As countries have developed there has been a trend towards smaller family sizes. Why does this happen? How does this affect society?

Same questionCompare 2 different answers (Band 6.5–7)

Sample Response

1

Ever since the genesis of industrialisation, the world has gone through many paradigm shifts. This is also evident in the fact that average family size is getting smaller. It is argued that rising costs of living and career-oriented thinking are the primary reasons for this trend. These causes and their effects will be analysed in this essay. To beginessay To begin, ever since the industrial revolution, rising costscost of living in cities has compelled people to have smaller families for economic reasonsshrink the size of their families due to economic reasons. This has resulted in families spending more time with their offspring, since the number of children, among whomwhich parents have to divide their time, has reduced dramatically. For example, a recent study conducted by Save the Children, a not for profit organisation, found that children of the modern era performdo much better than their earlier counterparts in schools and colleges. This would perhaps not be possible if parents had to spend a large amount of their time meetingnurturing the needs of more childrena higher number of children. Hence, the effect of smaller families on children's academic performancethe impact a small family size has on child’s academics is clear. In addition, the advent of technology has removed the need for human intervention in many jobs, as a consequence, now more people have to compete for fewer jobs. Such circumstances have made people more career oriented than they used to be, therefore, starting and expanding familiesstarting and expansion of families has moved to the bottom of the pecking order of many people’s priorities. The most evident effect of this on society is an ageing population in many of the western countries in the world. For instance, in Germany, the population growth rate is negativeis in negative, which could perhaps mean that the current generation of Germany will not be able to replace their older generation numericallydying forefathers in numbers. Therefore, the devastating impactTherefore the devastating impact of small families is also evident. As is clear, improved academic performances of children on the one hand and the probable extinction of genes of some, on the other hand, are the two of most prominent impacts of decreasing family sizes. It is thus hoped that people will think carefullymuse upon greatly before choosing their career paths and starting families.

Overall assessment

Why this response received Band 6.5

The response answers both questions and offers a clear range of causes and social effects, with several ideas extended through explanation and examples. Its main limitation is that the presentation is a single dense block and some conclusions, especially about genetic extinction, are exaggerated or insufficiently reasoned. The highest-priority improvement is to organise causes and effects into distinct paragraphs and develop each claim with more precise, credible logic.

Band score breakdown

IELTS Writing Criteria Scores

TR

Task Response

7.0
Scoring rule

Both causes and societal effects are addressed with a clear central argument, although some claims are overgeneralised or only partly convincing.

Next step

Replace exaggerated conclusions with carefully qualified effects and explain the causal link between each trend and its social consequence.

CC

Coherence and Cohesion

6.0
Scoring rule

The overall sequence from causes to effects is discernible, but the lack of paragraphing and several overlong transitions weaken clarity and progression.

Next step

Divide the response into an introduction, separate cause and effect paragraphs, and a conclusion, with one controlling idea in each body paragraph.

LR

Lexical Resource

6.5
Scoring rule

Vocabulary is varied and often appropriately academic, but several unnatural collocations and imprecise expressions reduce control.

Next step

Use more natural combinations such as negative population growth and academic performance, and avoid inflated expressions whose meaning is uncertain.

GRA

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

6.0
Scoring rule

The response uses varied complex structures, but recurring comma splices, article errors, and awkward clause construction reduce accuracy.

Next step

Separate independent clauses correctly and proofread articles, agreement, and sentence boundaries before adding further complex structures.

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IELTS Writing Task 2

As countries have developed there has been a trend towards smaller family sizes. Why does this happen? How does this affect society?

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