The number of homeless people is increasing in many major cities around the world. What do you think are the reasons behind this? What measures could be taken to solve it?
Sample Response
The alarming rise in the number of homeless individuals in major cities worldwide is a pressing issue that demands urgent attention. This essay will explore the reasons behind this phenomenon and propose measures to address the problem.
One significant reason for the increasing number of homeless people is the widening economic disparities within society. As cities become hubs of economic growth, job opportunities may not be equally accessible to all. Economic inequality and a lack of well-paying jobs can push individuals and families into poverty and ultimately homelessness. For example, in metropolitan areas where the cost of living is high, individuals with low-income jobs may struggle to afford housing, leading to homelessness. To mitigate this issue, governments should prioritise policies that promote inclusive economic growth, provide job training programmes, and ensure fair wages to reduce income inequality.
Another major factor contributing to homelessness is the scarcity of affordable housing. Rapid urbanization, coupled with limited housing options and rising property prices, creates a situation where housing becomes unaffordable for many individuals. As a result, people are forced to live on the streets or in inadequate and unsafe living conditions. For instance, in cities where gentrification occurs, the transformation of neighbourhoods often leads to increased rents, displacing low-income residents and exacerbating homelessness. To address this issue, governments should invest in affordable housing initiatives, implement rent control measures, and collaborate with the private sector to develop affordable housing options.
Finally, many individuals experiencing homelessness face mental health issues, substance abuse problems, or a lack of social support networks. Without comprehensive support services, it becomes challenging for them to break free from the cycle of homelessness. For example, providing mental health counselling, addiction treatment programmes, and social services tailored to the needs of homeless individuals can assist them in rebuilding their lives and reintegrating into society.
In conclusion, the increasing number of homeless people in major cities is a multifaceted issue with economic, housing, and social dimensions. To address this problem effectively, governments should focus on reducing economic disparities, promoting affordable housing initiatives, and providing comprehensive support services.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Complete parallel structure Original: and ultimately homelessness Suggested revision: and eventually into homelessness Why it matters: Repeating into makes homelessness parallel with the preceding destination, poverty.
- 2. Use neutral wording Original: alarming rise Suggested revision: rise Why it matters: The noun rise already conveys the increase without an evaluative modifier.
- 3. Avoid redundant emphasis Original: pressing issue that demands urgent attention Suggested revision: pressing issue Why it matters: Pressing already implies that the issue requires urgent attention.
- 4. Use direct framing Original: This essay will explore Suggested revision: This essay examines Why it matters: The present-tense verb states the essay's purpose more directly.
- 5. Make phrasing concise Original: the widening economic disparities within society Suggested revision: widening economic inequality Why it matters: The replacement conveys the same idea with fewer abstract words.
- 6. Use concise term Original: individuals with low-income jobs Suggested revision: low-income workers Why it matters: The replacement expresses the same group more economically.
- 7. Use consistent reference Original: To mitigate this issue Suggested revision: To address this problem Why it matters: Address this problem refers clearly to the economic cause and its consequences.
- 8. Specify training type Original: job training programmes Suggested revision: vocational training programmes Why it matters: Vocational identifies the employment-focused purpose of the training more precisely.
- 9. Use direct wording Original: Another major factor contributing to homelessness Suggested revision: Another major cause of homelessness Why it matters: The replacement is more concise while preserving the causal relationship.
- 10. Clarify housing supply Original: coupled with limited housing options and rising property prices Suggested revision: combined with a limited housing supply and rising property prices Why it matters: Housing supply describes the market constraint more precisely than housing options.
- 11. Clarify cause to example Suggested revision: Use a brief transition from unequal job access to the specific example of low-income workers facing high housing costs. Why it matters: The transition would make the example's relationship to the economic cause easier to follow.
- 12. Strengthen internal sequence Suggested revision: Present the housing shortage, its effect, the gentrification example, and the policy response as four clearly linked stages. Why it matters: A more explicit sequence would sharpen progression within this dense paragraph.
Suggested Rewrites
- and ultimately homelessness and eventually into homelessness
- alarming rise rise
- pressing issue that demands urgent attention pressing issue
- This essay will explore This essay examines
- the widening economic disparities within society widening economic inequality
- individuals with low-income jobs low-income workers
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response addresses both causes and solutions fully, developing a coherent account through relevant economic, housing, and social examples. Its strongest feature is the clear alignment between each identified cause and a practical response, while the main limitation is some repetition and formulaic signposting. Greater lexical variation and slightly more nuanced evaluation of how the proposed measures would work would make the argument even more incisive.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both questions are answered directly through well-developed causes, relevant examples, and corresponding measures across several dimensions of homelessness.
Add brief evaluation of the likely effectiveness or limitations of the proposed policies to make the analysis more nuanced.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas are sequenced clearly in focused paragraphs, and cohesive devices guide the reader smoothly through causes, examples, and solutions.
Vary recurring cause-example-solution transitions so the progression feels less formulaic while remaining easy to follow.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a wide and precise range of topic vocabulary, with natural collocations and only minor repetition of key terms.
Use a few well-chosen substitutes for repeated phrases concerning homelessness and affordable housing without sacrificing precision.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex sentence structures is handled accurately, with the great majority of sentences free from grammatical error.
Refine sentence rhythm by occasionally shortening heavily layered sentences while preserving the current level of accuracy.