Some people get into debt by buying things they don’t need and can’t afford. What are the reasons for this behaviour? What action can be taken to prevent people from having this problem?
Sample Response
Buying unnecessary things despite some people's financial limitation and getting into debt have affected our society severely. There may be various reasons for this attitude, but in my opinion, competition, social tradition, greed, marketing tactics, and materialistic expectation are the influencing factors for such a trend. Prudent thinking, positive mentality and some laws can prevent it.
Firstly, some people feel an invisible competition and they try to prove their superiority by having more and thus made a habit of showing off. For instances, if someone buys a latest electronic gadget, many others, who feel the invisible competition, might get frustrated for not having the latest model. Many of them would actually buy the latest model just to be ahead of the competition. Sometimes, they will borrow from others to have those materialistic greed fulfilled. Thus they get into debts and cannot purchase things that they really need at a time.
Secondly, in countries like India and Nepal, dowry system still persists and in many cases, bride's parents are compelled to take a loan and fulfil bride-groom parents’ demand. Besides, social trends often force people to maintain a lifestyle that they cannot afford, and those people are forced to get trapped in debts. Again, personal greed to own more and to have more often allure people to purchase things that they do not need and borrow money from others. Marketing tactics are meant to attract as many customers as possible and we are surrounded by marketing and it is quite tough for us to be prudent while purchasing. Finally, easy bank loans for fulfilling different needs can often trap people to fall in debts.
Reasons for our getting into debts explained above are deeply rooted in our society and have affected peace and harmony of many families. People should give up useless competitions and be contented with whatever they can afford rather than trying to have a lifestyle that they cannot manage. Government and concerned authority should make strict laws to abolish dowry system and bank loans should be made more rigid. Finally, our personal realisation is the most important factor to prevent ourselves getting trapped in debts by purchasing things we do not need. This is a personal choice and no one is going to stop us from purchasing unnecessary things unless we develop a self-realisation.
In conclusion, too much attraction towards materialism and competition bounds us to buy unnecessary things and there are proper measures to control this abominable habit and self-realisation is the most important one.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use plural noun Original: expectation Suggested revision: expectations Why it matters: The noun should be plural to agree with the other general factors in the list.
- 2. Use natural phrasing Original: positive mentality Suggested revision: a positive mindset Why it matters: A positive mindset is the more natural expression for this proposed personal response.
- 3. Correct competition phrase Original: feel an invisible competition Suggested revision: feel a sense of competition Why it matters: People feel a sense of competition rather than feel a competition.
- 4. Keep tense consistent Original: made Suggested revision: make Why it matters: The present-tense discussion requires make rather than made.
- 5. Correct fixed phrase Original: instances Suggested revision: instance Why it matters: The discourse marker uses the singular form instance.
- 6. Use definite article Original: a Suggested revision: the Why it matters: The superlative latest requires the definite article.
- 7. Correct preposition Original: for Suggested revision: at Why it matters: Frustrated at is the natural construction before a gerund phrase.
- 8. Fix determiner agreement Original: those materialistic greed Suggested revision: that materialistic desire Why it matters: The singular uncountable idea needs that, and desire fits the intended meaning.
- 9. Use singular debt Original: debts Suggested revision: debt Why it matters: Debt is normally uncountable in the expression get into debt.
- 10. Clarify time reference Original: a Suggested revision: the Why it matters: The definite phrase refers to the particular time when essential purchases are needed.
- 11. Add definite article Original: dowry system still Suggested revision: the dowry system still Why it matters: The named social system requires the definite article in this context.
- 12. Add definite article Original: bride's parents Suggested revision: the bride's parents Why it matters: The specific parents in the described marriage context require the.
Suggested Rewrites
- expectation expectations
- positive mentality a positive mindset
- feel an invisible competition feel a sense of competition
- made make
- instances instance
- a the
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response addresses both questions with a broad range of relevant causes and preventive actions, and its explanation of status competition is particularly well illustrated. Its main limitation is that later causes and solutions are often listed rather than fully connected through cause and effect, while recurring language errors weaken precision. The highest-priority improvement is to select fewer key factors and develop each one alongside a specific, workable prevention measure.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both causes and preventive actions are covered through relevant ideas and examples, although some points receive only brief or generalized development.
Pair each major cause with a clearly explained preventive action and show exactly how that action would reduce unnecessary borrowing.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay progresses logically from causes to solutions with clear paragraphing, despite some repetition and crowded lists within paragraphs.
Organize the causes into two broader categories and use referencing to avoid repeatedly naming competition, debt, and unnecessary purchases.
Lexical Resource
The response has sufficient range for social, financial, and personal causes, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word forms reduce naturalness.
Use standard phrases such as financial constraints, social pressure, incur debt, stricter lending criteria, and self-control.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex sentences communicates the main ideas, but recurring errors in agreement, tense, articles, plurals, and verb patterns are noticeable.
Proofread sentence subjects and verb forms carefully, especially when referring to people, competition, and actions that cause debt.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people get into debt by buying things they don’t need and can’t afford. What are the reasons for this behaviour? What action can be taken to prevent people from having this problem?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.