The first chart below shows the results of a survey which sampled a cross-section of 100,000 people asking if they traveled abroad and why they traveled for the period 1994-98. The second chart shows their destinations over the same period. You should write not less than 150 words. VISITS ABROAD BY UK RESIDENTS BY PURPOSE OF VISIT (1994-98) Holiday 15,246 14,898 17,896 19,703 20,700 Business 3,155 3,188 3,249 3,639 3,957 Visits to friends & relatives 2,689 2,628 2,774 3,051 3,181 Other reasons 1,030 1,054 TOTAL 22,072 21,610 24,949 27,447 28,828 Destinations of visits abroad by UK residents by main region (1994-98)
Sample Response
The provided charts show the data of a survey conducted on 100,000 people and the statistics shows the number of UK citizen travelled abroad during 1994 to 1998 for different purposes and their destinations. As is observed from the given graphs, most of the UK residents travelled on their holidays and Western Europe was their most favourite destination. Initially, in 1994, more than 22 thousand UK resident traveled different foreign countries and among them, more than 15 thousand went on their holidays. For business tours, more than 3 thousand people travelled in other countries in the same year while more than 2 thousand people visited their friends and relatives. After 1 year, this number slightly decreased and for the rest of the years until 1998, the number steadily increased in almost all of the categories. Finally, in 1998, the total traveler number reached to more than 28 thousand and among them, more than twenty thousand people travelled to enjoy their holidays. In 1994, almost 18 thousand people out of 22 thousand went to Western Europe which is significantly larger than the number of people traveled to North America and other parts of the world. The similar trends can be observed for the remaining years and the majority people of the UK went to Western Europe which makes this place the most popular tourist’s destination of UK people.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use source preposition Original: of Suggested revision: from Why it matters: The data originate from the survey, so "from" is the natural preposition.
- 2. Fix subject agreement Original: shows Suggested revision: show Why it matters: The plural subject "statistics" takes the plural verb "show."
- 3. Repair noun phrase Original: the number of UK citizen travelled Suggested revision: the number of UK citizens who travelled Why it matters: Use the plural noun and a relative clause after "the number of."
- 4. Use time range Original: during Suggested revision: from Why it matters: A bounded period is expressed with "from ... to," not "during ... to."
- 5. Remove double superlative Original: their most favourite destination Suggested revision: their favourite destination Why it matters: "Favourite" already expresses the highest preference, so "most" is redundant.
- 6. Use plural residents Original: 22 thousand UK resident Suggested revision: 22,000 UK residents Why it matters: A number above one requires the plural form "residents."
- 7. Add travel preposition Original: traveled different foreign countries Suggested revision: travelled to different foreign countries Why it matters: The verb "travel" needs "to" before a destination.
- 8. Name visit purpose Original: went on their holidays Suggested revision: travelled for holidays Why it matters: This phrasing states the chart's purpose-of-visit category more precisely.
- 9. Use business trips Original: tours Suggested revision: trips Why it matters: "Business trips" is the natural term for this purpose of travel.
- 10. Use travelled abroad Original: travelled in other countries Suggested revision: travelled abroad Why it matters: The chart counts overseas visits, which is expressed directly as travelling abroad.
- 11. Name the year Original: After 1 year Suggested revision: In 1995 Why it matters: Naming the year makes the chronological progression more precise.
- 12. Clarify reference Original: this number slightly decreased Suggested revision: the total number slightly decreased Why it matters: The noun "number" needs an explicit referent after several different figures.
Suggested Rewrites
- of from
- shows show
- the number of UK citizen travelled the number of UK citizens who travelled
- during from
- their most favourite destination their favourite destination
- 22 thousand UK resident 22,000 UK residents
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response presents a clear overview of the dominant travel purpose and destination, and it communicates the main rise after 1995 with relevant figures from both visuals. Its coverage of the destinations chart is rather thin and includes an inaccurate 1994 Western Europe figure, while frequent grammatical and collocational slips reduce polish; the priority is to select a few more precise destination comparisons and proofread agreement, articles, and noun phrases.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The main trends and dominant categories are identified with relevant support, but destination coverage is limited and the 1994 Western Europe figure is understated.
Add accurate start-to-end comparisons for Western Europe, North America, and other areas rather than relying mainly on a general trend statement.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information follows a broadly logical path from purpose to destination, but the entire report is presented as one paragraph and some references are vague.
Use a distinct overview and separate detail paragraphs for purposes and destinations, ensuring phrases such as “this number” have an unmistakable reference.
Lexical Resource
The response uses an adequate range of travel and trend vocabulary, but repetition and awkward combinations such as “reached to” and “majority people” reduce naturalness.
Replace repeated forms with precise combinations such as “the total reached,” “the majority of residents,” and “travelled for business.”
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentences are attempted and meaning remains clear, but agreement, article, plural, and preposition errors occur regularly.
Edit each sentence for subject-verb agreement and complete noun phrases, especially “the statistics show,” “UK residents,” and “the majority of UK residents.”
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The first chart below shows the results of a survey which sampled a cross-section of 100,000 people asking if they traveled abroad and why they traveled for the period 1994-98. The second chart shows their destinations over the same period. You should write not less than 150 words. VISITS ABROAD BY UK RESIDENTS BY PURPOSE OF VISIT (1994-98) Holiday 15,246 14,898 17,896 19,703 20,700 Business 3,155 3,188 3,249 3,639 3,957 Visits to friends & relatives 2,689 2,628 2,774 3,051 3,181 Other reasons 1,030 1,054 TOTAL 22,072 21,610 24,949 27,447 28,828 Destinations of visits abroad by UK residents by main region (1994-98)
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.