Some people argue that primary schools focus too much on formal learning. To what extent do you agree with this opinion? How important do you think it is for children to play as well as learn in the primary school classroom?
Same question Compare 4 different answersSample Response
Modern primary education should keep the balance between young learners’ learning and playing to support their holistic growth. However, it is often argued that many elementary schools typically have much larger proportion on formal classroom learning than fun learning activities. I strongly disagree with this perspective since technology and teachers’ development programs have contributed to more flexible and creative approach in teaching and learning processes.
First, there is a large number of educational videos, websites, and ready-to-use teaching resources available for teachers to support their teaching. These materials offer flexibility in terms of teaching styles and activities involved during the class. For instance, teachers may utilize games to teach complex concepts in mathematics and avoid delivering lessons using long and boring lectures. This strategy are deemed to be more effective since students are easily engaged to games to help them understand materials without too much pressure.
Moreover, educators nowadays have more opportunities to improve their pedagogical knowledge by joining teachers’ professional development programs. Through the programs they participate in, they can learn about how to create more engaging classrooms suitable for young learners. The improvement in classrooms may contribute to students’ overall well-being and positive academic outcomes.
I also belive that using the strategy of learning while playing at elementary schools is crucial since young learners are generally curious and want to explore their surroundings. They may become stressed out if confined for a long time in a formal learning setting. Therefore, it is important to allow them experience learning through fun and educational activities. For instance, they may be given an assignment to watch vidoes to learn about vocabulary and pronunciation. This approach will keep them motivated and help them enjoy their time with classmates. In a dynamic and supportive learning environment, learners are more likely to make progress in their academic journeys.
In conclusion, modern elementary schools are no longer stuck in excessive formal learning due to the availability of creative teaching and learning resources for teachers. Moreover, professional development strategies have helped teachers to apply more suitable approach for young students. These opportunities may help create fun and engaging classrooms for children in their early development.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Word choice Original: keep the balance Suggested revision: maintain a balance Why it matters: 'Maintain a balance' is a more natural collocation in formal academic writing.
- 2. Preposition error Original: have much larger proportion on Suggested revision: place a much larger emphasis on Why it matters: The noun 'proportion' requires 'of' rather than 'on', or a different word like 'emphasis'.
- 3. Missing article Original: flexible and creative approach Suggested revision: a more flexible and creative approach Why it matters: The singular countable noun 'approach' needs the indefinite article 'a'.
- 4. Subject-verb agreement Original: is Suggested revision: are Why it matters: The expression 'a large number of' followed by a plural noun takes a plural verb.
- 5. Subject-verb agreement Original: are Suggested revision: is Why it matters: The singular subject 'This strategy' requires the singular verb 'is'.
- 6. Preposition error Original: to Suggested revision: in Why it matters: The adjective 'engaged' takes the preposition 'in' when referring to participation in an activity.
- 7. Article placement Original: materials without too much pressure. Suggested revision: the materials without too much pressure. Why it matters: Adding 'the' clarifies that the students are learning specific course materials.
- 8. Spelling mistake Original: belive Suggested revision: believe Why it matters: The word 'believe' is misspelled here.
- 9. Verb pattern Original: allow them experience Suggested revision: allow them to experience Why it matters: The verb 'allow' requires an object followed by a to-infinitive.
- 10. Spelling mistake Original: vidoes Suggested revision: videos Why it matters: The word 'videos' is misspelled.
- 11. Missing article Original: apply more suitable approach Suggested revision: apply a more suitable approach Why it matters: The singular countable noun 'approach' requires an article.
- 12. Word choice Original: teaching styles and activities involved during the class. Suggested revision: teaching methods and classroom activities. Why it matters: 'Classroom activities' is more concise and natural than 'activities involved during the class'.
Suggested Rewrites
- keep the balance maintain a balance
- have much larger proportion on place a much larger emphasis on
- flexible and creative approach a more flexible and creative approach
- is are
- are is
- to in
Why this response received Band 7.5
The essay presents a clear position and effectively addresses both prompt questions with well-developed ideas and logical paragraphing. The response's greatest strength is its strong task coverage and natural academic vocabulary, while its primary limitation lies in minor grammatical and typing errors. To achieve a higher band, focus on eliminating basic subject-verb agreement errors and proofreading carefully for typing mistakes.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The candidate clearly presents a well-supported position on both prompt questions, explaining why schools are not overly formal and why play is important.
Ensure all examples explicitly demonstrate the concept of play in the classroom rather than just digital learning tools.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information and ideas are organized logically, with clear paragraphing and effective progression throughout the essay.
Use a wider variety of cohesive devices to connect ideas smoothly between sentences without overusing standard transitions like 'Moreover'.
Lexical Resource
A good range of topic-specific vocabulary is used flexibly and appropriately, though a few minor typos are present.
Proofread the response to eliminate small spelling lapses such as 'belive' and 'vidoes'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a good mix of complex sentence structures with generally clear meaning, though occasional grammatical errors occur.
Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement and structure, such as correcting 'This strategy are deemed' to 'This strategy is deemed'.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people argue that primary schools focus too much on formal learning. To what extent do you agree with this opinion? How important do you think it is for children to play as well as learn in the primary school classroom?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.