In some parts of the world, it is becoming increasingly popular to try to find out the history of someone’s family. Why do you think people do this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?
Sample Response
I definitely agree that finding the origin of a family is truly crucial in terms of several reasons. Furthermore, I will elaborate the reasons through this essay.
The first reason is that people tend to clarify and identify the origin of their family to detect the characteristics of every member psychologically and biologically. In psychological view, we are claimed to have a similar character with other family members as well as a similar behaviour on how we face the problems. Moreover, biologically, it is clear that we get the character genetically from parents, then by observing and identifying this biological feature we are able to understand why we possess a certain character and how to change the character in future for the next offspring.
The second reason is that we face many criminal cases nowadays in terms of adopting children which give unclear identity for those children in the future when they are registered in migration office as well as when they are sent to the school. This condition gets some people to identify the history of the family to avoid the constraints in administration process in every place where they are. For example, they absolutely need the data of parent birth date as well as their valid address in making a family card. They then try to find out some information from people around them.
On the other hand, there are some people who believe that this action is merely a waste the time. There is no advantage to think more about the past or the history of a family. However, every person has his/her own pride to identify the characteristics of family members. We cannot deny that they are all memorable to be memorised forever. The most important thing is that we must respect the way people love their family.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. State importance directly Original: truly crucial in terms of several reasons Suggested revision: important for several reasons Why it matters: The original phrase combines redundant emphasis with an awkward preposition.
- 2. Use natural essay phrase Original: elaborate the reasons through this essay Suggested revision: explain these reasons in this essay Why it matters: Explain reasons in is the natural verb and preposition combination.
- 3. Use concise research verb Original: clarify and identify the origin Suggested revision: investigate the origins Why it matters: Investigate captures the process without duplicating clarify and identify.
- 4. Use understanding verb Original: detect Suggested revision: understand Why it matters: Characteristics are understood or identified rather than detected in this context.
- 5. Correct perspective phrase Original: In psychological view Suggested revision: From a psychological perspective Why it matters: The phrase requires a preposition and an article.
- 6. Use cautious active claim Original: we are claimed to have Suggested revision: people may have Why it matters: The passive construction is unnatural and lacks a source.
- 7. Correct similarity preposition Original: with Suggested revision: to Why it matters: Similar takes to when comparing characteristics.
- 8. Clarify response pattern Original: behaviour on how we face the problems Suggested revision: way of responding to problems Why it matters: The original collocation is unnatural and unnecessarily wordy.
- 9. Use inheritance phrase Original: get the character genetically from parents Suggested revision: inherit characteristics from our parents Why it matters: Inherit is the precise verb for genetic transmission.
- 10. Clarify future change Original: change the character in future Suggested revision: change these characteristics in the future Why it matters: The plural reference and time phrase are clearer.
- 11. Use generation term Original: the next offspring Suggested revision: future generations Why it matters: Offspring does not take next in this intended meaning.
- 12. Name adoption context Original: in terms of adopting children Suggested revision: involving adopted children Why it matters: The original phrase incorrectly suggests the cases concern the act of adopting.
Suggested Rewrites
- truly crucial in terms of several reasons important for several reasons
- elaborate the reasons through this essay explain these reasons in this essay
- clarify and identify the origin investigate the origins
- detect understand
- In psychological view From a psychological perspective
- we are claimed to have people may have
Why this response received Band 6.0
The essay’s strongest feature is its attempt to explain family-history research through inherited characteristics and identity or administrative needs. Its main limitation is an uncertain evaluation of whether the trend is positive or negative, with the final paragraph implying approval instead of stating and developing a clear judgement. Make that position explicit from the introduction, support it with a focused reason, and revise frequent awkward word choices and sentence structures.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response offers two relevant reasons and implies a positive view, but the evaluative part of the task is insufficiently explicit and developed.
State clearly whether the development is positive or negative and devote a paragraph to explaining that judgement.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing and basic sequencing make the main stages identifiable, although progression weakens when the final paragraph shifts abruptly to an opposing view.
Use the final body paragraph to evaluate the trend consistently, then add a concise conclusion that restates the judgement.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary covers psychology, biology, identity, and administration, but frequent unnatural combinations and imprecise choices limit clarity.
Replace phrases such as “in psychological view,” “get the character genetically,” “constraints in administration process,” and “waste the time.”
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Both simple and complex forms are attempted, but article, preposition, agreement, and clause-connection errors occur frequently.
Break long clauses into controlled sentences and check articles and prepositions in phrases such as “from their parents” and “a waste of time.”
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
In some parts of the world, it is becoming increasingly popular to try to find out the history of someone’s family. Why do you think people do this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.