The pie chart below shows the main reasons why agricultural land becomes less productive. The table shows how these causes affected three regions of the world during the 1990s
Sample Response
The pie chart illustrates how agricultural land become land degradation, while the table compares the percentage of land degradation causes of three different areas(North America, Europe, and Ocenia), in 1990s.
Overall, focusing on the highest figures, over-grazing was leading the main cause for land degradation, whereas other factors reported the lowest rates. Meanwhile, turning to each region, Europe experienced the highest proportion of land degradation, while North America was affacted the least.
In terms of overall causes of land degradation, over-grazing is the main factor, followed closely by deforestation and over-cultivation. Over-grazing accounted for 35% of worldwide degradation, exceeding deforestation (30%) and over-cultivation(28%) whereas other causes accounted for 7%, substantially lower than other categories. Overall, agricultural activities were the main factors to land degradation.
Regarding impacts of causes to each region, Europe experienced the highest percentage compared with other areas. Turning to Europe, the area reported the highest percentage (23%), with 9.8% land degraded by deforestation while North America and Oceania accounted for 5% and 13%. In Europe deforestation shows the highest figure, while over-grazing the dominant factor in Oceania. By contrast, over-cultivation shows the largest percentage in North America. Overall, the primary cause of land degradation varied considerably from one region to another.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Grammar error Original: land become land degradation Suggested revision: agricultural land becomes degraded Why it matters: The phrase 'become land degradation' is ungrammatical; land becomes degraded.
- 2. Word choice Original: percentage of land degradation causes Suggested revision: causes of land degradation Why it matters: The table presents the proportion of land degraded by each cause, not the percentage of causes.
- 3. Spelling error Original: Ocenia Suggested revision: Oceania Why it matters: The correct spelling of the region is Oceania.
- 4. Spacing error Original: areas(North Suggested revision: areas (North Why it matters: Add a space before an opening parenthesis.
- 5. Missing article Original: in 1990s Suggested revision: in the 1990s Why it matters: Decades require the definite article 'the'.
- 6. Phrasing error Original: was leading the main cause Suggested revision: was the main cause Why it matters: The verbs 'leading' and 'was the main cause' are redundant when combined.
- 7. Spelling error Original: affacted Suggested revision: affected Why it matters: The verb is spelled 'affected'.
- 8. Spacing error Original: over-cultivation(28%) Suggested revision: over-cultivation (28%) Why it matters: Include a space before the opening parenthesis.
- 9. Redundant wording Original: substantially lower than other categories Suggested revision: substantially lower than the specified categories Why it matters: Using 'other categories' creates confusion since this sector is named 'other'.
- 10. Preposition choice Original: to Suggested revision: in Why it matters: The standard preposition after 'factor' in this context is 'in' or 'of'.
- 11. Preposition choice Original: impacts of causes to each region Suggested revision: impact of these causes on each region Why it matters: The noun 'impact' takes the preposition 'on', not 'to'.
- 12. Inaccurate data label Original: reported the highest percentage (23%), with 9.8% Suggested revision: reported the highest total percentage of degraded land (23%), with 9.8% Why it matters: The figure 9.8% represents 9.8% of total land degraded by deforestation, not 9.8% of land overall.
Suggested Rewrites
- land become land degradation agricultural land becomes degraded
- percentage of land degradation causes causes of land degradation
- Ocenia Oceania
- areas(North areas (North
- in 1990s in the 1990s
- was leading the main cause was the main cause
Why this response received Band 6.5
The essay successfully presents a clear overview and accurate data keying into both the pie chart and table. However, repetitive structural transitions and frequent grammatical inaccuracies moderate the overall clarity. To raise the score, focus on eliminating basic errors in verb phrasing and varying transition phrases across paragraphs.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
All main key features from both the pie chart and table are selected, reported accurately, and effectively summarized in a clear overview.
Ensure comparisons between the table data and pie chart figures are integrated even more naturally to highlight major regional contrasts.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is logically organized into dedicated paragraphs, though transition markers are somewhat mechanical and the word 'overall' is overused.
Vary cohesive devices and avoid starting multiple paragraphs or internal summary sentences with 'Overall'.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a suitable range of task-specific vocabulary, though minor spelling mistakes and awkward word combinations appear occasionally.
Refine word choices and double-check spelling for regional names and common adjectives, such as 'Oceania' and 'affected'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex sentence structures is attempted, but frequent minor grammatical slips and incomplete clauses affect precision.
Check for clause completeness and correct verb forms, such as ensuring minor verbs like 'was' are not omitted in comparative structures.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The pie chart below shows the main reasons why agricultural land becomes less productive. The table shows how these causes affected three regions of the world during the 1990s
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.