Fatherhood ought to be emphasized as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
In modern societies, women have actively entered the labour marketentered into the labour market and in many sectors, their numbersnumber have even exceeded the number of malemen employees. As a resultDue to this fact, the roles of the two genders as parents have changedhave been modified and the question often arises whetherquite often is raised the issue whether both parents should be equally responsible for bringing up their children. According to the traditional family modelthe family role model over the past years, women were assigned all dutieswere assigned to all duties concerning their children's upbringingthe upbringing of the children, whereas men’s responsibility was to earn money and to provide the family with a good environment. This model of a family was functional since primitive timesfrom the primitive times until recently, for as long as life was notfor as long life wasn’t as complicated or demanding as it is todayso complicated and so demanding as nowadays. This trend, however, has changed to a great extent in many parts of the world. With today’s social and economic development, the disparity between men and women has narrowedhas flattened out. In most families, both men and women have to work in order to maintain stable finances in their householdkeep good financial conditions into their family. But how should be made the decision of having babies and how should the raise of children be shared between parents in these cases? Parents have equal responsibility. The decision of having children should be made jointly by both parentsmade by both parents jointly and subsequently, they shouldsubsequently they should participate equally in raising their childrentake part in the upbringing of their children evenly, as well. Raising children together is good for the child’s psychology and a prerequisite for the evolution of a child to an adult with integrated personality. Children who feel the absence of a parent are negatively affectedaffected in a negative way. Although nowadays many single parents are raising their children successfully, it is important for children to benefit from both parentshave the best of both worlds. The bottom line is that it takes two people to conceive a childproduce a baby and two people to raise a child in a balanced environment. I believe parents must both be attentive to a child’s life. Nature makes it possible for only a woman to bear a child but the task of upbringing should rest on both parents.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response ultimately gives a clear position and supports equal parental responsibility with relevant social and child-development reasoning. Its main limitation is presentation as one dense paragraph, alongside recurring awkward grammar and collocations that reduce fluency; the highest-priority improvement is to organise the argument into a concise introduction, focused body paragraphs, and a conclusion while simplifying inaccurate sentence structures.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay answers the question with a clear belief in shared responsibility and develops relevant reasons involving employment patterns and children's wellbeing.
State the position earlier and develop one central benefit of shared parenting in greater depth instead of spending so long on historical background.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas follow a broadly logical path, but the absence of paragraphing makes the introduction, development, and conclusion difficult to distinguish.
Divide the response into four purposeful paragraphs and use topic sentences to separate context from the two main reasons.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary shows useful range, but combinations such as “men employees,” “keep good financial conditions,” and “integrated personality” are often unnatural.
Use conventional collocations such as “male employees,” “maintain financial stability,” and “well-rounded adult” to improve precision.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are attempted throughout, but agreement, word order, articles, and prepositions are repeatedly inaccurate despite generally clear meaning.
Rewrite inverted or overloaded questions as direct statements and check subject–verb agreement in every multi-clause sentence.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Fatherhood ought to be emphasized as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.