The three pie charts below show the changes in annual spending by a particular UK school in 1981, 1991 and 2001.
Same question Compare 2 different answers
Sample Response
The given pie charts illustrate a UK school's annual spending and show the changes over two decades. As is seen in the provided pie charts, the school spent an increasing percentage of money on teachers' salaries, with the maximum of 50% being spent in 1991, after which it was reduced by 5% in 2001. Also, this remained the area, where the highest percentage of the money was spent, in the given three years. Expenditure on other workers' salaries decreased significantly over the years with 28%, 22% and 15% in 1981, 1991 and 2001 respectively. Again, the percentage spent on resources like books also decreased after a slight increase of 5% in 1991. Investment on furniture and equipment saw a substantial decline from 15% to 5% in the first 10 years, before increasing again up to 23% in 2001. Finally, the least percentage of annual spending was on insurance over the two decades, with a small hike from 2% in 1981 to 8% in 2001.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Express the peak directly Original: with the maximum of 50% being spent Suggested revision: reaching a peak of 50% Why it matters: The revision presents the highest value more concisely and naturally.
- 2. Use percentage points Original: reduced by 5% Suggested revision: reduced by 5 percentage points Why it matters: A fall from 50% to 45% is five percentage points, not five percent.
- 3. Remove unnecessary comma Original: area, where Suggested revision: area where Why it matters: A comma should not separate the noun from this defining relative clause.
- 4. Remove misplaced comma Original: spent, in Suggested revision: spent in Why it matters: No comma is needed between the verb phrase and its time expression.
- 5. Link figures clearly Original: over the years with 28%, 22% and 15% Suggested revision: over the period, accounting for 28%, 22% and 15% Why it matters: The revision links each listed figure clearly to the spending category.
- 6. State point change Original: a slight increase of 5% Suggested revision: a five-percentage-point increase Why it matters: The resources share rose from 15% to 20%, a change of five percentage points.
- 7. Use correct collocation Original: Investment Suggested revision: Spending Why it matters: “Spending on” accurately names expenditure in this category.
- 8. Use concise trend language Original: increasing again up to 23% Suggested revision: rising again to 23% Why it matters: “Rise to” states the final value directly and idiomatically.
- 9. Use natural comparison Original: least percentage Suggested revision: smallest proportion Why it matters: “Smallest proportion” is the natural expression for the lowest share.
- 10. Include middle-year figure Original: from 2% in 1981 to 8% in 2001 Suggested revision: from 2% in 1981 to 3% in 1991 and 8% in 2001 Why it matters: Adding the 1991 value shows that insurance spending increased in both intervals.
- 11. Remove unnecessary modifier Original: The given pie charts Suggested revision: The pie charts Why it matters: The definite article already identifies the visuals, so “given” is unnecessary.
- 12. Use direct reporting language Original: As is seen in the provided pie charts Suggested revision: As the charts show Why it matters: The revision introduces the visual evidence more directly and concisely.
Suggested Rewrites
- with the maximum of 50% being spent reaching a peak of 50%
- reduced by 5% reduced by 5 percentage points
- area, where area where
- spent, in spent in
- over the years with 28%, 22% and 15% over the period, accounting for 28%, 22% and 15%
- a slight increase of 5% a five-percentage-point increase
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response selects nearly all key figures accurately and highlights the dominant teachers' salaries share, the fall in other workers' salaries, and the contrasting movement in equipment spending. Its main limitation is presentation: the overview and details are compressed into one paragraph, while a few collocations and commas are awkward. Use a distinct overview and grouped body paragraphs, and refine expressions such as "spending on" and "small increase."
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The report accurately covers all five spending categories, includes the principal trends, and supports them with well-selected figures.
Make the overview more distinct by summarising the two most important overall patterns before presenting individual data.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information follows a clear sequence and linking is generally effective, but the single-paragraph structure compresses the overview and supporting details.
Divide the report into a short overview and two body paragraphs grouping salary costs separately from the remaining categories.
Lexical Resource
A good range of trend and spending vocabulary is used, with only occasional awkward collocations such as "investment on" and "least percentage."
Refine collocations by using forms such as "spending on furniture and equipment" and "the smallest proportion."
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentences are handled with strong overall control, and the few punctuation or phrasing lapses do not impede meaning.
Remove unnecessary commas around restrictive phrases and streamline constructions such as "with a maximum of 50%."
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The three pie charts below show the changes in annual spending by a particular UK school in 1981, 1991 and 2001.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.