More and more businesses, as well as individuals, are choosing to communicate either professionally or socially using technology rather than being face to face Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of using technology for communicating
Sample Response
The internet has brought about the premature death of space and time. The paradigm shift has made it indispensable for entrepreneurs as well as people to socialize through electronic gadgets despite in person. Though technology is a good tool for instantaneous communication, yet it has made man more artificial than natural.
First off, people and entrepreneurs prefer technology for socializing because it saves their time and they get an immediate reply. For example, now everyone has a hectic schedule, and here communication via mobile phones and video conferencing help in saving their time and energy, which they waste while traveling. Now, just at one click on the computer or mobile phones, they get connected with the concerned people. Besides, it is a need of modern times to be well-aware of the latest technology. So, it helps in keeping people abreast of the outer world.
Admittedly, its downsides cannot be overlooked. As it has made people more artificial rather than natural. For instance, people have become cunning in concealing their true feelings for others. They try to be good while talking over phones. The personal touch that people get in meeting people personally, is completely devoid of online communication. What’s more, socializing via technology has vanished humanitarian gestures among people and has made people more machine-like.
In conclusion, although technology has communication instant; but the loss that mankind is bearing in their relationships is immense. So, the wise use of it for communication is a good solution to maintain relationships.
This is the Sample Answer of Communicate Either Professionally or Socially Using Technology
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use correct contrast Original: despite in person Suggested revision: rather than in person Why it matters: 'Rather than' correctly contrasts electronic and face-to-face communication.
- 2. Remove double conjunction Original: yet it has made Suggested revision: it has made Why it matters: Do not combine 'though' and 'yet' in the same concessive structure.
- 3. Use precise reference Original: man Suggested revision: people Why it matters: 'People' is a clearer and more inclusive reference to society in general.
- 4. Fix object pattern Original: their Suggested revision: them Why it matters: The verb 'save' takes the person as its object in this construction.
- 5. Improve parallel structure Original: and they get an immediate reply Suggested revision: and provides an immediate reply Why it matters: The coordinated verbs should share the subject 'it' and remain parallel.
- 6. Fix subject agreement Original: help Suggested revision: helps Why it matters: The head noun 'communication' is singular and requires 'helps'.
- 7. Clarify saved time Original: which they waste while traveling Suggested revision: that they would otherwise spend travelling Why it matters: The revision clarifies that this time would be spent travelling without the technology.
- 8. Correct fixed phrase Original: at Suggested revision: with Why it matters: The standard expression is 'with one click'.
- 9. Match noun number Original: phones Suggested revision: phone Why it matters: The coordinated singular alternatives should use matching number.
- 10. Choose clear wording Original: concerned Suggested revision: relevant Why it matters: 'Relevant people' more clearly means the people they need to contact.
- 11. Use adjective complement Original: a need of modern times Suggested revision: necessary in modern life Why it matters: This wording fits the following infinitive clause grammatically.
- 12. Use natural phrase Original: outer Suggested revision: wider Why it matters: 'Wider world' is the natural expression for society beyond one's immediate surroundings.
Suggested Rewrites
- despite in person rather than in person
- yet it has made it has made
- man people
- their them
- and they get an immediate reply and provides an immediate reply
- help helps
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response addresses both advantages and disadvantages and is organised into a clear progression from benefits to relational costs. The central ideas are relevant, but their development remains fairly general, and recurring awkward constructions sometimes blur the intended meaning. The most valuable improvement would be to explain each consequence more specifically while using simpler, accurately controlled sentences and more natural vocabulary.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both sides of technological communication are addressed with relevant examples, though some points remain general or only briefly explained.
Extend each main point by explaining exactly how technological communication produces the stated benefit or harm.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas follow a clear four-paragraph structure, but some progression is mechanical and a few sentence-level links are abrupt.
Build each body paragraph around one controlling idea and connect supporting sentences through clear cause-and-effect relationships.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a varied vocabulary for communication and relationships, despite several unnatural or imprecise expressions.
Choose conventional phrases such as in-person communication and personal connection instead of forcing figurative or abstract wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are attempted throughout, but recurring errors in clauses, agreement, articles, and punctuation reduce accuracy.
Revise concessive and relative-clause structures so that each sentence has one complete and grammatically stable main clause.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
More and more businesses, as well as individuals, are choosing to communicate either professionally or socially using technology rather than being face to face Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of using technology for communicating
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.