Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
In today's world, parents often face a dilemma over howhave a dilemma about how their children should spend their free time. While some people believe that engaging in organised group activities is an important part of a child's developmentthe key to a child's development, others argue that it is crucial for children to learn how to occupy themselves. This essay will explore both these views. As far as my opinion goes, parents should maintain a balance when it comes to their children's free time activity by encouragingmotivating them to participate in group activities while also allowing them sometimes to choosepermitting them to sometimes choose their own leisure activities.
On the one hand, proponents of organised group activities argueproponents of encouraging children to participate in organised group activities say that these activities help children learnit helps children learn social skills such as cooperation, teamwork, and leadership. For example, when children participate in team sports like soccer or basketball, they learn the importance of working together towards a common goal and develop cooperation and teamwork. AdditionallyOn top of that, they develop physical skills, including coordination and agility, whichcoordination and agility which help them stay healthy. For instance, participating regularly in these group activitiesengaging in regular physical activities through these group activities promotes overall fitness and well-being, reducing the risk of lifestyle-related health issues in the long run.
On the other hand, many people argueexpress that children should be encouraged to learn how to occupy themselves. When children are given free time, they use their imagination and creativity to keep themselves engaged. They learn to think independently, make decisions, and problem-solve on their own. Furthermore, when children are not occupied with structured activities, they can experience a sense of relaxation and freedom, which can improve their mental well-being. Research showsResearch works show that unstructured free time allows young children to follow their interests and pursue hobbies such ashobbies, like painting or building, enhancing their self-expression and nurturing their passions.
In my opinion, both approaches have their merits, and parents should find a balance between the two. Children should be encouraged to participate in group activities, but they should also be given free time to pursue their interests and hobbies.
In conclusion, parents should find a balance between structured and unstructured time to ensure their children's overall development. Children need opportunities to learn social and physical skills, but they also require free time to explore their interests and develop their creativity.
Why this response received Band 8.0
The essay's strongest feature is its balanced and thoroughly developed treatment of both approaches, supported by relevant examples and a consistent opinion that combines structured and independent activity. Its main limitation is minor repetition and occasional unnatural wording rather than any substantive weakness in the argument. Prioritise tightening repeated points and refining a few collocations so the response becomes more concise and natural.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are fully explored with relevant support, and the balanced personal position is clear and maintained throughout.
Deepen the evaluation slightly by explaining how parents might determine an appropriate balance for children of different ages or needs.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically through well-focused paragraphs, with effective cohesive devices and clear referencing despite some repetition.
Condense the separate opinion paragraph or use it to add evaluation rather than restating ideas already established in the introduction.
Lexical Resource
A broad and generally precise vocabulary communicates the argument flexibly, with occasional awkward collocations and repeated terms.
Use more natural expressions such as face a dilemma, free-time activities, and research shows, while varying repeated references to children and activities.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is handled accurately, and the few minor errors do not interfere with meaning.
Polish punctuation around modifying clauses and check singular-plural noun choices to remove isolated lapses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.