In many countries, paying for things using mobile phone (cellphone) apps is becoming increasingly common. Does this development have more advantages or disadvantages?
Sample Response
Technological advancement has impacted every industry and opened up new opportunities. It has also changed the way that we currently make payments. Due to its accessibility and ease, mobile phone applications like digital wallets are seeing a rise in popularity for transactions. This essay will discuss how the benefits outweigh the drawbacks.
Making the transition to online payments has a number of benefits. Firstly, this method of payment is easy to use and convenient. Anyone with a bank account and a debit card can complete the easy-to-understand payment procedures. Secondly, it lessens the necessity of carrying actual currency when venturing outside. Finally, it gives users access to an audit feature that allows them to monitor transactions on a daily basis. For example, the GooglePay mobile app keeps a passbook that can be viewed at any time to see the payments made from the account, which lessens the likelihood of disputes arising from transactions between parties.
On the other hand, the main problem of digital payment is the rise in fraud and cybercrime. These days, thieves are highly creative and constantly coming up with new ways to take advantage of people’s money. To exemplify, many incidents have been reported where lakhs of rupees were swiped from people’s accounts by tricking them into sharing their unique authentication PIN. Moreover, the possibility of technical malfunctions that could cause payment procedures to be disrupted is a serious drawback. For instance, software faults or network connectivity problems could momentarily make mobile payment apps unusable, which would be inconvenient for consumers and might even result in financial disruptions.
To sum up, using a phone to make payments has several advantages that improve people’s daily lives. But when making payments, one should be cautious and aware of the risks. (291 words)
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Improve collocation Original: has impacted every industry Suggested revision: has had an impact on every industry Why it matters: The revised phrase uses the more natural noun collocation while preserving the claim.
- 2. Remove redundancy Original: the way that we currently make payments Suggested revision: the way we make payments Why it matters: The shorter form conveys the same meaning more directly.
- 3. Clarify the reference Original: Due to its accessibility and ease Suggested revision: Because they are accessible and easy to use Why it matters: The singular pronoun has no clear singular referent before the plural subject.
- 4. Use precise category Original: mobile phone applications like digital wallets Suggested revision: mobile payment applications such as digital wallets Why it matters: This wording identifies the relevant type of application more precisely.
- 5. Clarify the purpose Original: for transactions Suggested revision: for making transactions Why it matters: The gerund phrase states the applications' function more naturally.
- 6. Use a precise verb Original: discuss how Suggested revision: explain why Why it matters: The essay gives reasons for the comparison, so this verb phrase is more exact.
- 7. Use familiar wording Original: access to an audit feature Suggested revision: access to transaction records Why it matters: The replacement names the feature clearly without the awkward audit collocation.
- 8. Modernize the expression Original: keeps a passbook Suggested revision: maintains a transaction history Why it matters: This phrase describes a digital record more precisely in this context.
- 9. Fix the preposition Original: the main problem of digital payment Suggested revision: the main problem with digital payments Why it matters: Problem normally takes with when identifying a difficulty associated with something.
- 10. Use a natural linker Original: To exemplify Suggested revision: For example Why it matters: This is the conventional transition for introducing the illustrative case that follows.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: Anyone with a bank account and a debit card can complete the easy-to-understand payment procedures. Suggested revision: Anyone with a bank account and a debit card can follow the straightforward payment procedure. Why it matters: Follow collocates more naturally with procedure than complete does.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: Secondly, it lessens the necessity of carrying actual currency when venturing outside. Suggested revision: Secondly, it reduces the need to carry cash when going out. Why it matters: The revision replaces several overly formal expressions with clear, idiomatic wording.
Suggested Rewrites
- has impacted every industry has had an impact on every industry
- the way that we currently make payments the way we make payments
- Due to its accessibility and ease Because they are accessible and easy to use
- mobile phone applications like digital wallets mobile payment applications such as digital wallets
- for transactions for making transactions
- discuss how explain why
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response presents a clear position and supports both sides with relevant, easy-to-follow examples, particularly the discussion of fraud and technical failures. Its main limitation is that the benefits are often listed rather than fully developed or directly weighed against the drawbacks. The highest-priority improvement is to explain why the combined benefits are more significant than the identified risks and reinforce that comparison in the conclusion.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses both advantages and disadvantages, maintains a clear position, and supports its main ideas with relevant examples.
Develop the comparative judgement explicitly by explaining why the advantages outweigh the serious risks discussed.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through a clear introduction, two focused body paragraphs, and a concise conclusion, with generally effective linking.
Use less list-like sequencing in the advantages paragraph and connect each benefit through a more developed line of reasoning.
Lexical Resource
A sufficiently wide and generally precise vocabulary supports discussion of convenience, transaction records, cybercrime, and technical disruption.
Replace occasional awkward combinations such as references to taking advantage of people's money with more natural, precise phrasing.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A good range of simple and complex sentence structures is used with generally strong control and clear meaning throughout.
Refine article, number, and preposition choices in phrases such as the main problem of digital payment to improve naturalness.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
In many countries, paying for things using mobile phone (cellphone) apps is becoming increasingly common. Does this development have more advantages or disadvantages?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.