The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.
Sample Response
The line graph compares the number of people employed in manufacturing, retail, agriculture and healthcare in the US from 1960 to 2020, measured in millions.
Overall, manufacturing was the largest employer at the beginning and reached a high point in 1980 before declining. By contrast, retail and especially healthcare grew over the period, whereas agricultural employment fell and remained the smallest figure after 1980.
In 1960, about 15 million people worked in manufacturing, compared with roughly 6 million in both retail and agriculture. Manufacturing then rose to 20 million in 1980, while retail increased more gradually to 10 million. At the same time, agriculture dropped sharply to around 3 million.
After 1980, manufacturing decreased to approximately 17 million in 2000 and 13 million by 2020. Retail continued to expand, reaching 15 million in 2000 and about 16 million at the end, making it the leading sector. Healthcare also showed a considerable rise, from only 2 million initially to 5 million in 1980, 11 million in 2000 and 16 million in 2020. In comparison, agriculture stayed near 3 million until 2000 before falling to 2 million.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Match the chart measure Original: compares the number of people employed Suggested revision: shows changes in the number of jobs Why it matters: This wording matches the chart's stated measure more directly.
- 2. Use precise sector wording Original: largest employer Suggested revision: sector with the most jobs Why it matters: A sector is not a single employer, so this phrasing is more precise.
- 3. Use concise trend language Original: reached a high point Suggested revision: peaked Why it matters: The verb gives the same trend information more concisely.
- 4. State the contrast precisely Original: retail and especially healthcare grew Suggested revision: retail and healthcare grew, with healthcare rising more sharply Why it matters: This explicitly identifies the stronger increase shown by the graph.
- 5. Clarify the comparison Original: agricultural employment fell and remained the smallest figure Suggested revision: agriculture declined and remained the sector with the fewest jobs Why it matters: This accurately compares sectors rather than describing employment itself as a figure.
- 6. Name the final year Original: at the end Suggested revision: in 2020 Why it matters: Using the exact year makes the data reference more precise.
- 7. Correct the final ranking Original: making it the leading sector Suggested revision: matching healthcare as the joint-largest sector Why it matters: The graph shows retail and healthcare level at about 16 million jobs in 2020.
- 8. Use the exact year Original: initially Suggested revision: in 1960 Why it matters: The explicit year makes the starting healthcare figure easier to compare.
- 9. Keep chronology consistent Suggested revision: Move healthcare's 1960 and 1980 figures into the preceding detail paragraph, and retain its 2000 and 2020 figures here. Why it matters: This avoids moving back to the starting year after the paragraph has begun with post-1980 trends.
Suggested Rewrites
- compares the number of people employed shows changes in the number of jobs
- largest employer sector with the most jobs
- reached a high point peaked
- retail and especially healthcare grew retail and healthcare grew, with healthcare rising more sharply
- agricultural employment fell and remained the smallest figure agriculture declined and remained the sector with the fewest jobs
- at the end in 2020
Why this response received Band 8.0
This is a clear, well-organised report whose strongest feature is its accurate selection of trends and supporting figures from the graph. Its main limitation is the claim that retail was the leading sector in 2020, since retail and healthcare were actually level at about 16 million; the priority is therefore to make final comparisons fully precise and explicitly identify ties.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The report provides a clear overview and accurately covers the principal trends and nearly all key figures and comparisons.
State that retail and healthcare were joint leaders in 2020 rather than describing retail alone as the leading sector.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is logically grouped into a clear overview and chronological detail paragraphs, with cohesive devices used smoothly and accurately.
Refine the final comparison so the concluding relationships among the four sectors are expressed even more directly.
Lexical Resource
A strong range of precise task vocabulary describes employment levels, rises, declines, peaks and comparisons naturally.
Extend the range of comparison language slightly, particularly for equal values and intersecting trends.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Varied simple and complex structures are handled accurately throughout, with clear control of clauses, agreement and punctuation.
Continue using this level of control while adding occasional more compact comparative structures where they improve precision.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.