Classmates are a more important influence than parents on a child’s success in school.
Sample Response
I can not completely agree with the statement that classmates are a more important influence than parents on a child's success in school. In this essay, I will first focus on the reasons why I agree with this statement and then list a few points why from my opinion in some cases is not true. From the one side, classmates have a significant influence on child's behaviour and his or her success in school. First of all, children spend much time at school. Classmates have many things in common such as age, interests, homework and classes after all. So, they discuss their impressions about a new teacher, solve problems together, learn their homework, gain new knowledge and experience and even make their own discoveries. Sharing all these makes them closer. Some of them become friends and they spend after-school time together. In addition, friends tend to copy each other's habits and manners. For instance, my little sister became friends with the girl who did not have good grades at school at that time. It does not mean she could not have better grades; she just had many friends who did not care about their grades. So, when they started to spend their time together and share their interests, girl's grades improved. They did their homework together, shared their dreams and exciting moments. From this point, I must agree that classmates can change child’s attitude towards school. From the other side, parents have a great influence on children' success in school too. For example, if parents show an interest in their child's progress and talk to him or her about the importance of learning I think their child will listen to them and do his or her best. Personally, I believe that relationships between parents and a child play an essential role in child's success in school. If these relationships are close and wholehearted I am sure that parents should not be afraid of bad influence from the outside.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use direct disagreement Original: can Suggested revision: do Why it matters: The revised verb phrase expresses the writer's qualified disagreement directly rather than suggesting an inability to agree.
- 2. Use correct linker Original: From the one side Suggested revision: On the one hand Why it matters: 'On the one hand' is the standard linker for the first side of a contrast.
- 3. Add missing article Original: influence on child's behaviour Suggested revision: influence on a child's behaviour Why it matters: The singular countable noun 'child' needs an article.
- 4. Improve quantity phrase Original: children spend much time at school Suggested revision: children spend a great deal of time at school Why it matters: 'A great deal of time' is a more natural collocation in formal writing.
- 5. Remove illogical phrase Original: homework and classes after all Suggested revision: homework and classes Why it matters: 'After all' signals a justification and has no clear function within this list.
- 6. Correct homework collocation Original: learn Suggested revision: do Why it matters: English uses 'do homework', not 'learn homework'.
- 7. Complete demonstrative phrase Original: Sharing all these Suggested revision: Sharing all of these experiences Why it matters: 'These' requires an explicit plural noun here to identify what is being shared.
- 8. Use natural word order Original: spend after-school time together Suggested revision: spend time together after school Why it matters: The revised word order is more idiomatic and preserves the intended meaning.
- 9. Use indefinite article Original: the Suggested revision: a Why it matters: The girl is introduced for the first time, so the indefinite article is appropriate.
- 10. Add definite article Original: girl's grades improved Suggested revision: the girl's grades improved Why it matters: The noun refers to the specific girl already introduced and therefore needs 'the'.
- 11. Add missing article Original: change child’s attitude Suggested revision: change a child’s attitude Why it matters: The singular countable noun 'child' needs an article.
- 12. Use contrasting linker Original: From the other side Suggested revision: On the other hand Why it matters: This is the standard phrase for introducing the second side of an argument.
Suggested Rewrites
- can do
- From the one side On the one hand
- influence on child's behaviour influence on a child's behaviour
- children spend much time at school children spend a great deal of time at school
- homework and classes after all homework and classes
- learn do
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response maintains a clear, nuanced position and uses a detailed personal example to show how classmates can shape attitudes to school. Its main limitation is that the comparison with parental influence is less fully developed, while the single-block structure and recurring grammatical slips weaken polish. The highest priority is to organize the two sides into distinct paragraphs and deepen the explanation of why parental influence may outweigh peer influence.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response directly considers both classmates and parents, maintains a clear qualified position, and supports the peer-influence argument with a relevant example.
Develop the parental side with the same depth and explicitly compare why its influence may be more decisive for school success.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through the two influences, although the single-block presentation and formulaic transitions make the organization less effective.
Divide the response into clear introduction, peer-influence, parent-influence, and conclusion paragraphs, using transitions only where relationships need marking.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is adequate for discussing relationships and educational influence, but repetition and several unnatural expressions limit precision.
Replace repeated general terms with precise alternatives and revise collocations such as do homework, influence a child's attitude, and outside influence.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates the ideas clearly, though errors with articles, possessives, prepositions, and punctuation recur.
Proofread noun phrases and complex clauses, especially possessive forms, missing articles, and commas around dependent clauses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Classmates are a more important influence than parents on a child’s success in school.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.