Classmates are a more important influence than parents on a child’s success in school.
Sample Response
Some people think that school friends have a greater influence ongive more influence to a child’s success than parents. Although friendshipsthe existence of friends has asome positive effect, I personally believe that parents have a more significant effect ongive more significant effect to the child’s success. It is undeniable that classmates play a significant role in a child'schild success, as friends could help each other. One of the examples is when a child does not understand a lesson, he could ask fora help from his friends. When a child takes part in a sports competitionAnd then, when a child joins a sports competition, his friends might support him and encourage himgive him encouragement. Despite all the positive aspectssides, they could also bring negativenegatives things as well. For instance, one of the classmates might be addicted to drugs, and he could influence the others to use it. Many people believe that parents makehave more significant contributions to a child’s academic successstudy than classmates. Even though they might not give technical advice to the child,Even though they might not be giving technical advice to the child, but they give moral support. For example, a child might have some difficulties with his exam and has to study until late at night, his parents might give some motivational words that inspire him, and also stay awake to accompany the child. Parents will also provideAnd then, parents will also provide the funds needed to supportall funds needed for the improvement of the child’s academic study. For instance, a child might have some problems with mathematics, and the parents might hire a private tutor for their child. In conclusion, I do agree that school friends have some positive effect on a child’s academic performance, but I do not agree if people think that classmates give more important influence than parents. I believe that parents play a more vital roleplay more vital roles in a child’s success, as they give moral and financial support.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response presents a clear position and supports it with relevant contrasts between classmates' influence and parents' moral and financial help. The main limitation is that some supporting points are only partly tied to success in school, while the single-paragraph structure and recurring language errors reduce polish. The highest priority is to organise the two sides into separate paragraphs and develop each example's direct effect on academic achievement.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear and consistent position is developed with relevant support for both classmates and parents, though a few examples are only indirectly connected to school success.
Explain how every example changes academic performance, especially the sports and drug-related points about classmates.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a logical sequence and uses clear referencing, but the lack of paragraphing and repeated mechanical links such as And then limit cohesion.
Use separate paragraphs for classmates and parents, with subtler transitions that show contrast and addition.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is sufficient for the topic and conveys the argument clearly, but recurring collocation and word-form errors reduce precision.
Replace combinations such as give more influence, ask a help, and negatives things with natural academic phrasing.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Simple and complex forms are mixed with generally clear meaning, although article, agreement, clause-linking, and comma-splice errors recur.
Avoid pairing Even though with but, and divide long comma-linked clauses into accurately punctuated sentences.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Classmates are a more important influence than parents on a child’s success in school.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.