The pie charts below show the online sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013.
Sample Response
The figures illustrate the shares of four online retailthe proportion of four different online retail sales sectorscategories in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013in two different periods. It can be seen that the shares for film and music and for booksthe sales of film or music and books in the country increased over the ten-year periodhad increased over the ten-year period, while travel and clothing sectors declinedwere in the opposite position.
In 2003, the online sales of travel sectorindustries in New Zealand accounted for 36% of total online retail sales36% of the total sector, which was 12 percentage points higher than the share for clothing12% higher than the clothing sector. However, over the decade, both sharesfigures declined sharplyhad declined sharply to 29% and 16% respectively.
In the film andor music category, the chart shows thatit is noticed that the sector's share of online salesthe online sales figure of the sector rose by 12 percentage pointshad risen drastically by 12% to reach 33% in 2013. As for the sector of books, it had increased slightly from 19% in 2003 to 22% in 2013.
In conclusion, it is clear that between 2003 and 2013, the online sales of travel and clothing in New Zealand had dropped, while the shares for film and music and for booksthe sales of film and music and books had grown.
Why this response received Band 7.5
The report's strongest feature is complete and accurate coverage of all four sectors, supported by a clear summary of which categories rose and fell. Organisation is straightforward, although the concluding paragraph largely repeats the opening overview and several expressions are awkward or imprecise. The highest-priority improvement is to use natural category labels and simple past forms consistently instead of phrases such as 'opposite position' and repeated past-perfect verbs.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response presents a clear overview and accurately reports every category's 2003 and 2013 shares with relevant comparisons.
Refine the comparison by identifying film and music as the largest category in 2013 and avoiding overstated terms such as 'drastically'.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report is logically divided by trend group, and referencing and progression are consistently clear despite a repetitive conclusion.
Remove the concluding repetition and let one concise overview carry the main trend summary.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficiently varied for trend reporting, though phrases such as 'opposite position', 'travel industries', and 'sector of books' are unnatural.
Use precise category language such as 'the travel share', 'book sales', and 'both categories declined'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A good range of sentence structures is controlled well overall, but past-perfect forms are repeatedly used where simple past is required.
Use simple past consistently for completed changes between 2003 and 2013 and check article use before sector names.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The pie charts below show the online sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.