Some people think that the public health of a country can be improved if the government make laws regarding nutritious food but others think that it is a matter of personal choice and personal responsibility. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
The importance of good nutrition and healthy eating habits is widely recognized. However, there is a debate about whether the government should make laws regarding nutritious food or if it is a personal choice and responsibility. In this essay, both views will be discussed. In my opinion, however, a combined approach can bring favourable results.
On the one hand, some people believe that the government should make laws regarding nutritious food intake to improve the public health of a country. They argue that laws can help to regulate the food industry, ensuring that food products are nutritious, safe, and accurately labelled. For instance, the government can require food manufacturers to reduce the use of unhealthy ingredients such as high fructose corn syrup, trans fats, and sodium. Furthermore, food companies can be required to provide nutritional information on their products and limit the portion sizes of unhealthy food products.
On the other hand, others argue that it is a matter of personal choice and responsibility. They believe that people should be free to choose what they want to eat and that it is their responsibility to make healthy food choices. For example, people should be educated about the importance of nutrition and healthy eating habits so they can make informed choices about what they eat. Furthermore, individuals should be responsible for their own health and should take necessary actions to improve their diet and lifestyle choices.
In my opinion, a combination of both approaches is necessary. The government can make laws and regulations to ensure that people have access to nutritious and safe food, but ultimately, it is up to individuals to take responsibility for their own health. The government can provide education and information about nutrition, but individuals should have the freedom to choose what they want to eat.
In conclusion, the public health of a country can be improved through laws regarding nutritious food and personal responsibility. While the government can make laws and regulations to improve the availability of nutritious food, individuals should take responsibility for their own health and make informed choices about their diet and lifestyle.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Improve parallel structure Original: if Suggested revision: whether Why it matters: Repeating whether creates a more balanced paired construction.
- 2. Remove redundant contrast Original: In my opinion, however, Suggested revision: In my opinion, Why it matters: However repeats the contrast already established in the preceding sentence.
- 3. Clarify the policy focus Original: laws regarding nutritious food intake Suggested revision: laws regulating the nutritional quality of food Why it matters: The revision aligns the wording with the subsequent focus on food-industry regulation.
- 4. Use concise verb form Original: laws can help to regulate Suggested revision: laws can help regulate Why it matters: The bare infinitive after help is more concise while preserving the meaning.
- 5. Reduce wordiness Original: the portion sizes of unhealthy food products Suggested revision: the portions of unhealthy foods Why it matters: The shorter phrase conveys the same meaning more directly.
- 6. Avoid repeated contrast Original: On the other hand, others argue Suggested revision: By contrast, others argue Why it matters: Using both other hand and others creates avoidable repetition at the transition.
- 7. Use natural collocation Original: take necessary actions Suggested revision: take the necessary steps Why it matters: Take the necessary steps is the more natural collocation for practical action.
- 8. Remove awkward wording Original: their diet and lifestyle choices Suggested revision: their diet and lifestyle Why it matters: Lifestyle choices is awkward after improve because the intended objects are diet and lifestyle themselves.
- 9. Avoid redundancy Original: a combination of both approaches Suggested revision: a combination of the two approaches Why it matters: A combination already implies both elements, so the two is more precise here.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: In this essay, both views will be discussed. Suggested revision: This essay discusses both views. Why it matters: The active construction is more direct and concise while preserving the signposting function.
Suggested Rewrites
- if whether
- In my opinion, however, In my opinion,
- laws regarding nutritious food intake laws regulating the nutritional quality of food
- laws can help to regulate laws can help regulate
- the portion sizes of unhealthy food products the portions of unhealthy foods
- On the other hand, others argue By contrast, others argue
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response fully addresses both perspectives, sustains a clear combined position, and uses relevant examples to explain how regulation and individual responsibility can work together. Its main limitation is some repetition of the same ideas and vocabulary across the opinion and conclusion. The highest-priority improvement is to deepen the evaluation by explaining more precisely where government intervention should end and personal responsibility should begin.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are directly discussed, the position is clear throughout, and the main ideas are well developed with relevant policy and personal examples.
Refine the argument by defining the appropriate limits of regulation and showing how these limits support the combined position.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is logically organized into well-focused paragraphs, and cohesive devices guide the reader smoothly through the discussion.
Reduce overlap between the opinion paragraph and conclusion so that each paragraph makes a distinct contribution to progression.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is flexible, precise, and appropriately academic, with only occasional repetition and slightly awkward phrasing.
Vary repeated references to nutritious food and personal responsibility while preserving the response's clear, natural register.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of sentence structures is used accurately and confidently, with only minor lapses that do not affect communication.
Polish small article and collocation choices in phrases about laws and necessary actions to improve grammatical naturalness further.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that the public health of a country can be improved if the government make laws regarding nutritious food but others think that it is a matter of personal choice and personal responsibility. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.