeling of team spirit and religious harmony forms among them, as a result, they learn to work in a group or how to be in a society or public. In addition, it helps people to become independent, responsible and self-reliant. Thus helps in the overall development of personality. However, they learn how to live in this modern world in right path.
To conclude, when we analyse both points, it is clearly evident that staying away from home until their marriage has more merits than demerits. We should exercise our prudence and discernment during those periods thus one can avoid the pitfalls.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Natural phrase Original: home premises Suggested revision: their parents' home Why it matters: Premises is unnecessarily formal and inaccurate here.
- 2. Wrong collocation Original: have obstacles about it Suggested revision: have reservations about it Why it matters: People have reservations, not obstacles, about an idea.
- 3. Fixed phrase Original: pros and cones Suggested revision: pros and cons Why it matters: Cones is a spelling error in this expression.
- 4. Agreement Original: As days passes Suggested revision: As time passes Why it matters: Time passes is the natural singular phrase.
- 5. Clarify consequence Original: ends up in life like a free bird Suggested revision: young people may begin to live without guidance Why it matters: The original metaphor is unclear.
- 6. Reference and collocation Original: easy prey to crimes and its colourful temptations Suggested revision: easy prey for criminals and other temptations Why it matters: Prey takes for, and crimes cannot own temptations.
- 7. Number agreement Original: this kind of activities Suggested revision: these kinds of activities Why it matters: Kind and activities must agree in number.
- 8. Natural result phrase Original: paves the way to spoil their life Suggested revision: may damage their lives Why it matters: The original wording is exaggerated and unidiomatic.
- 9. Comparison form Original: opportunities are more in cities Suggested revision: there are more opportunities in cities Why it matters: Use an existential structure for quantity.
- 10. Natural order Original: also will be more Suggested revision: will also be higher Why it matters: Higher, not more, modifies cost.
- 11. Uncountable noun Original: get an exposure Suggested revision: gain exposure Why it matters: Exposure is uncountable in this meaning.
- 12. Concise linker Original: To make it more clear Suggested revision: More specifically Why it matters: This is more concise and formal.
Suggested Rewrites
- home premises their parents' home
- have obstacles about it have reservations about it
- pros and cones pros and cons
- As days passes As time passes
- ends up in life like a free bird young people may begin to live without guidance
- easy prey to crimes and its colourful temptations easy prey for criminals and other temptations
Why this response received Band 6.0
The essay discusses both disadvantages and advantages, maintains a clear judgement that the benefits are greater, and provides relevant points about finances, opportunity, cultural exposure, and independence. Development is sometimes vague or exaggerated, and frequent collocation, agreement, article, and sentence-boundary errors weaken precision. Improve by comparing the relative weight of the two sides explicitly and expressing each supporting example in controlled, natural English.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both sides are covered and a clear answer is given, though some claims are generalised and the advantages are not explicitly weighed against disadvantages until the conclusion.
Explain why long-term career and independence benefits outweigh manageable financial and social risks.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure is clear, but overused linkers and several comma splices disrupt flow.
Use fewer mechanical transitions and separate complete sentences cleanly.
Lexical Resource
There is adequate range for the topic, but many inaccurate collocations obscure otherwise relevant ideas.
Use standard phrases such as pros and cons, gain exposure, stepping stone, and follow the right path.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentences are attempted, but agreement, articles, pronouns, and fragments contain frequent errors.
Check each clause for a subject and finite verb, then verify singular-plural agreement.