Some people think the increasing business and cultural contact between countries brings many positive effects. Others say it causes the loss of national identities. Discuss both of these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
Some opine that the increasing trade and cultural relations between nations bring about numerous positive effects, fostering global cooperation and economic growth, while others argue that this interconnectedness may lead to the erosion of national identities, traditions, and cultural uniqueness. In my view, while the benefits of international contact are undeniable, it is essential to strike a balance that preserves and respects the diverse cultural heritage of smaller nations.
On the one hand, proponents of the benefits of increasing business and cultural contact between countries assert that it promotes understanding and collaboration among nations. Enhanced trade relations facilitate the exchange of goods, services, and technologies, boosting economic prosperity for all involved. For instance, the ease of cross-border communication and cooperation has allowed companies to expand their markets globally, leading to economic advancement and job opportunities. Furthermore, cultural exchange programmes and international events encourage the appreciation of diverse traditions, fostering mutual respect and harmony among nations.
Conversely, some concerns that intensified cultural and business ties may lead to a homogenization of cultures, overshadowing the uniqueness of smaller nations. The influence of global media and mass communication can perpetuate dominant cultures, diluting local traditions and identities. For example, the prevalence of Westernized fashion and entertainment may overshadow traditional clothing and indigenous art forms, leading to a loss of cultural identity for smaller communities.
In conclusion, growing business and cultural contact between nations undoubtedly brings substantial benefits, promoting mutual understanding, economic growth, and global cooperation. However, we must also be mindful of its potential impact on smaller nations' national identities and cultural diversity. While international trade facilities and agreements should be welcomed, necessary efforts to preserve cultural and national identities should also be made.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural attribution Original: Some opine Suggested revision: Some people argue Why it matters: Some people argue is a more natural and transparent way to introduce this view.
- 2. Use concise relationship phrase Original: increasing trade and cultural relations Suggested revision: growing trade and cultural ties Why it matters: Growing ties expresses the expansion of both relationships more concisely.
- 3. Emphasize distinct heritage Original: diverse Suggested revision: distinct Why it matters: Distinct more precisely supports the stated need to preserve each smaller nation's uniqueness.
- 4. Reduce nominal wordiness Original: proponents of the benefits of increasing business and cultural contact between countries Suggested revision: proponents of increased international business and cultural contact Why it matters: The revision retains the meaning while reducing a long chain of abstract nouns and modifiers.
- 5. Name affected parties Original: for all involved Suggested revision: for all countries involved Why it matters: Naming countries makes the scope of the claimed prosperity explicit.
- 6. Avoid redundant market phrase Original: expand their markets globally Suggested revision: expand into global markets Why it matters: Expand into global markets is the natural collocation for international business growth.
- 7. Supply person and verb Original: some concerns that Suggested revision: some people are concerned that Why it matters: Concerns is a noun or third-person verb, so the clause needs a plural subject and passive adjective.
- 8. Use accurate influence verb Original: perpetuate Suggested revision: reinforce Why it matters: Reinforce more accurately describes global media strengthening the reach of dominant cultures.
- 9. Remove lexical repetition Original: smaller nations' national identities Suggested revision: smaller nations' identities Why it matters: The possessive already identifies the identities as national, making national repetitive.
- 10. Correct trade term Original: facilities Suggested revision: arrangements Why it matters: Arrangements appropriately refers to systems enabling trade, whereas facilities usually means physical infrastructure.
Suggested Rewrites
- Some opine Some people argue
- increasing trade and cultural relations growing trade and cultural ties
- diverse distinct
- proponents of the benefits of increasing business and cultural contact between countries proponents of increased international business and cultural contact
- for all involved for all countries involved
- expand their markets globally expand into global markets
Why this response received Band 8.0
The essay presents a mature, balanced discussion and sustains a clear position that international contact should be welcomed while cultural identity is actively protected. Its strongest feature is the well-developed connection between trade, cooperation, cultural exchange, and the risk of homogenisation, supported by relevant examples. The main limitation is a handful of slightly awkward expressions; the highest-priority improvement is to refine these collocations and specify one practical preservation measure.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are fully addressed with well-developed explanations and relevant examples, and a nuanced personal position is maintained throughout.
Add one concrete policy, such as funding local-language media or protecting indigenous arts, to make the balanced recommendation more actionable.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is logically sequenced into focused paragraphs, with cohesive devices and referencing managed smoothly across the discussion.
As a refinement, link the cultural-risk paragraph more explicitly to the proposed balance stated in the introduction.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide, precise, and flexible across economic and cultural ideas, with only rare slightly awkward collocations.
Replace 'some concerns' and 'international trade facilities' with 'some are concerned' and 'international trade initiatives'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used accurately and confidently, with only rare minor errors that do not affect communication.
Proofread subject-verb structures in isolated phrases such as 'some are concerned that' to maintain complete accuracy.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think the increasing business and cultural contact between countries brings many positive effects. Others say it causes the loss of national identities. Discuss both of these views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.