Junk food is quite harmful to our generation and we need an educated generation to stop it. Is education the answer to stop people from eating junk food?
Sample Response
Junk food has been claimed to be a fundamental factor to the escalating obesity epidemic around the world. Some argue that educating the society is an optimal solution to alleviate this worldwide issue. However, it is believed that persuading citizens through education is not likely to outweigh the central temptations that junk foods offer – its low price and convenience. This statement will be analysed in the following paragraphs, supported by relevant examples.
Regardless of how the educational scheme is provided, the low priced meals sold by fast food outlets are not likely to lose its popularity. Most of the members of the low class or unemployed students, for instance, are inevitably attracted to eating cheap fast food due to their financial difficulties. Thus, unless governments subsidise citizens' living expenses or intervene to forcedly raise fast food price, education will have a feeble effect on discouraging people from consuming junk food.
In addition, it should be noted that there is no practical substitution for junk food which can be prepared and sold quickly. This choice of diet perfectly fulfils modern workers' need to save time in the busy contemporary society. For example, even though my colleagues are aware of the negative aspects of junk food, they still eat from KFC since they simply do not have time to prepare a proper meal. This therefore clearly demonstrates that eradicating junk food consumption through education is not a realistic approach, but merely an action of informing people about what they already know.
In conclusion, although one may think that educating individuals can convince people not to eat fast food, its low price and ability to offer a quick meal will continuously motivate them to visit fast food stores.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct noun collocation Original: a fundamental factor to Suggested revision: a major contributor to Why it matters: "Contributor to" is the natural collocation for something that helps cause a problem.
- 2. Remove unnecessary article Original: educating the society Suggested revision: educating society Why it matters: "Society" is used as a general uncountable concept here and needs no article.
- 3. Use natural phrasing Original: an optimal solution to alleviate Suggested revision: an effective way to address Why it matters: A problem is more naturally "addressed," while "alleviate" normally applies to its effects or severity.
- 4. Use correct collocation Original: the educational scheme is provided Suggested revision: education is delivered Why it matters: Education is naturally "delivered," whereas a scheme is usually implemented rather than provided.
- 5. Fix pronoun agreement Original: its Suggested revision: their Why it matters: The plural noun "meals" requires the plural possessive pronoun "their".
- 6. Use neutral precise wording Original: members of the low class Suggested revision: people on low incomes Why it matters: The revision is more neutral and directly identifies the relevant financial condition.
- 7. Use correct adverb Original: forcedly Suggested revision: forcibly Why it matters: "Forcibly" is the standard adverb form modifying "raise".
- 8. Use correct noun Original: substitution Suggested revision: substitute Why it matters: A replacement item is a "substitute," while "substitution" names the act or process.
- 9. Correct preposition Original: from Suggested revision: at Why it matters: The preposition "at" is used for eating at a restaurant or outlet.
- 10. Use correct aspect Original: will continuously motivate Suggested revision: will continue to motivate Why it matters: "Continue to" expresses an ongoing future influence more naturally than "continuously".
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: However, it is believed that persuading citizens through education is not likely to outweigh the central temptations that junk foods offer – its low price and convenience. Suggested revision: However, education is unlikely to outweigh junk food's principal attractions: its low price and convenience. Why it matters: The rewrite removes the vague passive structure and fixes the number mismatch between "junk foods" and "its".
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: This therefore clearly demonstrates that eradicating junk food consumption through education is not a realistic approach, but merely an action of informing people about what they already know. Suggested revision: This demonstrates that using education to eradicate junk-food consumption is unrealistic because it merely tells people what they already know. Why it matters: The rewrite removes redundant linking adverbs and corrects the awkward contrast after "but".
Suggested Rewrites
- a fundamental factor to a major contributor to
- educating the society educating society
- an optimal solution to alleviate an effective way to address
- the educational scheme is provided education is delivered
- its their
- members of the low class people on low incomes
Why this response received Band 8.0
The essay answers the question directly and develops a coherent position that education alone cannot overcome junk food’s low price and convenience, supporting both barriers with relevant social and workplace examples. Its strongest aspect is the tight alignment between the thesis, two body paragraphs, and conclusion. The main limitation is occasional awkward or insensitive wording and limited consideration of education’s possible contribution; prioritise acknowledging its supporting role before explaining why economic and practical measures are also necessary.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is sustained and the two central barriers are well explained and exemplified, though the possible partial value of education is not explored.
Concede that education can improve awareness, then show why subsidies, healthier convenience foods, pricing, or access measures are needed to change behaviour.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is strongly organised around price and convenience, with each paragraph advancing one reason and the conclusion synthesising both efficiently.
Make the transition between the two barriers more analytical by signalling that convenience remains influential even when consumers understand the health risks.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and mostly precise across obesity, persuasion, subsidies, convenience, consumption, and financial constraints, but several choices are unnatural.
Use educate the public, low-income people, low-cost meals, compel outlets to raise prices, limited effect, healthier alternative, and buy food from KFC.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are generally controlled and meaning is consistently clear, with occasional agreement, article, adverb, and reference errors.
Correct forms such as a fundamental factor in, educating society, the temptations junk food offers—its low price, meals are unlikely to lose their popularity, and forcibly.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Junk food is quite harmful to our generation and we need an educated generation to stop it. Is education the answer to stop people from eating junk food?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.