In June 1996, an experimental flu vaccine was trialled in a large country town on females only. The result of this survey is presented in the following illustration.
Sample Response
The graphs provide the results of a survey on the flu vaccine trial conducted in a large country town involvingon females in June 1996. Overall, despite the vaccination, more females were affected by the flu and the death rate was also higher in females, especially among older women. The line graph illustrates the number of flu casesprevalence of the flu among both genders. DeleteAs seen from the graph, from February to April, a steep rise in flu casesa steep increase in flu rates was recorded:was seen - 1,000 cases among females1000 females and around 600 cases among malesaround 600 males. In the middle of the year, a dramatic increase was noticed; reaching a peak of 3500 in females and above 2500 in males in June at which point the injection experiment was done. Although the number of flu cases began to fallthe flu rates began to drop after June, case numbers remained higherprevalence was still higher among females (about 2,500) than among males (1,500) in Novemberfemales (2500) as compared to males (1500). The bar graph illustrates the number of deaths from fludeath rate from flu; from June to August, 4 women died, while only 2 men diedhad expired. In contrast, from March to May, no male deathsmortality was reported and one1 woman died. Finally from the pie chart, despite immunization over a quarter of girls and 35% of geriatric women were at more risk than other females from other age groups.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response’s strongest feature is its coverage of all three visuals, supported by several relevant comparisons and figures. Its main limitation is imprecise interpretation: it implies unsupported effects of vaccination, describes the 24% child group as over a quarter, and underdevelops the risk-category data. The highest-priority improvement is to report each visual’s measures exactly and organise the overview and details into clear paragraphs.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The report addresses all three visuals and identifies the main flu and death patterns, but its overview implies unsupported causation and the risk-chart coverage is incomplete and partly inaccurate.
Distinguish the visuals’ measures carefully, state that children account for 24%, and compare the omitted 13% hospitalised and 28% unvaccinated groups.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information progresses logically from the line graph to the death chart and risk chart, but presenting the entire report as one paragraph weakens the separation of overview and details.
Use a brief introduction and overview followed by separate detail paragraphs that group the time-series findings and the other two visuals.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary such as “prevalence,” “mortality,” and “immunization” shows range, although phrases such as “had expired” and “at more risk” are imprecise or unnatural.
Prefer precise chart-reporting collocations such as “died,” “at higher risk,” and “number of cases” throughout.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses a useful range of complex structures with generally clear meaning, but punctuation and clause control lapse in the semicolon fragment and the final sentence.
Repair the fragment after “was noticed” and recast the final sentence so its concession, percentages, and comparison form one controlled structure.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
In June 1996, an experimental flu vaccine was trialled in a large country town on females only. The result of this survey is presented in the following illustration.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.