Cinema attendance in some countries is on the decline. What do you think are the causes of this development and what measures could be taken to solve it?
Sample Response
In the past, going to the cinema was one of the commonest ways to spend one’s free time. However, nowadays, in some nations, this is not the case anymore. This essay will suggest that the root causes for this phenomenon are poor local film industry and the high cost of cinema tickets. Thus, the solutions will be to improve the movies’ quality and making the fee payable by all the population. The principle reason for the decline in cinema attendance in some countries is the poor local movie quality. Today, the main target for any film industry in these countries is only to gain some money, instead of entertaining the audience. Thus, they tend to hire inexperienced actors and use cheap resources, so that they pay less and hence, gain more. Another reason to mention is that the tickets are being even more expensive than before, which restricts the attendance to rich people, while even medium-classed population cannot afford its costs. The most practical solution to tackle this issue is to enhance the quality of film industry. Filmmakers can hire well-experienced actors and actresses, and pay more in production and advertising. This will increase the attendance and in turn, will increase the profits. The government can also help by buying international movies like Hollywood movies. One other important measure to increase numbers of the audience is to lower the costs of attendance, so as to make it accessible to all population regardless of their ability to pay. To summarise, the decline in cinema attendance has become a widespread problem in some countries. Bad quality of local film industry is one of the most important causes, but fortunately, there are many ways to improve this situation. So, this problem is expected to be solved in the coming years.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Natural superlative Original: commonest ways Suggested revision: most common ways Why it matters: This is more natural in formal writing.
- 2. Avoid overstatement Original: root causes Suggested revision: main causes Why it matters: Root suggests deeper underlying mechanisms.
- 3. Missing article Original: poor local film industry Suggested revision: a poor local film industry Why it matters: A singular countable noun needs an article.
- 4. Parallel form Original: making the fee payable Suggested revision: make ticket prices affordable Why it matters: Keep improve and make parallel.
- 5. Wrong word Original: principle reason Suggested revision: principal reason Why it matters: Principal means main; principle means a rule.
- 6. Natural business term Original: main target Suggested revision: main aim Why it matters: Aim fits the intended meaning.
- 7. Natural collocation Original: gain some money Suggested revision: make a profit Why it matters: Businesses make a profit.
- 8. Precise production term Original: use cheap resources Suggested revision: use low-cost production materials Why it matters: Resources is vague.
- 9. Comparative form Original: being even more expensive Suggested revision: becoming increasingly expensive Why it matters: The trend needs a clear comparative expression.
- 10. Wrong form Original: medium-classed population Suggested revision: middle-income population Why it matters: This is the standard descriptor.
- 11. Pronoun reference Original: cannot afford its costs Suggested revision: cannot afford the cost Why it matters: Its has no clear singular referent.
- 12. Missing article Original: the quality of film industry Suggested revision: the quality of the film industry Why it matters: The specific industry needs the.
Suggested Rewrites
- commonest ways most common ways
- root causes main causes
- poor local film industry a poor local film industry
- making the fee payable make ticket prices affordable
- principle reason principal reason
- main target main aim
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response answers both parts directly, develops two plausible causes, and pairs them with practical measures in a clear problem-solution structure. Its main limitation is that the proposed government purchase of international films is underexplained, while several lexical choices and comparative forms are inaccurate. Strengthen the feasibility of each solution and polish recurring collocations such as principal reason, affordable, and invest in production.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Two causes and corresponding solutions are developed clearly, though the government-film proposal is not fully justified and the final prediction is unsupported.
Explain how subsidies, pricing schemes, or distribution agreements would increase attendance.
Coherence and Cohesion
The progression from causes to solutions is easy to follow, with generally effective referencing.
Use clearer paragraph divisions and link each solution explicitly to its stated cause.
Lexical Resource
There is a good topic range, but several word choices and collocations are imprecise.
Use principal, affordable, invest in production, and number of attendees accurately.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of structures is mostly controlled, though parallelism, articles, and comparative forms need attention.
Check gerund parallelism and articles in general noun phrases.