The graph and bar chart below show the average monthly rainfall and temperature for one region of East Africa.
Sample Response
The line graph and bar chart illustrate the mean rainfall and temperature in a month for a period of a year in part of East Africa. Overall, it is clear that there is a direct link between the average temperature and rainfall and both of them show fluctuation throughout the 12-month period. First of all, the most noticeable feature of the line graph is that the temperature reaches the first peak in March and second in October (just above 23.5°C and well over 23.0°C respectively). The next striking feature of this graph is the temperature has the lowest point in July which is approximately 20.5°C. To compare, the temperature over the time frame, it is apparent that temperature in December is lower than that in January (around 21.5°C and 22.0°C respectively).
Turning to the bar graph, we can see the peak of mean rainfall of the year is in April which is the overall highest peak and in November with the figure around 275mm and 150mm correspondingly. The lowest rainfall of the year falls in July with just under 25mm. Not forgetting to mention that, there is more rainfall in the first six months of the year than months after July.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Awkward time phrase Original: in a month for a period of a year Suggested revision: over a year Why it matters: This is a simpler and more natural way to describe monthly data.
- 2. Overstated relationship Original: there is a direct link between the average temperature and rainfall Suggested revision: rainfall and temperature both fluctuate, but not always in the same way Why it matters: Rainfall peaks in April and November, while temperature peaks around March/April and October.
- 3. Plural noun Original: both of them show fluctuation Suggested revision: both show fluctuations Why it matters: This is the natural noun form.
- 4. Formal transition Original: First of all Suggested revision: Regarding temperature Why it matters: Use a chart-focused transition rather than conversational sequencing.
- 5. Missing article Original: reaches the first peak in March and second in October Suggested revision: reaches its first peak in March and its second in October Why it matters: Use possessive/article forms before ordinal nouns.
- 6. Figure precision Original: just above 23.5°C Suggested revision: about 23.5°C Why it matters: The line is around 23.5°C, so “about” is safer.
- 7. Awkward link Original: To compare, the temperature over the time frame Suggested revision: By comparison, over the year Why it matters: This transition is clearer and less fragmented.
- 8. Missing article Original: it is apparent that temperature in December Suggested revision: it is apparent that the temperature in December Why it matters: Use “the temperature” for a specific monthly value.
- 9. Natural phrasing Original: the peak of mean rainfall of the year Suggested revision: the wettest month Why it matters: This is a concise way to describe the highest rainfall bar.
- 10. Redundant phrase Original: overall highest peak Suggested revision: highest point Why it matters: “Overall highest peak” repeats the same idea.
- 11. Wrong linker Original: correspondingly Suggested revision: respectively Why it matters: Use “respectively” to match April and November with their figures.
- 12. Natural graph verb Original: falls in July Suggested revision: occurs in July Why it matters: Rainfall does not “fall in” a month in this sense.
Suggested Rewrites
- in a month for a period of a year over a year
- there is a direct link between the average temperature and rainfall rainfall and temperature both fluctuate, but not always in the same way
- both of them show fluctuation both show fluctuations
- First of all Regarding temperature
- reaches the first peak in March and second in October reaches its first peak in March and its second in October
- just above 23.5°C about 23.5°C
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The response covers the main rainfall and temperature peaks and the July low, with generally accurate figures. The overview overstates a direct link because rainfall and temperature do not always rise and fall together.
Describe the pattern more carefully: rainfall has two wet seasons, while temperature peaks around March/April and October and is lowest in July.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report is clearly divided between temperature and rainfall, but some comparisons are wordy and a few transitions are awkward.
Keep the two-chart structure, but make the overview more comparative and concise.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is suitable but sometimes repetitive or unnatural, such as “overall highest peak” and “correspondingly”.
Use precise phrases like “the wettest month”, “the driest month”, “first peak”, and “second peak”.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Grammar is mostly understandable, though article use, comma placement and sentence structure cause some awkwardness.
Edit long comparative sentences and avoid inserting commas between subject and verb.