The internet allows us to stay connected with each other no matter where we are. On the other hand, it also isolates us and encourages people not to socialise. To what extent do you agree or disagree with these statements?
Sample Response
In today’s modern world, with the development of technology, we are able to communicate with people around the globe. However, some people assert that this advanced technology will not benefit us, in return, it will cause harmful effects on the way people socialise. Thus, we will examine both sides of the argument before reaching a reasonable conclusion. Undoubtedly, people nowadays get benefited due to the advancement in technology, for example, internet. It allows people to communicate with others more easily and in a convenient manner. In the past days, the way people used to communicate was far more troublesome and time-consuming than that in the present day. That is, people could only write letters or send telegrams to keep in touch with their friends or relatives who live in the other part of the world. Nevertheless, internet which is available these days provides an opportunity for people to stay connected with others through social media like Facebook or email. Not forgetting to mention that, it only takes about a second for delivery and receive by their friends or family. Therefore, it is apparent that internet gives a golden chance to people worldwide to communicate with others which is impossible to achieve during the past decades. On the other hand, there is always another side of a coin. The internet is believed to have detrimental side effects on the ability of people to socialise. To begin, internet at home causes the inhabitants of a city to stay at home whenever they are free. This kind of habit will cause them to lose the interpersonal skill which is crucial and should be mastered by every individual in their lives. They should, for instance, take part in youth or sports activities so that they can meet new friends and develop the socialising skill. If they do not learn how to communicate with others in face-to-face conversations, they are less likely to achieve success in their jobs which require the sophisticated communicating skills. Hence, it is clearly shown that people may eventually lose the ability of socialising if they overuse the internet. In conclusion, the internet brings numerous advantages and disadvantages to our lives. However, I believe that we should spend our time wisely on using the internet as it can be more beneficial provided we do not overuse it and we should learn to socialise face-to-face rather than bury their heads into the screens of electronic gadgets.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove redundant time wording Original: today’s modern world Suggested revision: today's world Why it matters: Today's already conveys modernity, so modern is unnecessary.
- 2. Correct the benefit structure Original: get benefited due to Suggested revision: benefit from Why it matters: Benefit is active here and takes the preposition from.
- 3. Use natural progress wording Original: advancement Suggested revision: advances Why it matters: Advances in technology is the standard phrase for multiple developments.
- 4. Use parallel adverbs Original: more easily and in a convenient manner Suggested revision: more easily and conveniently Why it matters: Parallel adverbs make the manner description concise and grammatical.
- 5. Use the standard time phrase Original: In the past days Suggested revision: In the past Why it matters: In the past is the natural expression for an earlier period.
- 6. Make the subject concise Original: the way people used to communicate Suggested revision: communication Why it matters: Communication expresses the same idea without the wordy relative structure.
- 7. Correct the comparison Original: than that in the present day Suggested revision: than it is today Why it matters: The pronoun and verb complete the comparison clearly.
- 8. Use the indefinite location Original: in the other part of the world Suggested revision: in another part of the world Why it matters: Another is needed because no specific second part of the world has been identified.
- 9. Use a direct subject Original: Nevertheless, internet which is available these days Suggested revision: Today, the internet Why it matters: The revision supplies the definite article and removes the unnecessary relative clause.
- 10. Name communication services accurately Original: social media like Facebook or email Suggested revision: services such as Facebook and email Why it matters: Email is not social media, so services is the accurate shared category.
- 11. Use a formal opportunity phrase Original: internet gives a golden chance to people worldwide Suggested revision: the internet gives people worldwide an excellent opportunity Why it matters: The revision adds the required article and replaces the informal golden chance.
- 12. Use the past-time form Original: which is impossible to achieve during the past decades Suggested revision: which was impossible in previous decades Why it matters: Was matches the completed past period, and in is the correct time preposition.
Suggested Rewrites
- today’s modern world today's world
- get benefited due to benefit from
- advancement advances
- more easily and in a convenient manner more easily and conveniently
- In the past days In the past
- the way people used to communicate communication
Why this response received Band 6.5
The essay addresses both claims by explaining the internet's speed and global reach alongside the risk that overuse weakens face-to-face interaction and interpersonal skills. Its strongest feature is the relevant, balanced development leading to a qualified conclusion that benefits depend on moderation. The main limitation is the absence of paragraphing and frequent awkward grammar and collocation; the priority is to structure the two sides separately and state the nuanced position clearly in the introduction.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both statements are directly developed and the conclusion gives a clear qualified position, though the introduction postpones the writer's judgement.
State from the outset that the internet connects people effectively but can isolate them when overused, then support this precise position throughout.
Coherence and Cohesion
The sequence from global connection to social isolation and conclusion is logical, but the entire 406-word essay forms one paragraph and linking is often mechanical.
Use an introduction, one paragraph for connection benefits, one for isolation risks, and a concise evaluative conclusion.
Lexical Resource
The response has adequate range for technology and social interaction, but frequent unnatural expressions and repeated terms reduce precision.
Replace phrases such as 'get benefited', 'golden chance', 'another side of a coin', and 'socialising skill' with direct academic wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of structures is attempted, but frequent errors in articles, passive forms, agreement, pronouns, and clause boundaries reduce accuracy.
Use accurate forms such as 'people benefit from the internet', 'messages are delivered instantly', and 'rather than burying our heads in screens'.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
The internet allows us to stay connected with each other no matter where we are. On the other hand, it also isolates us and encourages people not to socialise. To what extent do you agree or disagree with these statements?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.