Youth drug abuse is a serious problem. What are the possible causes of this behaviour? What could be done to control that?
Sample Response
Youth drug abuse is a growing concern that can have negative effects on individuals, families, and communities. In order to address this issue effectively, it is necessary to understand the possible causes and identify strategies to control it.
One possible cause of youth drug abuse is peer pressure. Adolescents often face social pressure to conform to the behaviours of their peers, and drug use is no exception. Young people may feel compelled to experiment with drugs in order to fit in with their peers or to appear more mature. This can lead to a cycle of drug use and abuse that can be difficult to break.
Another possible cause of youth drug abuse is a lack of parental involvement or supervision. Children and adolescents who do not receive adequate attention and guidance from their parents may be more likely to experiment with drugs. In addition, parents who use drugs themselves may be more likely to pass on this behaviour to their children.
To control youth drug abuse, a multi-faceted approach is needed. Education and prevention programs can help young people understand the risks associated with drug use and provide them with alternative coping strategies. This can be done through school programs, community outreach, and social media campaigns. Treatment programs, such as counselling and therapy, can help young people who are struggling with drug abuse to overcome their addiction. In addition, law enforcement agencies can play an important role in controlling youth drug abuse. By cracking down on drug dealers and distributors, law enforcement agencies can help to disrupt the supply chain of drugs and make it more difficult for young people to obtain them.
In conclusion, youth drug abuse is a serious problem that requires a multi-faceted approach to control. By understanding the possible causes and implementing effective strategies to prevent and treat drug abuse, we can help young people to avoid the negative consequences of drug use and lead healthy, productive lives.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use concise phrasing Original: In order to address Suggested revision: To address Why it matters: The shorter infinitive expresses the same purpose more directly.
- 2. Choose precise wording Original: possible causes Suggested revision: underlying causes Why it matters: This phrase more precisely refers to factors that produce the behaviour.
- 3. Use natural phrasing Original: identify strategies to control it Suggested revision: identify ways to control it Why it matters: This wording is more natural when referring broadly to possible responses.
- 4. Refine the collocation Original: face social pressure Suggested revision: experience social pressure Why it matters: This is a slightly more precise formal collocation for describing pressure.
- 5. Reduce wordiness Original: in order to fit in Suggested revision: to fit in Why it matters: The shorter form preserves the purpose while making the sentence tighter.
- 6. Remove lexical overlap Original: cycle of drug use and abuse Suggested revision: cycle of drug abuse Why it matters: Using one precise term avoids an unnecessarily repetitive pairing.
- 7. Make phrasing compact Original: a lack of parental involvement or supervision Suggested revision: insufficient parental involvement or supervision Why it matters: The adjective makes the same idea more concise.
- 8. Improve emphasis placement Original: parents who use drugs themselves Suggested revision: parents who themselves use drugs Why it matters: Moving the intensifier makes its relationship to the parents clearer.
- 9. Clarify the influence Original: pass on this behaviour Suggested revision: model this behaviour Why it matters: The replacement states more precisely how parental conduct can influence children.
- 10. Use parallel modifiers Original: Education and prevention programs Suggested revision: Educational and preventive programmes Why it matters: Parallel adjectives create a more balanced noun phrase in British English.
- 11. Tighten causal progression Suggested revision: Link the desire to appear mature more directly to peer pressure before moving to the consequence of repeated drug use. Why it matters: A clearer internal link would make the paragraph's cause-and-effect sequence easier to follow.
- 12. Distinguish related causes Suggested revision: Signal more clearly that inadequate supervision and parental drug use are two distinct forms of parental influence. Why it matters: This would sharpen the progression between the paragraph's two related points.
Suggested Rewrites
- In order to address To address
- possible causes underlying causes
- identify strategies to control it identify ways to control it
- face social pressure experience social pressure
- in order to fit in to fit in
- cycle of drug use and abuse cycle of drug abuse
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response addresses both causes and control measures directly, with clear development and a particularly effective range of practical interventions. Its main limitation is that much of the support remains general and some wording becomes repetitive, especially around drug use and abuse. The strongest improvement would be to add one precise, illustrative example and tighten repeated phrasing so that the argument feels more analytical and less formulaic.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both parts of the task are fully addressed through relevant, well-developed causes and a broad set of workable control measures.
Strengthen the analysis with a specific real-world or hypothetical example showing how one proposed intervention would work.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically through causes and solutions, with clear paragraph purposes and well-managed linking.
Reduce repeated references to youth drug abuse and use tighter internal transitions to make the progression even more economical.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied, precise, and appropriately formal, with effective phrases such as alternative coping strategies and disrupt the supply chain.
Replace recurring task-language combinations with more varied, context-specific wording to avoid a slightly formulaic effect.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used accurately, and the response remains consistently clear and controlled.
Refine sentence rhythm by varying some repeated modal and conditional patterns while maintaining the same level of accuracy.
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