Traditionally women play the role of upbringing their children while men work outside to earn money for the family. Some people argue that women make the better parent than man and that’s why they should play the greater role in upbringing children. Others, however, say that men can be as good as women in parenting. What is your point of view on this issue?
Sample Response
Raising children in any society is influenced by their own values and cultures. Restlessness traditional world viewer, think and see that the women are the dominant person in taking care of their children. However, in modern society, women and men as an equal to taking their part in raising up the children.
Traditionally, people exhort the women to take primary responsibility for nursing and educating their children. Women take a crucial role in growing the kids to being an enough older. Meanwhile, the man pays more attentions on fulfilling goods for the family members. Men are the person with superior power in making decisions in the family and women are powerless and follow the decision of men. She can not involve in voted her voices on taking a decision, otherwise, she only focuses on taking care and growing their children.
Furthermore, modern people show that taking care of their children is older people want to. Both of men and women have the willingness to support the young person to become a man and a woman. The men not only give the authorities to the women to being a single fighter in to provide kids needed, but he is also actively involved in raising their children.
To sum up, take car and guardian the kids not only being as women responsibility, but men also involved actively in younger life development. From my point of view, both of them, men and women have equal responsibility for taking care of and raising their children. Men and women have the same position in making decision in their family as well as in helping their kids for a better life in the future.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Add the main verb Original: women and men as an equal Suggested revision: women and men are equal Why it matters: The clause needs the finite verb are, and equal functions as an adjective here.
- 2. Correct the preposition Original: to taking their part Suggested revision: in taking part Why it matters: The standard construction is take part in or be equal in taking part.
- 3. Use the correct verb Original: raising up the children Suggested revision: raising children Why it matters: Raise already means bring up children, so up and the generic article are unnecessary.
- 4. Choose the intended verb Original: exhort the women Suggested revision: expect women Why it matters: Exhort means strongly urge, while the sentence describes a social expectation.
- 5. Correct the collocation Original: take Suggested revision: play Why it matters: English uses play a role rather than take a role in this context.
- 6. Use child-rearing vocabulary Original: growing the kids Suggested revision: raising children Why it matters: Grow is normally intransitive for people, whereas adults raise children.
- 7. Repair the age phrase Original: to being an enough older Suggested revision: until they are old enough Why it matters: The intended time limit requires until plus a clause and the order old enough.
- 8. Fix number and agreement Original: the man pays more attentions Suggested revision: men pay more attention Why it matters: A general statement needs the plural subject men, plural verb pay, and uncountable attention.
- 9. Use a natural collocation Original: on fulfilling goods Suggested revision: to providing necessities Why it matters: Provide necessities accurately expresses supplying essential goods for a family.
- 10. Fix plural structure Original: Men are the person with Suggested revision: Men have Why it matters: The plural subject cannot take the singular complement the person, and have gives the intended meaning directly.
- 11. Use possessive form Original: the decision of men Suggested revision: men's decisions Why it matters: The possessive plural form naturally expresses decisions made by men.
- 12. Fix voice and reference Original: She can not involve Suggested revision: Women cannot be involved Why it matters: The context refers to women generally, and involve requires a passive form here.
Suggested Rewrites
- women and men as an equal women and men are equal
- to taking their part in taking part
- raising up the children raising children
- exhort the women expect women
- take play
- growing the kids raising children
Why this response received Band 5.0
The response establishes an understandable view that both parents should share responsibility and uses a recognisable introduction-body-conclusion structure. However, the supporting ideas are thin and frequently obscured by inaccurate word choices and persistent sentence-level errors, so the argument is difficult to follow in places. The priority is to build each main idea through short, controlled sentences with clear subjects, accurate verb forms, and relevant explanation.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response gives a clear overall opinion and addresses traditional and modern parenting roles, but its main ideas remain limited and sometimes unclear.
Develop one specific reason why fathers and mothers can parent equally, then support it with a clear example or consequence.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing and basic signposting create a recognisable sequence, although unclear sentences and weak internal links disrupt progression.
Give each body paragraph one controlling idea and connect every following sentence directly to that idea.
Lexical Resource
There is some relevant topic vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices often make the intended meaning difficult to identify.
Prioritise accurate common phrases such as 'share responsibility', 'make decisions', and 'raise children' before attempting less familiar expressions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied sentence structures, but persistent errors in agreement, verb forms, articles, and sentence construction frequently reduce clarity.
Write shorter sentences with one clear subject and verb, then check agreement and verb form before combining ideas.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Traditionally women play the role of upbringing their children while men work outside to earn money for the family. Some people argue that women make the better parent than man and that’s why they should play the greater role in upbringing children. Others, however, say that men can be as good as women in parenting. What is your point of view on this issue?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.