The given pie charts compare the expenses in 7 different categories in 1966 and 1996 by American Citizens.
Sample Response
The pie charts show changes in American spending patterns between 1966 and 1996. Generally speaking, Americans spent the highest proportion of their money on food and car in 1996 and after three decades, cars comprised their highest costs. Food and cars made up the two biggest items of expenditure in both years. Together they comprised over half of household spending. Food accounted for 44% of spending in 1966, but this dropped by two-thirds to 14% in 1996. However, the outlay on cars doubled, rising from 23% in 1966 to 45% in 1996. Other areas changed significantly. Spending on eating out doubled, climbing from 7% to 14%. The proportion of salary spent on computers increased dramatically, up from 1% in 1996 to 10% in 1996. However, as computer expenditure rose, the percentage of outlay on books plunged from 6% to 1%. Some areas remained relatively unchanged. Americans spent approximately the same amount of salary on petrol and furniture in both years. In conclusion, increased amounts spent on cars, computers, and eating out were made up for by drops in expenditure on food and books.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Qualify the increase Original: outlay on cars doubled Suggested revision: outlay on cars almost doubled Why it matters: The share rose from 23% to 45%, which is slightly less than an exact doubling.
- 2. Use chart terminology Original: proportion of salary spent Suggested revision: proportion of spending Why it matters: The charts show shares of expenditure and do not identify the money as salary.
- 3. Correct the starting year Original: 1996 Suggested revision: 1966 Why it matters: The 1% figure appears in the 1966 chart, while the 10% figure appears in 1996.
- 4. Use natural phrasing Original: percentage of outlay on books Suggested revision: share of spending on books Why it matters: This phrasing expresses the percentage more naturally and precisely.
- 5. Describe proportions accurately Original: increased amounts spent Suggested revision: increased proportions of spending Why it matters: Pie charts support comparisons of spending shares rather than absolute amounts.
- 6. Avoid unsupported causation Original: were made up for by Suggested revision: were accompanied by Why it matters: The charts show simultaneous changes but do not establish that one set of changes compensated for another.
- 7. Sentence rewrite Original: Generally speaking, Americans spent the highest proportion of their money on food and car in 1996 and after three decades, cars comprised their highest costs. Suggested revision: Generally, food was the largest spending category in 1966, whereas cars accounted for the largest share in 1996. Why it matters: The original overview confuses the years and does not clearly identify the leading category in each chart.
- 8. Sentence rewrite Original: Americans spent approximately the same amount of salary on petrol and furniture in both years. Suggested revision: Americans allocated similar proportions of their expenditure to petrol and furniture in both years. Why it matters: The charts compare proportions of expenditure, so referring to amounts of salary is inaccurate.
- 9. Separate overview and details Suggested revision: Place the overview in its own paragraph, then group the detail sentences by rising and falling or stable categories. Why it matters: Clear paragraphing would make the progression from key features to supporting comparisons easier to follow.
Suggested Rewrites
- outlay on cars doubled outlay on cars almost doubled
- proportion of salary spent proportion of spending
- 1996 1966
- percentage of outlay on books share of spending on books
- increased amounts spent increased proportions of spending
- were made up for by were accompanied by
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response is strongest in its concise selection and comparison of the dominant spending changes, supported by varied, precise vocabulary and generally controlled complex grammar. Its main limitation is factual accuracy: the overview misstates the relevant year, and the computer figures are both labelled 1996. Prioritise checking every year and value against the charts, then present the material in clearly separated paragraphs.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
A clear overview and well-selected comparisons cover the principal changes, although two year references are inaccurate.
Check every date and figure against the charts so that the overview and supporting details are fully accurate.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information progresses logically through major changes and stable categories, with effective cohesive links, but the response is presented as one paragraph.
Separate the overview and grouped details into distinct paragraphs to make the organisation more immediately visible.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise range, including terms such as "outlay," "comprised," and "plunged," conveys the comparisons flexibly.
Refine occasional awkward choices such as "food and car" and "amount of salary" for consistently natural phrasing.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of sentence forms is used accurately, with only occasional awkwardness that does not impede meaning.
Proofread the longest sentences for agreement and parallel phrasing, particularly constructions such as "food and car."
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The given pie charts compare the expenses in 7 different categories in 1966 and 1996 by American Citizens.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.