Modern lifestyles mean that many parents have little time for their children. Many children suffer because they don’t get as much attention from their parents as children did in the past. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
In the contemporary world, majority guardian finds difficulty to spend time with their offspring. It is believed that children have to face such a phase of life as they don’t get much attention from the parents as compared to past days. I believe this could be a negative development in this modern world. Firstly this essay shall discuss the importance of the bond between parents and a child, secondly, it will argue that how consequences of less attention from parents create an opportunity for children to break the tranquility of the society.
The bond between the guardian and teenage plays an integral role in our community for creating a precious and healthy environment. In today’s digital era parents are extremely busy with their domestic chores and hectic office work. Most all parents are working in this money-greed world where children fail to get attraction because parents feel they will have a better approach towards kids in the later stage of life. In the past one of the main characters used to take responsibility for the chill and try to rise in a better way, which lacks in today’s contemporary world. For example, the current generation is less emotionally attached to family members than the past generation. Thus, the attention of the guardian towards their offspring is indispensable.
Children are very venerable characters of society as they need to pamper and attention otherwise they can be the one who can easily drag away from the real world to a false imaginary world. The result of this development might be unavoidable as a child can be the one who gets addicted to the wrong activities and drugs. In addition, the birth of violation and illegal acts would start to take place if parents failed to provide importance to the child. For instance, many American children are detected to perform wrong acts, which is a very alarming sign for the whole nation as they are the ones who can be the next to lead the nation. Therefore, attention and importance should be taken by parents otherwise consequence of the act can be dangerous to the whole world.
To conclude, parents are the one can play a vital role in child’s life and they have to give their children well-sounded education and attention to rise properly.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix agreement Original: majority guardian finds Suggested revision: the majority of guardians find Why it matters: The noun phrase needs an article, a plural noun, and a plural verb.
- 2. Use correct pattern Original: difficulty to spend Suggested revision: it difficult to spend Why it matters: The standard structure is find it difficult to do something.
- 3. Natural comparison Original: as compared to past days Suggested revision: compared with the past Why it matters: This is the natural phrase for comparing current and earlier parenting.
- 4. Use concise signpost Original: Firstly Suggested revision: First, Why it matters: First is the more concise sequencing marker here.
- 5. Link paired points Original: secondly, Suggested revision: and second, Why it matters: The second item should be linked grammatically to the first item in the same sentence.
- 6. Remove faulty structure Original: argue that how Suggested revision: explain how Why it matters: Explain how forms a grammatical indirect-question clause.
- 7. Choose precise wording Original: tranquility of the society Suggested revision: stability of society Why it matters: Stability expresses the intended social effect more naturally than tranquility.
- 8. Name people accurately Original: guardian and teenage Suggested revision: guardians and teenagers Why it matters: Teenage is an adjective, while teenagers correctly names the people involved.
- 9. Fix preposition Original: for Suggested revision: in Why it matters: Play a role takes in before a gerund.
- 10. Fix quantifier Original: Most all parents Suggested revision: Most parents Why it matters: Most directly modifies a plural noun without all in this structure.
- 11. Correct collocation Original: get attraction Suggested revision: receive attention Why it matters: Children receive attention rather than get attraction in this context.
- 12. Clarify consequence Original: The result of this development might be unavoidable Suggested revision: The consequences of this development may be serious Why it matters: Unavoidable describes whether something can be prevented, not how harmful it is.
Suggested Rewrites
- majority guardian finds the majority of guardians find
- difficulty to spend it difficult to spend
- as compared to past days compared with the past
- Firstly First,
- secondly, and second,
- argue that how explain how
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response maintains a clear view that reduced parental attention harms children and offers two relevant lines of argument about family bonds and social consequences. Its main weakness is that support remains generalized or speculative, while frequent awkward wording and grammatical errors sometimes blur the reasoning. The highest priority is to develop each claim through a precise causal explanation and a credible specific example, using simpler, accurately controlled sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is clear and both body paragraphs address harms caused by limited parental attention, but ideas are generalized and examples are weak or speculative.
Develop each main point through a specific cause-and-effect chain and support it with a credible, clearly explained example.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure and broad progression are clear, though formulaic signposting, repetition, and overloaded sentences weaken cohesion.
Give each paragraph one sharply defined controlling idea and connect shorter sentences with precise, natural transitions.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts varied topic vocabulary, but frequent miscollocations and inaccurate word choices repeatedly reduce precision.
Prefer familiar, accurate expressions for family relationships and social consequences, and check each collocation in context.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mixture of simple and complex forms is attempted, but errors in agreement, articles, clause structure, and sentence boundaries recur throughout.
Build accuracy with shorter complete sentences, then check subject-verb agreement, articles, and pronoun reference systematically.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Modern lifestyles mean that many parents have little time for their children. Many children suffer because they don’t get as much attention from their parents as children did in the past. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.