Some people think mothers spend most of their time raising their children, and therefore the government should support them. To what extent do you agree or disagree with it?
Sample Response
It is certainly true that child rising is considered to be a crucial work of every woman. Although I accept that few women are still need of government’s support, I believe not all women expect this. Gone are those days, when women were typical homemakers or mothers. The roles of women have changed inside today’s contemporary families. In fact, the women are becoming the breadwinners of the family and men are taking up the role of house husbands. So how is this possible for a mother to become wholly responsible for children’s upbringing! Educated women of this modern world share their responsibilities with their life partners and are also focusing on financial issues, career, savings etc other than the usual household chores and taking care of their children. It is believed that child’s behaviour nowadays is shaped by the schools and the society. So the parents just look after that their ward is getting educated in a good institution. In this way, the child grows more independently and successfully. Therefore, it is practically not possible for women these days to spend more time in child raising. However, there are still women who are in dire need of government’s support. In some rural areas which are not developed, women still take up only the role of mothers. They may not be well educated and therefore cannot support themselves. The situation would be worse if she is divorced or a widow. In this case, women should be supported financially. For instance, Pettavaithalai village near Trichy city in India receives a funding to support all the mothers with Rs 10,000 monthly. Consequently, the women and her children are now developing and becoming successful. Thus, few women should be supported by the government. In conclusion, while I accept that in few areas of the world women still lives on the darker side and should be helped, I believe that the revolutionised world has changed the role of most women and they do not depend on government’s support.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct term Original: child rising Suggested revision: child-rearing Why it matters: Use the standard term for bringing up a child.
- 2. Uncountable noun Original: a crucial work Suggested revision: crucial work Why it matters: Work is uncountable in this general sense and does not take the article a.
- 3. Add missing preposition Original: few women are still need of Suggested revision: some women are still in need of Why it matters: The fixed expression is in need of, and some accurately expresses the intended meaning.
- 4. Fix relative clause Original: those days, when Suggested revision: the days when Why it matters: The inverted expression requires the days when without an intervening comma.
- 5. Remove redundancy Original: inside today’s contemporary families Suggested revision: within contemporary families Why it matters: Today’s and contemporary repeat the same meaning, while within fits the context better.
- 6. Use question mark Original: upbringing! Suggested revision: upbringing? Why it matters: The sentence is a direct rhetorical question and should end with a question mark.
- 7. Add article Original: child’s behaviour Suggested revision: a child’s behaviour Why it matters: The singular countable noun child needs a determiner here.
- 8. Remove generic articles Original: the schools and the society Suggested revision: schools and society Why it matters: Plural schools and society are used generically here, so the definite articles are unnecessary.
- 9. Use natural description Original: grows more independently and successfully Suggested revision: becomes more independent and successful Why it matters: The adjective pattern describes the child’s resulting qualities more naturally than the adverbs do.
- 10. Use concise wording Original: some rural areas which are not developed Suggested revision: some underdeveloped rural areas Why it matters: The revision expresses the same idea more concisely and naturally.
- 11. Choose correct phrasal verb Original: up Suggested revision: on Why it matters: Take on is the natural phrasal verb for assuming a role.
- 12. Uncountable noun Original: a funding Suggested revision: funding Why it matters: Funding is uncountable when it refers generally to financial support.
Suggested Rewrites
- child rising child-rearing
- a crucial work crucial work
- few women are still need of some women are still in need of
- those days, when the days when
- inside today’s contemporary families within contemporary families
- upbringing! upbringing?
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response’s strongest feature is its clear, qualified position: most modern mothers do not require state support, while disadvantaged mothers may need financial help. However, the reasoning relies on broad assumptions about women’s roles and offers only limited explanation of why government support follows from each situation. Prioritise developing fewer claims more rigorously, using specific causal reasoning and a credible, clearly explained example.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response presents a clear, consistent position and supports both sides of its qualification, although several claims are broad or insufficiently examined.
Develop the link between mothers’ circumstances and the need for state support more precisely, using a credible example with fuller explanation.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically from modern shared parenting to mothers who need assistance, but the single-block presentation and sometimes mechanical linking weaken organisation.
Separate the introduction, main arguments, and conclusion into purposeful paragraphs and use referencing or logical progression instead of repeated connective phrases.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a reasonably varied vocabulary, including terms such as “breadwinners,” “upbringing,” and “dire need,” but recurrent collocation and word-choice errors reduce precision.
Improve control of common academic collocations and noun forms, particularly phrases such as “child raising,” “crucial work,” and “receive funding.”
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates the argument clearly, although frequent errors with articles, agreement, pronouns, and sentence construction remain noticeable.
Proofread systematically for subject–verb agreement, singular–plural consistency, articles, and pronoun reference, especially in sentences about women and their children.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think mothers spend most of their time raising their children, and therefore the government should support them. To what extent do you agree or disagree with it?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.