The government should spend more money on medical research to protect citizen’s health rather than on protecting the environment. Do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Some people think that the government should allocate more financial resources to medical research instead of environmental protection. I entirely disagree with this statement.
Both medical research activities and environmental protection are equally critical to human well-being. Throughout history, we have had to cope with countless consequences of environmental damage, some of which even threatened the survival of whole communities. We have also been struggling to combat diseases that could cripple the medical systems of entire countries. The peril that people face from those threats cannot be compared with one another by any measures; if they were to be addressed, tremendous government funding would be needed.
Furthermore, preserving the environment is a necessary part of protecting human health. It is true that funding medical research activities is the best way to cure the many serious diseases that are now causing so many problems all over the world, such as Covid-19. However, it is flawed to use this reason to downplay the significance of environmental protection and the need for government funding. In reality, we are facing many other severe health crises that arise from environmental pollution. For example, high levels of air and water contamination are leading to the increased number of cancer cases and deaths. Extreme weather conditions caused by global warming are also among the greatest drivers behind the deterioration of public health.
In conclusion, although medical research is certainly important and should be properly funded, I disagree that it should receive more money from the government than environmental protection.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove redundant noun Original: Both medical research activities Suggested revision: Both medical research Why it matters: The word 'activities' is unnecessary because 'medical research' already names the field.
- 2. Use natural collocation Original: cope with countless consequences Suggested revision: deal with the many consequences Why it matters: This phrasing is more natural when referring to the effects of environmental damage.
- 3. Maintain present perfect Original: some of which even threatened Suggested revision: some of which have even threatened Why it matters: The present perfect is needed to match the continuing time frame introduced by 'Throughout history'.
- 4. Use precise term Original: medical Suggested revision: healthcare Why it matters: 'Healthcare systems' is the conventional term for national arrangements for treating illness.
- 5. Clarify the comparison Original: The peril that people face from those threats Suggested revision: The dangers posed by these threats Why it matters: The plural noun makes clear that two different threats are being compared.
- 6. Use singular idiom Original: measures Suggested revision: measure Why it matters: The fixed expression is 'by any measure' when meaning according to any standard.
- 7. Clarify the reference Original: they Suggested revision: both Why it matters: 'Both' clearly refers back to environmental damage and disease.
- 8. Remove redundancy Original: funding medical research activities Suggested revision: funding medical research Why it matters: 'Medical research' is sufficient without the generic word 'activities'.
- 9. Remove unnecessary article Original: the many serious diseases Suggested revision: many serious diseases Why it matters: No definite article is needed because the sentence refers to serious diseases in general.
- 10. Choose precise noun Original: reason Suggested revision: argument Why it matters: 'Argument' more accurately describes the claim being used to justify a funding priority.
- 11. Express ongoing change Original: the increased number Suggested revision: an increasing number Why it matters: 'An increasing number' correctly describes a count that is continuing to rise.
- 12. Use concise collocation Original: behind Suggested revision: of Why it matters: 'Drivers of' is the more direct collocation for factors causing a decline in public health.
Suggested Rewrites
- Both medical research activities Both medical research
- cope with countless consequences deal with the many consequences
- some of which even threatened some of which have even threatened
- medical healthcare
- The peril that people face from those threats The dangers posed by these threats
- measures measure
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response takes a clear position and develops a persuasive connection between environmental protection and public health, supported by relevant examples and consistently strong language control. Its main limitation is that the first body paragraph remains comparatively general and includes an awkward claim about comparing threats. The highest-priority improvement is to support that equality argument with a more concrete explanation or example.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is clear throughout, and the argument directly addresses the proposed funding priority with relevant, well-developed support.
Strengthen the first main idea with a specific illustration showing why neither area should receive automatic priority.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically across well-focused paragraphs, with cohesive devices used smoothly and without distracting repetition.
Make the transition within the first body paragraph more explicit so its two types of threat form one fully unified argument.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise vocabulary supports nuanced discussion, with only occasional awkward collocations such as comparing threats 'by any measures'.
Refine the few unnatural collocations by choosing idiomatic forms such as 'by any measure' and 'an increased number of cases'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A broad range of complex structures is handled accurately, and minor errors do not affect clarity.
Proofread article and number choices in dense noun phrases to make the already strong grammatical control more consistent.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
The government should spend more money on medical research to protect citizen’s health rather than on protecting the environment. Do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.