The number of tourists visiting Malaysia and Dubai from 1995 to 2003 is presented below. Tourist Visit in Malaysia and Dubai (in ‘000)
Sample Response
The line graph compares the number of travellers who visited Malaysia and Dubai from 1995 to 2003. Overall, more tourists went to visit Malaysia from 1995 to 2000, but afterwards, Dubai got more visitors. Getting back to the details, 100 thousand tourists visited Malaysia in 1995 and it was more than double than the number of tourists in Dubai at the same time. Next year, visitors to Malaysia increases while declined in Dubai. Afterwards, the number of tourists in Malaysia and Dubai rapidly increased and in 1998, 200 thousand people went to Malaysia compared to over 150 thousand in Dubai. Interestingly, holidaymakers’ number to both these places became identical and reached to over a quarter million in 2000. Next year, both countries witnessed a hike in their tourists’ number which stood at around 325 thousand. A reverse trend during the next few years followed with more tourists in Dubai than in Malaysia. In 2002 Dubai got more trippers and this trend continued in the next year when 0.4 million vacationers visited Dubai compared to less than 0.25 million in Malaysia.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove redundant wording Original: went to visit Malaysia Suggested revision: visited Malaysia Why it matters: The verb ‘visited’ already conveys the idea of going to the country.
- 2. Correct the crossover timing Original: afterwards, Dubai got more visitors Suggested revision: after 2001, Dubai received more visitors Why it matters: The two series are level in 2001, and Dubai moves ahead only from 2002.
- 3. Use a formal transition Original: Getting back to the details Suggested revision: Turning to the details Why it matters: This transition introduces the detailed data more naturally in an academic report.
- 4. Fix the comparison Original: more than double than Suggested revision: more than double Why it matters: ‘Double’ is not followed by a second ‘than’ in this comparison.
- 5. Refer to the year Original: at the same time Suggested revision: in the same year Why it matters: The graph compares annual figures, so ‘in the same year’ is more precise.
- 6. Use past tense Original: increases Suggested revision: increased Why it matters: The report describes a completed change in 1996, so the past tense is required.
- 7. Add the missing subject Original: while declined in Dubai Suggested revision: while the figure for Dubai declined Why it matters: The second clause needs an explicit subject to show what declined.
- 8. Separate the year clause Original: and in 1998 Suggested revision: , and in 1998 Why it matters: A comma is needed before the coordinated clause with its own subject and verb.
- 9. Use the plotted value Original: over 150 thousand Suggested revision: about 175 thousand Why it matters: Dubai’s 1998 point is approximately 175 thousand on the graph.
- 10. Fix the noun phrase Original: holidaymakers’ number Suggested revision: the number of holidaymakers Why it matters: English uses ‘the number of’ rather than a possessive noun in this structure.
- 11. Clarify the destination phrase Original: to both these places Suggested revision: visiting both destinations Why it matters: This phrase states the relationship between tourists and the two places more naturally.
- 12. Correct the comparison Original: became identical Suggested revision: were close Why it matters: In 2000 the figures are close at roughly 270 and 260 thousand, not identical.
Suggested Rewrites
- went to visit Malaysia visited Malaysia
- afterwards, Dubai got more visitors after 2001, Dubai received more visitors
- Getting back to the details Turning to the details
- more than double than more than double
- at the same time in the same year
- increases increased
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response identifies the overall shift from Malaysia leading early to Dubai finishing well ahead, and it supports this with several useful figures. Its main weakness is uneven accuracy, especially the claim that the totals were identical in 2000, while language errors and a single-block structure reduce precision and flow. Prioritise exact comparisons from the graph, then group the overview and chronological details into clear paragraphs.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
A relevant overview and several key figures describe the broad trends, but the 2000 equality and post-2000 comparison are imprecise and some fluctuations are omitted.
Check each comparison against the graph and state that the figures were close in 2000, equal in 2001, and diverged thereafter.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report follows the timeline clearly, although all information is presented in one block and some transitions are mechanical or awkward.
Separate the introduction, overview, and chronological detail into distinct paragraphs with fewer formulaic linking phrases.
Lexical Resource
There is a useful range of trend and visitor vocabulary, but collocations such as ‘holidaymakers’ number’ and ‘got more trippers’ are unnatural.
Use precise forms such as ‘the number of tourists rose’ and avoid varying common nouns with less suitable synonyms.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates the main message, but agreement, comparison, tense, and preposition errors recur.
Review subject-verb agreement and comparative structures, especially ‘more than double’ and consistent past-tense reporting.
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