Television is dangerous because it destroys family life and any sense of community; instead of visiting people or talking with our family we just watch television. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Sample Response
Nowadays, television is undoubtedly one of the most convenient modes of delivering infotainment. It has significantly impacted the lives of people by taking their chunks of time from their daily routine life. It has been argued that television has started threatening the future of the family and social life as well as minimising the instinct of community. This would be proven by analysing the consequences of unrealistic life being telecasted on TV channels as well wastage of precious time while watching the TV programs.
Firstly, the programs aired on TV channels are usually far away from the reality. Especially, when we take an example of entertainment programs in which the programs are far from the reality not representing the actual culture and society problems. Further, these sought of programs tend to change the perception of people and tend to influence their lives in a negative way making them think in the opposite direction. It is obvious by looking at the example that these impractical programs are pushing people away from the real world. Thus, it can be concluded that unrealistic programs are seriously creating a dent in the family and social life.
Secondly, the telecasted programs are draining people precious time. The golden time they can utilise with their families to discuss issues like children education, financial matters, future plans etc. For instance, it has been proven that the families which don’t spend time with each other can be a source of rising tensions and distances consequently, the family life will get affected. This example shows that loss of time can be a major problem for people and it is depriving them with the essence of a single community.
To conclude, the gloomy picture of life being shown on TV and valuable time being wasted by watching TV has proven to be a major hit on family and social life. I strongly believe, the excessive use of TV by the general public has compromised the lives of people by making them not only isolated from the society but also from their immediate family. In near future also, it is highly unlikely that viewership of television will decrease due to an ever growing interest of people in it.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix possessive placement Original: their chunks of time Suggested revision: chunks of their time Why it matters: The possessive must modify ‘time’, not ‘chunks’.
- 2. Use natural phrase Original: daily routine life Suggested revision: daily routines Why it matters: ‘Daily routines’ expresses ordinary recurring activities naturally and concisely.
- 3. Use standard expression Original: instinct Suggested revision: sense Why it matters: ‘Sense of community’ is the established expression for social belonging.
- 4. Use appropriate tense Original: This would be proven Suggested revision: This will be demonstrated Why it matters: The essay is announcing what the following analysis will show, so future form is appropriate.
- 5. Improve word choice Original: unrealistic life being telecasted Suggested revision: unrealistic lifestyles being portrayed Why it matters: Programmes portray lifestyles; ‘telecasted life’ is not a natural collocation.
- 6. Complete paired connector Original: as well wastage Suggested revision: as well as the waste Why it matters: The additive structure requires the complete phrase ‘as well as’.
- 7. Use natural collocation Original: far away from the reality Suggested revision: far removed from reality Why it matters: ‘Far removed from reality’ is the natural expression for unrealistic content.
- 8. Correct the expression Original: these sought of programs Suggested revision: these sorts of programmes Why it matters: ‘Sorts’ is the required plural noun; ‘sought’ is an unrelated verb form.
- 9. Use concise adverb Original: in a negative way Suggested revision: negatively Why it matters: The adverb states the same meaning more directly.
- 10. Use precise verb Original: creating a dent in Suggested revision: damaging Why it matters: ‘Damaging’ is clearer and more appropriate for the effect on family and social life.
- 11. Add possessive form Original: draining people precious time Suggested revision: consuming people’s precious time Why it matters: The noun ‘people’ requires a possessive form before ‘time’.
- 12. Add possessive form Original: children Suggested revision: children’s Why it matters: The education belonging to children requires the possessive form.
Suggested Rewrites
- their chunks of time chunks of their time
- daily routine life daily routines
- instinct sense
- This would be proven This will be demonstrated
- unrealistic life being telecasted unrealistic lifestyles being portrayed
- as well wastage as well as the waste
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response presents a consistent position and organises two relevant reasons into a clear essay structure, with the loss of family time being the more convincing point. The discussion of unrealistic television content is repetitive and its connection to weakened family or community life is often asserted rather than explained, while recurring language inaccuracies affect fluency. Prioritise deeper causal explanation supported by one precise example in each body paragraph.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response answers the question with a clear agreement and two relevant ideas, though the first idea lacks convincing development.
Explain exactly how unrealistic programmes damage interaction within families or communities instead of repeatedly stating that they do.
Coherence and Cohesion
Clear paragraphing and an evident sequence support progression, but repetition and some mechanical linking weaken cohesion within paragraphs.
Replace repeated claims with a tighter chain of cause, consequence, and example in each body paragraph.
Lexical Resource
There is adequate topic vocabulary and some less common wording, but inaccurate collocations and word choices occur regularly.
Prefer precise natural phrases such as unrealistic portrayals, people's precious time, and deprive them of community contact.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied sentence structures, but fragments, possessive errors, article problems, and faulty clause connections remain noticeable.
Check that every sentence has a complete main clause and that possessives and articles are consistently accurate.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Television is dangerous because it destroys family life and any sense of community; instead of visiting people or talking with our family we just watch television. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.