The graph below compares the number of visits to two new music sites on the web.
Sample Response
The graph shows the number of hits to two new music sites on the web, measured in thousands over a period of fifteen days. As far as Music Choice is concerned, the number of visits to the Site fluctuated between 20,000 and 40,000 in the first eleven days, except for Day 3 when they reached 60,000. By contrast, visits to the Pop Parade Site fell erratically from approximately 120,000 hits on Day 1 to around 40,000 on Day 7. Between days 11 and 15 visits to Music Choice fluctuated dramatically, hitting a peak of over 120,000 on Day 14. Despite a drop to less than 40,000 hits, Pop Parade Saw a huge increase in the number of hits between Days 9 and 11, reaching a total of over 150,000 hits on Day 11. At the end of the fifteen-day period the number of hits to Pop Parade peaked at around 170,00, whereas those for Music Choice Showed a marked decline to around 70,000.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use lowercase noun Original: Site Suggested revision: site Why it matters: The common noun ‘site’ does not need a capital letter here.
- 2. Use lowercase noun Original: Site Suggested revision: site Why it matters: The word ‘site’ is a common noun following the name Pop Parade.
- 3. Correct Day 7 value Original: 40 Suggested revision: 30 Why it matters: The graph places Pop Parade at approximately 30,000 visits on Day 7.
- 4. Fix capitalization Original: Saw Suggested revision: saw Why it matters: A verb in the middle of a sentence should not begin with a capital letter.
- 5. Match plotted value Original: over Suggested revision: about Why it matters: The Pop Parade point on Day 11 is approximately 150,000, rather than above it.
- 6. Correct number format Original: 00 Suggested revision: 000 Why it matters: The number is missing a zero and should be written as 170,000.
- 7. Fix capitalization Original: Showed Suggested revision: showed Why it matters: The verb ‘showed’ should not be capitalized in the middle of the sentence.
- 8. Use concise framing Original: As far as Music Choice is concerned Suggested revision: For Music Choice Why it matters: The shorter phrase introduces the series more directly in a statistical report.
- 9. Fix pronoun agreement Original: they Suggested revision: it Why it matters: The pronoun should agree with the singular noun ‘number’.
- 10. Describe overall trend Original: fell erratically Suggested revision: declined overall Why it matters: Pop Parade shows minor variation but an overall fall from Day 1 to Day 7.
- 11. Use consistent measure Original: hits Suggested revision: visits Why it matters: ‘Visits’ matches the graph label and the terminology used in the introduction.
- 12. Use formal description Original: huge Suggested revision: sharp Why it matters: ‘Sharp increase’ is a more precise formal expression for a graph report.
Suggested Rewrites
- Site site
- Site site
- 40 30
- Saw saw
- over about
- 00 000
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response accurately reports many figures and changes, using varied trend vocabulary and generally well-controlled complex sentences. Its main weakness is the absence of a clear overview that identifies the dominant patterns across the full period, especially Pop Parade’s generally higher traffic and the late surges; add a brief overview before the detailed chronology and carefully proofread figures and capitalization.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
Most selected figures and movements are accurate, but the response gives no clear overview of the main patterns.
Add an overview stating that Pop Parade was usually more popular and that both sites rose sharply near the end.
Coherence and Cohesion
The chronological account is easy to follow and comparisons are linked clearly, although all information is compressed into one paragraph.
Separate the overview and the two main sets of details into distinct paragraphs to make the progression more transparent.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a varied and generally precise range of trend vocabulary, with only an isolated numerical typo.
Proofread data expressions carefully, especially the malformed figure “170,00,” while retaining the effective range of trend verbs.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A good variety of complex structures is used accurately, and errors are rare and do not impede meaning.
Refine proofreading of sentence-level mechanics, particularly unnecessary capitalization within sentences.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below compares the number of visits to two new music sites on the web.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.