It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children?
Same question Compare all 2 answers See different approaches and band scores for this IELTS task.Sample Response
Education and learning are crucial for every child, and it is not just about academic studies. It is also important to teach children about behaviour and attitude from an early age. Some people believe that punishments may be necessary to ensure that children learn these important lessons. I agree that certain types of verbal and psychological punishment, when used appropriately, can be beneficial for children.
To commence with, teaching good behaviour and virtues, when children are still young, will be easier for parents and teachers. Moreover, if this lesson is followed by penalty or retribution when necessary, they will fear and think twice before breaking any rules and behaving unreasonably. Research carried out by the Statistics Center in Semarang shows that plenty could be the most effective tool to teach children good behaviours. This is because when youngsters know that they will be rebuked and punished for a bad action, they will usually stay away from committing such mischievous acts. This research makes it clear that lessons followed by convenience punishments at an early age are likely to be a wise idea to help youngsters become good members of society.
However, the punishment should always aim to teach good lessons not to intimidate a child. Thus physical punishment is unnecessary. Teachers and parents should always think about alternative ways before imposing any punishment on a child. If the child commits the same abominable act several times, then a minor punishment to teach a lesson should be used. Sometimes taking away a favourite toy from a child can be an effective punishment. The teacher and parents should keep in mind that the main purpose of the punishment is to teach the child a lesson not to hurt him or her physically or mentally.
After the discussion, it can be concluded that useful lessons to instil good manners and morality among children should be taught as early as possible and an effective punishment like rebuking or taking away favourite toys are good alternative to other forms of punishment.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use uncountable noun Original: punishments Suggested revision: punishment Why it matters: Use the uncountable form when referring to punishment in general.
- 2. Clarify the consequence Original: this lesson is followed by penalty or retribution Suggested revision: these lessons are reinforced with a penalty Why it matters: The original collocation is unnatural and the singular reference is too narrow.
- 3. Complete the verb Original: they will fear and think twice Suggested revision: they will fear the consequences and think twice Why it matters: The verb "fear" needs an object here to complete the meaning.
- 4. Choose precise wording Original: behaving unreasonably Suggested revision: misbehaving Why it matters: This verb expresses the intended idea of behaving badly more directly.
- 5. Correct the word Original: plenty Suggested revision: penalties Why it matters: "Plenty" does not denote a form of punishment in this context.
- 6. Use uncountable form Original: behaviours Suggested revision: behaviour Why it matters: "Behaviour" is normally uncountable when describing conduct in general.
- 7. Improve the collocation Original: stay away from committing Suggested revision: refrain from committing Why it matters: "Refrain from" forms a more precise collocation with committing an act.
- 8. Correct word choice Original: convenience Suggested revision: appropriate Why it matters: "Convenience" does not describe punishments that suit the purpose or situation.
- 9. Separate contrasting aims Original: teach good lessons not to intimidate Suggested revision: teach good lessons, not to intimidate Why it matters: A comma is needed to separate the intended aim from the rejected one.
- 10. Match the general reference Original: The teacher and parents Suggested revision: Teachers and parents Why it matters: The plural form keeps both groups as general categories.
- 11. Fix number agreement Original: an effective punishment like rebuking or taking away favourite toys are good alternative Suggested revision: effective punishments like rebuking or taking away favourite toys are good alternatives Why it matters: The plural subject requires a plural complement and removes the subject-verb disagreement.
- 12. Use precise wording Original: studies Suggested revision: subjects Why it matters: "Subjects" more clearly refers to the areas of formal study contrasted with behaviour.
Suggested Rewrites
- punishments punishment
- this lesson is followed by penalty or retribution these lessons are reinforced with a penalty
- they will fear and think twice they will fear the consequences and think twice
- behaving unreasonably misbehaving
- plenty penalties
- behaviours behaviour
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response maintains a clear position, addresses both the need for punishment and acceptable forms, and supports its argument with relevant practical examples. Its main limitation is imprecise wording and occasionally unconvincing development, especially around the cited research and the distinction between psychological discipline and mental harm; prioritise clearer justification and more accurate word choice.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
A clear position is sustained and both parts of the task are addressed with relevant, generally developed ideas.
Develop the rationale for non-physical punishment more rigorously and avoid relying on a vague or implausible research claim.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically through a clear introduction, supporting argument, qualification, and conclusion.
Use referencing and transitions more precisely so that links between lessons, punishments, and their effects are always explicit.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary shows good range, but several inaccurate collocations and word choices reduce precision.
Replace expressions such as "convenience punishments" and "plenty could" with natural, contextually exact wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates meaning clearly, although agreement, article, and punctuation errors recur.
Proofread complex sentences for articles, noun agreement, and clause punctuation, particularly around examples and conclusions.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.