Some people believe that it is important for young children to go to school as soon as possible. Others, however, believe that children should be allowed to stay at home and play until they are six or seven years old. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
The question of when young children should begin formal schooling is a subject of debate among parents and educators. Some argue that early enrollment in school is crucial for a child's cognitive and social development, while others advocate for a more play-based approach during the early years. This essay will discuss both perspectives and provide arguments to support the view that they should not start school until they are six or seven.
Those in favour of early school enrollment argue that it provides children with a structured learning environment and promotes essential skills at an early age. For instance, early exposure to formal education can help children develop their cognitive abilities, such as reading, writing, and numeracy skills. Moreover, schools often provide specialized resources and trained teachers who can facilitate the learning process. Research has shown that children who start school early have a head start in acquiring fundamental knowledge and skills, setting them on a path towards future academic success.
On the other hand, proponents of delayed school enrollment argue that allowing children to stay at home and play until the age of six or seven fosters their social, emotional, and physical development. During these early years, children engage in spontaneous play, which encourages creativity, problem-solving, and social interaction. Play-based learning environments, such as quality preschool programs, provide opportunities for children to explore, experiment, and develop crucial social skills, such as cooperation and empathy. By giving children more time for unstructured play, they are better prepared to cope with the demands of formal schooling later on.
In my opinion, allowing children to stay at home and play until they are six or seven years old before starting formal schooling is a beneficial approach. This period of early childhood is crucial for the development of social, emotional, and physical skills that form the foundation for future learning. I believe that delayed school enrollment provides children with the opportunity to explore their interests, develop creativity, and build strong interpersonal relationships.
In conclusion, while some argue for early school enrollment to foster cognitive development, others advocate for delayed enrollment to prioritize social and emotional growth through play-based learning. Considering the benefits of delayed school enrollment in terms of holistic development, I support the idea that children should be allowed to stay at home and play until they are six or seven years old before embarking on formal education.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Clarify pronoun reference Original: they Suggested revision: children Why it matters: Naming the subject removes any possible ambiguity about 'they'.
- 2. Use precise development verb Original: promotes Suggested revision: develops Why it matters: Skills are more naturally described as being developed than promoted.
- 3. Align category and examples Original: their cognitive abilities, such as reading, writing, and numeracy skills Suggested revision: foundational skills such as reading, writing, and numeracy Why it matters: The examples are skills rather than cognitive abilities, so the revised category is more accurate.
- 4. Use formal advantage phrase Original: have a head start in acquiring Suggested revision: gain an early advantage in acquiring Why it matters: This conveys the same benefit in a more formal register.
- 5. Remove redundant time word Original: towards future academic success Suggested revision: towards academic success Why it matters: Academic success is already presented as a later outcome, making 'future' unnecessary.
- 6. Reduce redundancy Original: This period of early childhood Suggested revision: This stage of childhood Why it matters: The original phrase repeats the temporal idea in both 'period' and 'early childhood'.
- 7. Use concise construction Original: provides children with the opportunity Suggested revision: gives children opportunities Why it matters: The revision is more direct and suits the multiple activities that follow.
- 8. Add possessive determiner Original: develop creativity Suggested revision: develop their creativity Why it matters: The possessive makes clear that the creativity belongs to the children.
- 9. Use direct debate phrase Original: a subject of debate among parents and educators Suggested revision: widely debated among parents and educators Why it matters: The direct verb phrase expresses the same idea more concisely.
- 10. Remove unnecessary comparison Original: a more play-based approach Suggested revision: a play-based approach Why it matters: No explicit degree of comparison is established, so 'more' is unnecessary.
- 11. Use concise reporting verb Original: provide arguments to support Suggested revision: explain Why it matters: The direct verb states the essay's purpose without unnecessary nominal wording.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: By giving children more time for unstructured play, they are better prepared to cope with the demands of formal schooling later on. Suggested revision: With more time for unstructured play, children are better prepared to cope with the demands of formal schooling later on. Why it matters: The rewrite removes the dangling modifier while preserving the stated relationship.
Suggested Rewrites
- they children
- promotes develops
- their cognitive abilities, such as reading, writing, and numeracy skills foundational skills such as reading, writing, and numeracy
- have a head start in acquiring gain an early advantage in acquiring
- towards future academic success towards academic success
- This period of early childhood This stage of childhood
Why this response received Band 8.5
The essay fully addresses both views and maintains a clear preference for delayed formal schooling, with well-developed explanations of cognitive learning and play-based development. Its strongest feature is the smooth, precise progression of ideas; the main limitation is minor repetition and reliance on general research claims. The highest-priority improvement is to add one concrete example or study while condensing repeated support for the preferred view.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both perspectives are explored in depth, and the writer's consistent preference for delayed schooling is clearly justified through relevant developmental considerations.
Strengthen the already well-developed case with one specific illustration or clearly identified research finding rather than a general reference to research.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas are sequenced into focused paragraphs with highly clear progression, and cohesive devices and referencing are managed smoothly throughout.
Reduce slight repetition between the opinion paragraph and conclusion while preserving the essay's transparent structure.
Lexical Resource
The essay uses a wide, precise, and natural range of educational and developmental vocabulary with strong collocational control.
Vary recurring terms such as 'development' and 'school enrollment' selectively to make the final paragraphs even more concise.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A broad range of complex sentence structures is used flexibly and accurately, with only rare minor lapses.
Maintain this strong control while trimming a few long sentences so their central claims are even more direct.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people believe that it is important for young children to go to school as soon as possible. Others, however, believe that children should be allowed to stay at home and play until they are six or seven years old. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.