In some countries, more and more people are hiring a personal fitness trainer, rather than playing sports or doing exercise classes. What are the reasons for this? Is this a positive or a negative development?
Sample Response
Nowadays, the practice of hiring personal fitness trainers is very common across various nations, especially among financially affluent individuals. This increasing trend can be attributed to several factors. However, from my perspective, it is a positive development.
The primary motivation behind opting for a private fitness coach arises from the desire for a tailored and personalized service. One-on-one training with a professional trainer offers customized exercise routines, dietary plans, and lifestyle modifications meticulously designed to align with an individual’s specific goals and health conditions. This is the reason why numerous celebrities and wealthy individuals in developed countries engage the services of personal fitness trainers. Furthermore, these coaches play a pivotal role in maintaining motivation and guiding individuals towards achieving their fitness objectives, rendering it a more practical choice.
Hiring a personal fitness coach is a positive trend due to the benefits it affords. Fitness encompasses more than just exercise and weight loss; it is a holistic combination of physical activity, proper nutrition, and a healthy daily routine. Once a personal trainer is engaged, they can guide the trainee in reaching their fitness goals while simultaneously ensuring the adoption of a more health-conscious lifestyle. Motivation plays a crucial role in this endeavor. When an individual decides to engage in a sport, walk, or run independently, they often discontinue the activity within a few days or weeks. In contrast, with a personal trainer, the individual is more likely to persist on their journey towards achieving their fitness aspirations.
In conclusion, many individuals opt for personal fitness trainers to receive personalized service and remain motivated. It is predominantly a positive development as it helps people in adopting a comprehensive approach to their fitness goals, even amidst the demands of a busy lifestyle. (289 words)
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Avoid redundancy Original: financially affluent individuals Suggested revision: affluent individuals Why it matters: Affluent already conveys financial wealth, so financially is redundant.
- 2. Use direct phrasing Original: arises from the desire Suggested revision: is the desire Why it matters: The simpler linking structure expresses the motivation more directly.
- 3. Remove repetition Original: tailored and personalized service Suggested revision: personalized service Why it matters: Tailored and personalized repeat the same idea here.
- 4. Use natural wording Original: modifications Suggested revision: changes Why it matters: Lifestyle changes is the more natural collocation in this context.
- 5. Tighten reference Original: This is the reason why Suggested revision: This explains why Why it matters: The replacement links the example to the preceding benefit more concisely.
- 6. Clarify pronoun Original: rendering it a more practical choice Suggested revision: making personal training a more practical choice Why it matters: Naming personal training removes the vague reference of it.
- 7. Use natural verb Original: affords Suggested revision: provides Why it matters: Provides is more natural and direct than affords in this sentence.
- 8. Reduce nominalisation Original: ensuring the adoption of Suggested revision: helping the trainee adopt Why it matters: The active verb phrase makes the agent and action clearer.
- 9. Use correct collocation Original: engage in a sport Suggested revision: play a sport Why it matters: Play a sport is the standard collocation for this activity.
- 10. Reduce wordiness Original: journey towards achieving their fitness aspirations Suggested revision: efforts to achieve their fitness goals Why it matters: The revision expresses the same idea more precisely and economically.
- 11. Correct verb pattern Original: helps people in adopting Suggested revision: helps people adopt Why it matters: Help takes the bare infinitive here rather than in followed by a gerund.
Suggested Rewrites
- financially affluent individuals affluent individuals
- arises from the desire is the desire
- tailored and personalized service personalized service
- modifications changes
- This is the reason why This explains why
- rendering it a more practical choice making personal training a more practical choice
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response answers both questions directly and develops its positive position through a coherent explanation of personalisation, expert guidance, and sustained motivation. Its main limitation is that the reasons are somewhat overlapping and are illustrated mainly through broad claims about wealthy people rather than concrete evidence. The strongest improvement would be to distinguish the causes more sharply and support each with a specific, credible example.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both questions are fully addressed through a clear position and well-developed reasons concerning personalised support and motivation.
Differentiate the reasons more explicitly and substantiate each with a concrete example rather than a broad claim about affluent users.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically across focused paragraphs, and cohesive devices guide the reader smoothly without becoming conspicuous.
Make the transition between the reasons and the evaluation even tighter by explicitly showing how each cause creates the stated benefits.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise vocabulary is used flexibly, including effective language for tailored training, motivation, and holistic fitness.
Prefer slightly more natural phrasing in places, such as 'helps people adopt,' and avoid occasional over-elaboration where simpler wording is more exact.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is handled accurately, with only rare minor lapses that do not impede communication.
Refine the few awkward verb and preposition patterns while maintaining the strong control of complex sentences.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
In some countries, more and more people are hiring a personal fitness trainer, rather than playing sports or doing exercise classes. What are the reasons for this? Is this a positive or a negative development?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.