As global trade has increased among different nations, many daily necessities are produced in other countries. Such goods are usually transported a long distance to reach the consumers. Do the benefits of this trend outweigh its drawbacks?
Sample Response
Global trade has surged between nations in the last few years, and due to this, a plethora of essential goods are being outsourced to other countries, resulting in extended transportation distances to reach consumers. It creates both advantages and problems. In this essay, I will argue that the benefits of this trend outweigh its drawbacks.
This trend does present some drawbacks, notably in terms of environmental implications. The transportation of goods over long distances contributes to carbon emissions and exacerbates climate change. The carbon footprint associated with the extensive shipping and transportation processes poses a significant challenge to sustainability efforts. For example, importing fresh fruits and vegetables from distant locations results in increased greenhouse gas emissions due to refrigeration and transportation.
On the contrary, one significant advantage of this global trade expansion is easy access to a wider range of affordable goods for consumers. By producing daily necessities in countries with cost-effective resources and labour, prices for these products can be reduced, making them more accessible to people from various socio-economic backgrounds. For instance, the availability of low-cost electronic devices manufactured in countries with advanced technology has facilitated greater digital connectivity for individuals around the world, enhancing communication and knowledge-sharing.
In conclusion, the benefits of producing daily necessities in other countries and the subsequent global trade far outweigh the potential drawbacks this trend has. It promotes economic growth by providing affordable goods to consumers and facilitates access to a diverse array of products. While environmental concerns arising from increased transportation distances are valid, measures can be implemented to mitigate carbon emissions, such as improving transportation efficiency and encouraging the use of renewable energy sources.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Improve the collocation Original: surged between nations Suggested revision: increased among nations Why it matters: Trade increases among multiple nations, while surged between sounds less natural in this context.
- 2. Use a clear connector Original: due to this Suggested revision: as a result Why it matters: As a result expresses the claimed consequence more directly and naturally.
- 3. Use measured wording Original: a plethora of Suggested revision: many Why it matters: Plethora is unnecessarily emphatic for this neutral description of essential goods.
- 4. Correct the verb choice Original: outsourced Suggested revision: produced Why it matters: Production can be outsourced, but the goods themselves are produced in other countries.
- 5. Use natural phrasing Original: extended transportation distances Suggested revision: longer transport distances Why it matters: Longer transport distances is the more natural and concise expression.
- 6. Avoid overlapping terms Original: the extensive shipping and transportation processes Suggested revision: long-distance transport Why it matters: Shipping and transportation overlap in meaning, so the shorter phrase is clearer.
- 7. Correct the contrast marker Original: On the contrary Suggested revision: By contrast Why it matters: The paragraph contrasts an advantage with a drawback rather than contradicting the previous claim.
- 8. Improve noun phrasing Original: is easy access Suggested revision: is the ease of access Why it matters: The definite noun phrase fits more smoothly after one significant advantage.
- 9. Clarify the meaning Original: cost-effective resources Suggested revision: lower-cost resources Why it matters: Lower-cost states the intended price advantage more directly than cost-effective.
- 10. Use concise possession Original: drawbacks this trend has Suggested revision: drawbacks of this trend Why it matters: The of-phrase is more concise and natural in this formal sentence.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: It creates both advantages and problems. Suggested revision: This pattern of international production creates both benefits and drawbacks. Why it matters: The revision replaces the vague pronoun and aligns the terms with the essay's comparison.
Suggested Rewrites
- surged between nations increased among nations
- due to this as a result
- a plethora of many
- outsourced produced
- extended transportation distances longer transport distances
- the extensive shipping and transportation processes long-distance transport
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response is strongest in its clear position, logical two-sided structure, and relevant examples linking international production to affordability and environmental costs. Its main limitation is that the central outweigh judgment is asserted more than demonstrated, with only one principal benefit and drawback developed. The highest-priority improvement is to compare their scale and significance directly, explaining why consumer access and economic gains justify the environmental cost identified.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses both benefits and drawbacks, states a consistent position, and supports its main ideas, but the comparative evaluation lacks depth.
Explicitly weigh the long-term environmental harm against the scale of consumer and economic benefits before confirming the conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is logically sequenced in focused paragraphs, with clear overall progression and mostly effective cohesive links.
Replace the imprecise contrast marker On the contrary with a more accurate transition such as By contrast or Turning to the benefits.
Lexical Resource
The response demonstrates a good range of topic vocabulary, though a few word choices and combinations are imprecise or overextended.
Choose more exact phrasing, for example produced abroad rather than outsourced to other countries when describing goods.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A varied range of complex structures is handled with strong control, and the few awkward constructions do not impede meaning.
Polish article use and clause phrasing in sentences such as the subsequent global trade and the potential drawbacks this trend has.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
As global trade has increased among different nations, many daily necessities are produced in other countries. Such goods are usually transported a long distance to reach the consumers. Do the benefits of this trend outweigh its drawbacks?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.