People in all modern societies use drugs, but today's youth are experimenting with both legal and illegal drugs, and at an increasingly early age. Some sociologists claim that parents and other members of society often set a bad example. Discuss the causes and some effects of widespread drug use by young people in modern day society. Make any recommendations you feel are necessary to help fight youth drug abuse.
Sample Response
The people of the Modern world are always in search of new enjoyments and new attractions. While drugs are lifesavers when they are taken for the health issue and prescribed by the doctors, it can also be fatal if taken for temporary amusement. Many special drugs, pills and similar things of that kind are abused by young people and it is a big threat to the future of next generations of the society.
This habit starts with smoking and end in fatal addiction in some seriously addictive substances. Because it is legal for the teenagers who are above the age of 16 in many crowded countries or smoke, they start smoking. Then, the issue gets worse and youth want to experience more powerful substances for temporary joy and excitement. A large number of practitioners think it is mainly the fault of parents and responsible relatives or friends. Because youth mostly take examples from them, any bad habit of parents would greatly influence the youth. The family disparity can very negatively affect youth and many times they abuse drugs to get read of the reality or complexity. If parents smoke and drink alcohol, the young children might adapt this habit easily.
Another peril is the people and friends with whom young people live and spend time. The groups of teenagers who abuse drugs might induce the innocents. A big cause of widespread drug use is exactly the influence of the environment and friends. Although well-mannered parents send their children to schools to get some quality educations and cultures, in some schools the drug abusers induce them to do wrong things.
In my opinion, some prevention measures have to be taken for the welfare of youth. School authority and teachers should make them well disciplined and manage a nice and rigid system in schools that would prevent young children to proceed to wrong ways. The government should make sure that the illegal substances and drugs are not available and should make sure no young people can get it without the authorised prescriptions and parental guidance. Parents should be more attached to their kids and should live ideal life to set an example for your kids.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Lowercase common adjective Original: Modern world Suggested revision: modern world Why it matters: Modern is not a proper adjective here and should not be capitalised.
- 2. Use natural noun Original: new enjoyments Suggested revision: new pleasures Why it matters: Enjoyments is unnatural for the experiences people seek in this context.
- 3. Fix purpose phrase Original: taken for the health issue Suggested revision: taken to treat health problems Why it matters: The revision uses the correct infinitive structure to express purpose.
- 4. Remove unnecessary article Original: prescribed by the doctors Suggested revision: prescribed by doctors Why it matters: Doctors is used generically here, so it does not need the definite article.
- 5. Match the pronoun Original: it can also be fatal Suggested revision: they can also be fatal Why it matters: The pronoun must agree with the plural noun drugs.
- 6. Use precise term Original: special drugs Suggested revision: recreational drugs Why it matters: Special does not clearly describe the kind of drugs being abused.
- 7. Remove vague wording Original: similar things of that kind Suggested revision: similar substances Why it matters: The revision replaces a vague and repetitive expression with a precise noun.
- 8. Fix noun phrase Original: future of next generations of the society Suggested revision: future of the next generation Why it matters: The original phrase has unnecessary articles and an awkward chain of nouns.
- 9. Match verb forms Original: starts with smoking and end Suggested revision: starts with smoking and ends Why it matters: Both coordinated verbs need third-person singular agreement with habit.
- 10. Fix the collocation Original: fatal addiction in Suggested revision: serious addiction to Why it matters: People develop an addiction to a substance, not an addiction in it.
- 11. Use natural intensifier Original: seriously addictive substances Suggested revision: highly addictive substances Why it matters: Highly is the standard intensifier with addictive.
- 12. Use countable subject Original: youth want Suggested revision: young people want Why it matters: Youth is unnatural as a plural count noun in this sentence.
Suggested Rewrites
- Modern world modern world
- new enjoyments new pleasures
- taken for the health issue taken to treat health problems
- prescribed by the doctors prescribed by doctors
- it can also be fatal they can also be fatal
- special drugs recreational drugs
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response is organised around relevant causes and offers several practical recommendations, so its general direction remains easy to follow. However, the required effects of youth drug use receive only brief, undeveloped mention, while frequent grammatical and word-choice errors reduce precision. The highest-priority improvement is to add a fully developed effects paragraph and express its ideas in clearer, more idiomatic sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response explains several causes and proposes relevant measures, but it gives very limited development to the requested effects of drug use.
Add a distinct paragraph that explains two concrete effects on young people or society with clear supporting detail.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response has a recognisable progression from causes to recommendations, though links within paragraphs are sometimes loose or repetitive.
Give each paragraph one clearly defined purpose and use explicit logical links between each cause, consequence, and example.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient vocabulary to discuss the topic, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices sometimes obscure the intended meaning.
Replace awkward expressions with precise combinations such as become addicted, escape reality, adopt a habit, and peer pressure.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied and complex sentences, but recurring errors in agreement, articles, prepositions, and sentence construction reduce control.
Prioritise accurate clause construction and subject-verb agreement, then proofread each sentence for articles, pronouns, and prepositions.
Use this task for your next draft
Feedback is more useful when you actively apply it in a draft, rather than only recognising improvements on the page.
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.
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