In June 1996, an experimental flu vaccine was trialled in a large country town on females only. The result of this survey is presented in the following illustration.
Sample Response
The diagrams present results of a survey conducted in a big municipality on the flu vaccine to women in June 1996. Generally speaking, more females were affected by the flu than men did and death rate among women from the flu was also higher. As the data suggests, from February to June, the number of flu infection steadily increased. More females were affected by flue than men did and in the middle of the year, this infection spread among more than 3500 female and more than 2500 men at which point the injection experimented. The infection rate in the rest of the year remained constant - 2500 females and 1500 males. The bar graph shows the death cases from the flu and it is obvious that female death case was higher than the male mortality event. From June to August, 2 men died from the flu infection where 4 women departed from the same flu. Finally, the pie chart presents data on the aftermath of the vaccination. It can be observed that older women and children were at more risk than other age groups of females.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Match the setting Original: big municipality Suggested revision: large country town Why it matters: The task identifies the location as a large country town, not a municipality.
- 2. Clarify the trial Original: the flu vaccine to women Suggested revision: a flu-vaccine trial involving women Why it matters: This wording accurately and naturally describes what was conducted.
- 3. Fix comparison form Original: more females were affected by the flu than men did Suggested revision: more females than males were affected by the flu Why it matters: A parallel noun comparison is required because the figures compare females with males.
- 4. Add the article Original: and death rate Suggested revision: and the death rate Why it matters: The singular countable noun needs the definite article here.
- 5. Use countable term Original: infection Suggested revision: cases Why it matters: The graph counts individual cases, so "cases" is the accurate plural noun.
- 6. Correct the spelling Original: flue Suggested revision: flu Why it matters: The illness is spelled "flu," while "flue" has a different meaning.
- 7. Name the peak month Original: in the middle of the year Suggested revision: in June Why it matters: The line graph shows that both series reached their highest point specifically in June.
- 8. Report exact female peak Original: more than 3500 female Suggested revision: 3,500 females Why it matters: The female series peaks at 3,500, not above that value, and the count noun must be plural.
- 9. Report male peak Original: more than 2500 men Suggested revision: about 2,700 males Why it matters: The male series peaks at approximately 2,700 in June.
- 10. Use passive form Original: at which point the injection experimented Suggested revision: at which point the vaccine was trialled Why it matters: The vaccine receives the action, so a complete passive construction is needed.
- 11. Use natural wording Original: death cases Suggested revision: number of deaths Why it matters: "Number of deaths" is the standard expression for the quantity shown.
- 12. Fix noun phrase Original: female death case Suggested revision: the female death toll Why it matters: The original singular phrase is ungrammatical for an aggregate comparison.
Suggested Rewrites
- big municipality large country town
- the flu vaccine to women a flu-vaccine trial involving women
- more females were affected by the flu than men did more females than males were affected by the flu
- and death rate and the death rate
- infection cases
- flue flu
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response's strongest feature is its clear movement through the three visuals and its identification of the main gender contrast. However, coverage is incomplete and sometimes inaccurate: the post-June decline is described as constant, an earlier death is omitted, and the pie chart is mischaracterised without figures. The highest priority is to select the true peaks, changes, and proportions and compare them precisely with accurate data.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response presents a broad overview and some correct figures, but it omits major features and inaccurately describes the later flu trend and vaccination-risk chart.
Report the June peaks and subsequent declines, both death periods, and all key pie-chart proportions without adding unsupported interpretations.
Coherence and Cohesion
The information follows a generally logical visual-by-visual sequence, although it is presented as one undivided paragraph and some links are mechanical.
Separate the overview from grouped detail paragraphs and use comparisons to connect related figures rather than repeatedly introducing each chart.
Lexical Resource
There is enough vocabulary to describe trends and mortality, but frequent spelling and collocation problems reduce precision, such as "flue," "injection experimented," and "women departed."
Use accurate chart language and natural collocations such as "flu cases peaked," "the vaccine was trialled," and "women died."
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of sentence forms is attempted, but frequent errors in comparison structures, agreement, articles, and clause construction weaken accuracy.
Practise comparative patterns and complete passive clauses, then proofread each sentence for subject-verb agreement and plural forms.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
In June 1996, an experimental flu vaccine was trialled in a large country town on females only. The result of this survey is presented in the following illustration.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.