Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
In today's fast-paced world, parents are often faced with the plight of how to occupy their children's free time. Some people suggest that children should be encouraged to participate in group activities, while others believe that it is crucial for children to learn to occupy themselves independently. In this essay, I will discuss both views and explain why I support the idea that parents should encourage their children to partake in organised group activities.
On the one hand, those who believe that children should learn to occupy themselves independently argue that it is an essential life skill that fosters creativity and imagination. Children who have the ability to entertain themselves are less likely to become bored or reliant on external stimuli, and are better equipped to handle unstructured time. They can also develop a stronger sense of self and a more active imagination. For instance, studies have shown that children who spend their free time reading and engaging in imaginative play have better cognitive development and are more successful in academic pursuits.
On the other hand, those who believe that children should participate in group activities argue that it provides numerous benefits. Group activities can help children build important social skills, such as cooperation and teamwork. Children can also learn valuable life skills, such as leadership and communication, which can be beneficial later in life. Additionally, group activities can expose children to new interests and hobbies, which can broaden their horizons and provide them with a sense of purpose. For example, participating in a team sport can help children develop physical fitness, teamwork, and social skills.
In my opinion, parents need to encourage their children to participate in organised group activities because they provide numerous outstanding benefits that can help children develop important skills and interests. Encouraging children to participate in team activities can also promote socialisation and help children build positive relationships with their peers.
In conclusion, while it may be beneficial for children to sometimes occupy themselves independently, I believe that parents should encourage their children to participate in organised group activities. These activities can provide children with valuable life skills, promote socialisation, and broaden their horizons.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Avoid stock phrasing Original: today's fast-paced world Suggested revision: modern life Why it matters: This concise phrase conveys the setting without relying on a familiar cliché.
- 2. Correct word choice Original: plight Suggested revision: question Why it matters: A plight is a difficult condition, so it does not naturally describe a question about arranging free time.
- 3. Use natural wording Original: partake Suggested revision: participate Why it matters: Participate is the more natural academic verb for joining organised activities.
- 4. Make wording concise Original: who have the ability to entertain themselves Suggested revision: who can entertain themselves Why it matters: The modal verb expresses the same meaning more directly.
- 5. Remove unnecessary comma Original: , and are better equipped Suggested revision: and are better equipped Why it matters: The two predicates share the same subject and do not need a separating comma.
- 6. Improve collocation Original: active Suggested revision: vivid Why it matters: Vivid is a more natural adjective for describing a well-developed imagination.
- 7. Improve collocation Original: have better cognitive development Suggested revision: show stronger cognitive development Why it matters: Show stronger development is a more precise academic collocation than have better development.
- 8. Clarify pronoun reference Original: it Suggested revision: participating Why it matters: The singular pronoun has no clear grammatical antecedent, while the gerund names the activity directly.
- 9. Avoid stacked intensifiers Original: numerous outstanding benefits Suggested revision: substantial benefits Why it matters: One precise modifier makes the evaluation more controlled and concise.
- 10. Clarify paired verbs Original: develop important skills and interests Suggested revision: develop important skills and discover new interests Why it matters: People develop skills but more naturally discover interests, so separate verbs improve precision.
Suggested Rewrites
- today's fast-paced world modern life
- plight question
- partake participate
- who have the ability to entertain themselves who can entertain themselves
- , and are better equipped and are better equipped
- active vivid
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response fully addresses both perspectives and maintains a clear preference, with logically sequenced paragraphs and consistently controlled sentence structures. Its main limitation is that several supporting points and examples remain broad or repeat similar benefits, while a few word choices sound overstated or unnatural. The highest-priority improvement is to develop one or two examples with more specific reasoning and use more precise, less repetitive vocabulary.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are directly discussed, the writer's preference is clear throughout, and the main ideas receive relevant explanation and examples.
Deepen the support by explaining one concrete example in greater detail instead of repeating broad benefits.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through clearly focused paragraphs, and cohesive devices guide the discussion without obscuring relationships.
Reduce formulaic signposting and repeated sentence openings to make the progression feel even more natural.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a broad, topic-appropriate vocabulary with generally precise control, despite a few awkward or overstated combinations.
Replace expressions such as 'the plight of how' and 'numerous outstanding benefits' with more natural, exact phrasing.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of sentence structures is used accurately, with only occasional non-impeding agreement or reference slips.
Check pronoun agreement and reference carefully, particularly where plural subjects such as group activities are followed by singular forms.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.