Individual greed and selfishness have been the basis of the modern society. Some people think that we must return to the older and more traditional values of respect for the family and the local community in order to create a better world to live in. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Today, luxury lifestyle has affected humans’ living conditions fundamentally. While in the past traditional rules were a major base for many communities, now people consider money as a priority. Some believe that our ancestors had a better living situation, and I firmly agree with them.
Undeniably, now personal factors have become the first choice for many people living across the world. One obvious example is that young have less respect for elders. Thinking solely the benefits, juveniles value less their parents’ attitudes compared to the past. For instance, to select their marriage partner, the former youth considered their parents’ opinions more than now, whereas now they have become more selfish and do not value their parents’ experience. On the other side, parents have become greedy too.
Clearly, they financially backed up their children before more than now; however, many over 65 people always prefer to have more saving instead of helping their children. As a prime example, my grandfather supported my mother’s education tuition, but she has not paid any cent for my education even she knew I had many problems to pay it. From my perspective, our ancestors had a better living condition. One important reason behind it is that they were more supportive to each other. Admittedly, traditional family structure assisted all age groups to have a better feeling about life. Adolescents need to be supported by their adults during their study, and seniors received more aids from their offspring. Another one is that communities could adapt themselves to some unexpected critical conditions. In this case, had not European poor citizens been supported by the rich after World War II, their homes would not have been recovered so fast.
In conclusion, developing of technology, humans have the lacking consideration to others. I personally believe that the former societies had safer lifestyles because all age groups were more supportive to each other, during critical conditions or any stage of life.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix adjective and article Original: luxury lifestyle Suggested revision: a luxurious lifestyle Why it matters: The singular count noun needs an article, and “luxurious” is the required adjective.
- 2. Use natural phrasing Original: humans’ living conditions Suggested revision: people’s lives Why it matters: The revised phrase expresses the broad effect on how people live more naturally.
- 3. Match the task concept Original: rules Suggested revision: values Why it matters: The response is discussing shared principles such as respect, not formal rules.
- 4. Correct collocation Original: base Suggested revision: foundation Why it matters: “Foundation” is the natural noun for an underlying basis of communities.
- 5. Use natural verb pattern Original: consider Suggested revision: regard Why it matters: “Regard … as” is the more idiomatic construction in this context.
- 6. Complete the noun phrase Original: young have Suggested revision: young people have Why it matters: “Young” cannot stand alone as a plural noun in this construction.
- 7. Correct introductory phrase Original: to select their marriage partner Suggested revision: when selecting a marriage partner Why it matters: The time clause correctly frames the situation and uses a natural noun phrase.
- 8. Clarify time reference Original: the former youth Suggested revision: young people in the past Why it matters: “Former youth” does not clearly mean earlier generations of young people.
- 9. Complete the comparison Original: parents’ opinions more than now Suggested revision: parents’ opinions more than young people do now Why it matters: The comparison needs an explicit present-day subject and auxiliary verb.
- 10. Correct contrast marker Original: side Suggested revision: hand Why it matters: “On the other hand” is the standard linker for presenting the contrasting group.
- 11. Use correct phrasal verb Original: backed up their children Suggested revision: supported their children Why it matters: “Backed up” is not the natural expression for providing financial help in this context.
- 12. Fix comparative structure Original: before more than now Suggested revision: more in the past than they do now Why it matters: The revision gives the comparison a clear time frame and complete clause.
Suggested Rewrites
- luxury lifestyle a luxurious lifestyle
- humans’ living conditions people’s lives
- rules values
- base foundation
- consider regard
- young have young people have
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response maintains a clear agreement and offers several examples of weakened family and community support, giving the essay a recognisable central argument. However, development is uneven: it focuses more on claiming that the past was better than on explaining how returning to specific traditional values would improve modern society, and frequent language errors weaken precision. Prioritise a direct cause-and-effect case for the proposed return, supported by clearly expressed examples.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response maintains a relevant position and presents several supporting ideas, but it only partly explains how reviving traditional values would create a better modern society.
Connect each example directly to a specific value that should be restored and explain the resulting benefit for society today.
Coherence and Cohesion
The overall argument is recognisable and uses a clear introduction and conclusion, but progression within the body is uneven and one idea is split awkwardly across paragraphs.
Organise each body paragraph around one complete claim, with its explanation and example kept together before moving to the next point.
Lexical Resource
The essay shows some range in discussing families and communities, but frequent inaccurate word choices and collocations make expression unnatural or imprecise.
Use simpler, established phrases for respect, financial support, and social cohesion, and check collocations before adding less familiar vocabulary.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mixture of simple and complex forms is attempted, but frequent errors in clause structure, articles, agreement, and prepositions reduce accuracy.
Focus on producing complete clauses with accurate subject-verb patterns before attempting inversions or compressed introductory structures.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Individual greed and selfishness have been the basis of the modern society. Some people think that we must return to the older and more traditional values of respect for the family and the local community in order to create a better world to live in. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.