Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Same question Compare 2 different answersSample Response
Some argue that compulsory volunteer work is beneficial for both students and society and therefore, should be a mandatory part of high-school curriculum. I agree with this opinion, and in this essay, I will explain why unpaid community service should be a compulsory component of high school programmes.
To commence with, community service offers valuable opportunities for personal development and instils a sense of civic responsibility in young individuals. Engaging in community service exposes students to real-world issues and challenges, helping them develop empathy and compassion for others. Research indicates that, by actively participating in initiatives aimed at improving the well-being of their communities, high-school students can develop essential life skills such as leadership, teamwork, and problem-solving. If this is made mandatory, all students would participate in such activities and reap the benefits it offers.
Another compelling argument for mandatory community service in high school programmes is the positive impact it can have on bridging social divides and building stronger community bonds. Compulsory community service projects often bring together students from diverse backgrounds and cultures, encouraging interaction and understanding among peers who may not otherwise have the opportunity to collaborate. This can help break down stereotypes and promote social cohesion within the school and the wider community. For instance, when students work together towards a common goal, they can develop a shared sense of purpose and belonging, which can contribute to a more harmonious and inclusive society.
In conclusion, making unpaid community service a required part of high school programmes offers numerous benefits in terms of personal development, fostering civic responsibility, and building stronger communities. By providing opportunities for students to actively engage with their communities and contribute to meaningful causes, compulsory community service can play a pivotal role in shaping well-rounded and socially conscious individuals.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove misplaced comma Original: and therefore, Suggested revision: and therefore Why it matters: The comma after 'therefore' incorrectly separates the adverb from the verb phrase.
- 2. Add required article Original: part of high-school curriculum Suggested revision: part of the high school curriculum Why it matters: The definite article is needed before the specific curriculum being discussed.
- 3. Use natural transition Original: commence Suggested revision: begin Why it matters: 'To begin with' is a more natural transition in this context.
- 4. Prefer concise wording Original: individuals Suggested revision: people Why it matters: The shorter term is more natural and conveys the same meaning.
- 5. Remove unnecessary hyphen Original: high-school students Suggested revision: high school students Why it matters: 'High school' is normally written without a hyphen in this noun phrase.
- 6. Match hypothetical form Original: is Suggested revision: were Why it matters: The hypothetical condition should use 'were' to match the conditional result with 'would'.
- 7. Match plural antecedent Original: the benefits it offers Suggested revision: the benefits they offer Why it matters: The pronoun should agree with the plural antecedent 'activities'.
- 8. Improve collocation Original: impact it can have on bridging Suggested revision: role it can play in bridging Why it matters: 'Play a role in bridging' is a more natural collocation here.
- 9. Clarify shared understanding Original: interaction and understanding among peers Suggested revision: interaction and mutual understanding among peers Why it matters: 'Mutual understanding' makes the reciprocal relationship between peers explicit.
- 10. Make list parallel Original: in terms of personal development, fostering civic responsibility, and building stronger communities Suggested revision: by promoting personal development, fostering civic responsibility, and building stronger communities Why it matters: Using three parallel verb forms makes the list grammatically consistent.
Suggested Rewrites
- and therefore, and therefore
- part of high-school curriculum part of the high school curriculum
- commence begin
- individuals people
- high-school students high school students
- is were
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response gives a direct, consistent position and develops two well-focused arguments with clear explanations of personal and social benefits. Its main limitation is that some support remains general, particularly the reference to research, while a few minor grammatical slips slightly reduce polish. To improve further, ground one claim in a more concrete example and proofread agreement and article use carefully.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The task is fully addressed through a clear position and two relevant, well-developed reasons for compulsory community service.
Make the research-based support more concrete by briefly specifying a credible finding or realistic school-based example.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas are logically sequenced in well-focused paragraphs, and cohesive devices guide the reader smoothly without obscuring progression.
Vary the opening transition of the first body paragraph to make the organisation feel even more natural.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide, precise, and appropriately academic, with effective phrases related to civic responsibility, social cohesion, and personal development.
Continue refining collocational economy by avoiding slightly formulaic expressions such as "To commence with" when a simpler transition would suffice.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used accurately, and the few errors do not impede communication.
Proofread article and agreement details, especially "part of the high-school curriculum" and "the benefits it offers."
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.