The internet allows us to stay connected with each other no matter where we are. On the other hand, it also isolates us and encourages people not to socialise. To what extent do you agree or disagree with these statements?
Sample Response
Today, developments in the cyberspacecyber-space have revolutionised the way people communicatethe way people to communicate. Although it has created better communication options for userscontact options to the users, they have less active relationships than in the pastless active relationships than the past, and I believe that this has caused people to become more isolated. On the one hand, citizens are able to communicate better through the web in more varieddifferent ways. The first is the expansion of social networks. Facebook, Twitter, and emailFacebook, twitter or email are three familiar examples that have enabled people of all ages to communicateled all age groups to be able to communicate via their electronic devices. They can see their friends’ pictures, opinions, or even updatesfriends’ pictures, opinions or even their news shared on their page. In addition, trading has become more straightforward. Businesspersons can easily contact their partnerscontact to their partners through the Internet via teleconference or Skype; however, in the past, tradingin the past trading was not as simple as now, and traders had to traveltraders only had to travel and meet their partners. As a result, electronic communication between the businesses has caused people to feel socially closer to each othersocially feel closer with each other. On the other hand, innovations in telecommunication have caused people to become more socially isolatedhave caused humans to become more isolated socially. One reason is that they are used to having fewer face-to-face relationshipsare used to have less face-to-face relationships. Had the Internet not developed so fast, people would have participated in more social gatherings. For example, twenty years ago, as a high school student, I and others peers were encouraged by our authorities to participate in weekly meetings to discuss educational, social or even personal issues, becoming more socially active, but now many students are interested less. Another reason is that cyber-addiction is a leading reason forthat citizens to feel less contentelated. Clearly, the more technology of smartphones develops, the more individuals will be engaged with a wider variety of applicationsengaged in more variety of applications and become more dependent on them. Therefore, they will spend less time on travelling, spending their time with their friends, becoming more secluded and desperate. In conclusion, modernization has had some positive effects on human relationshipspositive influences on humans’ relations. However, I personally believe that it has caused people to become less socially activesocially become less active due to spending longer hours on their computers and havinghave less directclose communication with each other than before.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response addresses both greater connectivity and increased isolation, and its strongest feature is the clear comparison between online communication and reduced face-to-face participation. Its main limitation is that the whole essay forms one paragraph and frequent grammatical and collocational errors make several examples hard to follow; the priority is to separate the two sides structurally and express the causal links in simpler, more accurate sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both statements are addressed with a clear overall position and relevant examples of communication, business contact, social gatherings, and technology dependence.
Explain more precisely why online contact fails to replace close relationships and avoid unsupported claims that isolation necessarily produces desperation.
Coherence and Cohesion
The on-the-one-hand and on-the-other-hand progression is recognisable, but the single paragraph and crowded examples weaken organisation and flow.
Divide the response into an introduction, connectivity paragraph, isolation paragraph, and conclusion with clear topic sentences.
Lexical Resource
There is adequate range for technology and social interaction, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word forms reduce precision.
Use natural phrases such as ways to communicate, contact business partners, face-to-face interaction, less interested, smartphone technology, and socially isolated.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex forms are attempted regularly, but verb patterns, comparison structures, agreement, and clause construction are frequently inaccurate.
Simplify long sentences and check infinitives, comparative forms, and parallel verbs before adding subordinate clauses.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
The internet allows us to stay connected with each other no matter where we are. On the other hand, it also isolates us and encourages people not to socialise. To what extent do you agree or disagree with these statements?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.