The pie charts below show the online sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013.
Sample Response
The pie charts illustrate the proportion of online sales for travel, film or music, books and clothes in New Zealand in two selected years. In general, travel and film and music made up the largest proportion of the total online sales in two selected years.
In 2003, it is apparent that 36% of the total sales were travel sector related, which was the major online sale of the year. However, in 2013, a drop of 7% resulted in the same sector which became the second biggest portion of total online sales. The second major sector in 2003 was clothes, which accounted for 24% of overall sales. A decrease of 8% could be seen in clothes in 2013.
Film and music made the third largest portion of the overall sales in 2003 (21%) whereas, in 2013, the figure rose to 33% which successfully hit the highest sales. A relatively small portion of online sales was for books (19%) in 2003 which was slightly lower than that in 2013 (22%).
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Match category label Original: or Suggested revision: and Why it matters: The chart presents film and music as one combined category.
- 2. Avoid repetition Original: total online sales in two selected years Suggested revision: total online sales in both years Why it matters: 'Both years' is concise and avoids repeating the previous sentence's wording.
- 3. Use natural phrasing Original: travel sector related Suggested revision: generated by the travel sector Why it matters: This is the natural way to attribute a share of sales to a sector.
- 4. Describe chart share Original: major online sale Suggested revision: largest share of online sales Why it matters: The pie chart shows proportions, not a single sale.
- 5. Use percentage points Original: a drop of 7% resulted in the same sector Suggested revision: the sector's share fell by seven percentage points Why it matters: The change from 36% to 29% is seven percentage points.
- 6. Use chart term Original: second biggest portion Suggested revision: second-largest share Why it matters: 'Share' is the precise term for a pie-chart proportion.
- 7. Improve collocation Original: made the third largest portion Suggested revision: accounted for the third-largest share Why it matters: 'Accounted for' and 'share' form the appropriate statistical description.
- 8. Remove evaluative wording Original: successfully hit the highest sales Suggested revision: became the largest category Why it matters: The chart shows rank by share, and 'successfully' adds an unsupported judgement.
- 9. Use plural noun Original: proportion Suggested revision: proportions Why it matters: The charts display several category shares, so the plural form is more accurate.
- 10. Name the years Original: New Zealand in two selected years Suggested revision: New Zealand in 2003 and 2013 Why it matters: Naming both years makes the introduction more specific.
- 11. Clarify sector names Original: travel and film and music Suggested revision: the travel and film/music sectors Why it matters: This wording prevents the repeated conjunction from obscuring the two category names.
- 12. Use plural comparison Original: proportion Suggested revision: proportions Why it matters: Two sectors are identified, so the head noun must be plural.
Suggested Rewrites
- or and
- total online sales in two selected years total online sales in both years
- travel sector related generated by the travel sector
- major online sale largest share of online sales
- a drop of 7% resulted in the same sector the sector's share fell by seven percentage points
- second biggest portion second-largest share
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response is strongest in its complete and accurate numerical coverage: all four sectors are reported for both years, and the ranking changes are easy to follow. The main limitation is an overview that names the two largest sectors without clearly stating that leadership shifted from travel to film and music or summarising which categories rose and fell. Prioritise a sharper trend-based overview and more natural comparison language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
All sector figures and rank changes are accurately covered, although the overview only partly synthesises the main movements.
State explicitly that film and music overtook travel while books rose and clothes fell.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is clearly organised into an overview and two focused detail paragraphs with logical progression.
Use contrast markers more precisely so each transition directly signals an increase, decrease, or change in rank.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient range for proportions and rankings, but several collocations such as made the third largest portion are awkward.
Use natural chart phrases such as accounted for, rose to become the largest sector, and fell by seven percentage points.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex comparison structures is used, though awkward relative clauses, punctuation, and tense choices remain noticeable.
Keep the past tense consistent and revise relative clauses so each percentage change has a clear grammatical subject.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The pie charts below show the online sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.