Modern lifestyles mean that many parents have little time for their children. Many children suffer because they don’t get as much attention from their parents as children did in the past. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
It is a well-known factIt is well-known fact that the level of depression and anti-social behavior in kids has increased dramatically in modern societies. New lifestyles mean that more caretakers have little time for their children. Many childrenMuch kinder suffer because they do not getowing to they don’t get as much attention from their parents as children did in the pastyesteryears. This essay fully agreesThe essay will articulate its full agreement and will outline reasons for this standpoint.
There are many reasons that substantiatereasons which I would consider to substantiate my view. The primary is that today’s life is full of hurry and worry. Every person busy in earn money due to they have no time for their family. People spend little timedon’t spend a little time with their own kids due to their hectic schedulesthe hectic schedule. Incite an example of, if person who doesn’t spend time with their children along with they feel alone as they don’t care properly about their health without helping parents. Many effects like if parents don’t spend time with their kids due to they play games every time as they don’t complete their homework. Sometimes children fall in with bad companymake a bad company of friends. Then, their future may be harmedfuture is spoiled by choosing the wrong things.
Moreover, everything todaytoday’s everything is very different from the pastvery different as compared to past days. Every person busy in their own life. In the past, parents spent a great deal of timeIn past days parents spent plethora time with their kids as they took proper care ofdid take care properly about their children. FurthermoreSecondly, these days caretakers don’t spend time with their kids so their children receive less attentiondue to they don’t get more attention from their parents. In past days parents were more concerned about their children than they are todaymore worried about their kids as compared to these days.
When all is said and done, parents should worryparents should be worry about their children as they should spend time with their kids. Children are nation builders and every nation depends on them.
Why this response received Band 5.0
The response states clear agreement and presents relevant concerns about busy parents and harmful effects on children, supported by a basic paragraph structure. However, the discussion becomes repetitive and only partly developed, while frequent grammatical and word-choice errors make several sentences hard to understand. The main priority is to build each paragraph around one distinct, well-explained reason or consequence using shorter, accurately formed sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is given and relevant reasons and effects are mentioned, but development is limited and much of the comparison is repetitive.
Explain two distinct ways reduced parental attention harms children, supporting each with a clear cause-and-effect example.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing provides a basic overall sequence, but repetition and unclear sentence connections weaken progression within the argument.
Give each body paragraph one separate purpose and use accurate referencing so every consequence follows clearly from its cause.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is adequate for the topic, but frequent inappropriate choices and collocations make expression imprecise and sometimes confusing.
Use familiar words accurately and learn natural phrases such as spend time with children, earn money, and fall into bad company.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Frequent errors in sentence formation, verb phrases, articles, and subordinate clauses often impede clarity despite some attempts at complex structures.
Practise complete sentences with clear subjects and finite verbs, then add one correctly formed reason or result clause at a time.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Modern lifestyles mean that many parents have little time for their children. Many children suffer because they don’t get as much attention from their parents as children did in the past. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.