The number of tourists visiting Malaysia and Dubai from 1995 to 2003 is presented below. Tourist Visit in Malaysia and Dubai (in ‘000)
Sample Response
The line graph compares the number of visitors in Malaysia and Dubai between 1995 and 2003. Both these countries received more tourists in 2003 than they did in 1995 and Dubai’s share of travellers went higher than that of Malaysia despite a reverse scenario in early years. According to the illustration, the number of tourists who visited Malaysia in 1995 was 0.1 million, more than double than that of Dubai. The visitors in Malaysia kept on increasing very swiftly till 2000 when it attracted more than a quarter tourists. On the contrary, Dubai, despite a decline in 1996, managed to attract more vacationers and had almost the same number of people visiting there in 2000 as it was in Malaysia. Next year, both of their tourists’ number went up but afterwards Dubai had been more successful in getting more visitors than Malaysia did. In 2003, four hundred thousand people travelled to Dubai, an overwhelming rise than that of 1995, while Malaysia managed to attract fewer than 250 thousand vacationers, which was roughly 2.5 times than that of 1995.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use number, not share Original: share of travellers Suggested revision: number of visitors Why it matters: The graph shows absolute visitor numbers rather than each destination's share of a total.
- 2. Correct comparison structure Original: went higher than that of Malaysia Suggested revision: surpassed Malaysia's Why it matters: Use a direct comparative verb with the possessive substitute for Malaysia's visitor number.
- 3. Clarify earlier pattern Original: a reverse scenario in early years Suggested revision: the opposite pattern in the early years Why it matters: This phrase expresses the earlier contrast more naturally and precisely.
- 4. Remove extra than Original: more than double than Suggested revision: more than double Why it matters: Double is followed directly by the comparison target, so the second than is incorrect.
- 5. Correct peak year Original: till 2000 Suggested revision: until 2001 Why it matters: Malaysia's visitor number continued rising through 2001 before declining.
- 6. Add missing quantity Original: more than a quarter tourists Suggested revision: more than a quarter of a million tourists Why it matters: The quantity requires of a million to express the chart's scale correctly.
- 7. Fix comparative clause Original: as it was in Malaysia Suggested revision: as Malaysia did Why it matters: The clause needs Malaysia as the subject and did as the comparison substitute.
- 8. Use natural plural Original: both of their tourists’ number Suggested revision: tourist numbers in both countries Why it matters: Each country has a separate visitor figure, so the plural noun phrase is required.
- 9. Correct final comparison Original: 2.5 times than that of 1995 Suggested revision: roughly 2.4 times the 1995 figure Why it matters: Malaysia rose from about 100 thousand to 240 thousand, which is approximately 2.4 times the initial figure.
- 10. Use concise reference Original: Both these countries Suggested revision: Both countries Why it matters: These is unnecessary because both already identifies the two countries under discussion.
- 11. Keep units consistent Original: 0.1 million Suggested revision: 100 thousand Why it matters: Using thousands matches the graph's unit and makes later comparisons easier to follow.
- 12. Describe visitor numbers Original: The visitors in Malaysia Suggested revision: The number of visitors to Malaysia Why it matters: The trend concerns the number of visitors, and visitors travel to a country rather than in it.
Suggested Rewrites
- share of travellers number of visitors
- went higher than that of Malaysia surpassed Malaysia's
- a reverse scenario in early years the opposite pattern in the early years
- more than double than more than double
- till 2000 until 2001
- more than a quarter tourists more than a quarter of a million tourists
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response presents a clear overview and follows the two series logically, with generally accurate identification of Dubai's eventual lead. Its main limitation is imprecision in describing several figures and changes, compounded by recurring awkward comparative forms. The highest-priority improvement is to report a fuller set of exact data points and comparisons while using standard structures such as 'twice as many as' and 'an increase to'.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The overview identifies the overall rises and Dubai's eventual lead, while most selected figures and comparisons agree with the graph.
Include more exact intermediate values and describe Malaysia's continued rise to 2001 and subsequent decline more precisely.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report progresses chronologically and uses referencing to connect the two series, though all details are compressed into one paragraph.
Separate the overview from two clearly grouped detail paragraphs and use contrast links only where the relationship is genuinely oppositional.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a reasonably varied range for trends and visitors, but several collocations are unnatural or imprecise.
Replace phrases such as 'reverse scenario' and 'overwhelming rise than' with precise trend language and standard comparison expressions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex sentences communicates the comparisons clearly, despite recurring errors in comparative structures, agreement, and noun phrases.
Practise accurate comparative patterns, especially 'more than twice as many as', and check singular-plural agreement in data descriptions.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The number of tourists visiting Malaysia and Dubai from 1995 to 2003 is presented below. Tourist Visit in Malaysia and Dubai (in ‘000)
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.