The graph below gives information about international tourist arrivals in five countries.
Sample Response
The graph shows the overall numbers of tourist arrivals in five countries between 1995 and 2010. In 1995 over 70 million tourists visited the United States, more than twice as many as the next most popular destination shown, France. However, between 2005 and 2010 there was a decrease of approximately 1,500,000 in the numbers going to the United States whereas there was an increase of nearly 20 million tourists visiting France. The result was that in 2010 the number of tourists arriving in the United States and France was almost equal at around 90 million each.The number of tourists visiting Malaysia rose steadily over the whole period but by 2010 the total was still under 50 million. The countries with the fewest tourist arrivals were Brazil and Egypt. The number of tourists going there was similar between 1995 and 2000 but after that there was a greater increase in tourists going to Egypt than to Brazil.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural quantity phrase Original: overall numbers Suggested revision: total number Why it matters: Total number is the more natural expression for the combined quantity of arrivals.
- 2. Add introductory comma Original: In 1995 over Suggested revision: In 1995, over Why it matters: A comma should separate the introductory time phrase from the main clause.
- 3. Refine data estimate Original: approximately 1,500,000 Suggested revision: about 2 million Why it matters: The graph shows a fall from roughly 92 million to 90 million over this period.
- 4. Fix number agreement Original: in the numbers going Suggested revision: in the number travelling Why it matters: Number should be singular when it refers to one total for visitors to the United States.
- 5. Separate contrast clause Original: United States whereas Suggested revision: United States, whereas Why it matters: A comma is needed before whereas when it joins these contrasting independent clauses.
- 6. Use plural comparison Original: the number of tourists arriving in the United States and France was Suggested revision: the numbers of tourists arriving in the United States and France were Why it matters: Two national totals are being compared, so both the noun and verb should be plural.
- 7. Add clause comma Original: whole period but Suggested revision: whole period, but Why it matters: A comma should precede but when it links two independent clauses.
- 8. Match two totals Original: The number of tourists going there was similar Suggested revision: The numbers of tourists going to those countries were similar Why it matters: The comparison concerns separate totals for Brazil and Egypt, requiring a plural noun and verb.
- 9. Separate overview and details Suggested revision: Divide the response into a brief overview and detail paragraphs, placing the main US-France convergence and the two lowest-arrival countries in the overview. Why it matters: A clearer paragraph structure would make the main trends easier to distinguish from supporting figures.
Suggested Rewrites
- overall numbers total number
- In 1995 over In 1995, over
- approximately 1,500,000 about 2 million
- in the numbers going in the number travelling
- United States whereas United States, whereas
- the number of tourists arriving in the United States and France was the numbers of tourists arriving in the United States and France were
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response is highly effective at selecting the graph's main patterns and supporting them with accurate, well-chosen comparisons, including the convergence of France and the United States and the lower figures for Brazil and Egypt. Its main weakness is presentation: all details are compressed into one paragraph, with a missing space after a full stop and no clearly separated overview. Add a concise overview and divide the comparisons into logical paragraphs.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response accurately selects the principal trends, compares all five countries, and supports the account with relevant figures.
Make the overview unmistakable by stating separately that all destinations rose overall while France caught the slightly declining United States by 2010.
Coherence and Cohesion
The comparisons follow a clear logical sequence and cohesive devices are well controlled, but the entire report is presented as one dense paragraph.
Separate the overview from two detail paragraphs, grouping the United States and France before the three lower-volume destinations.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied, precise, and natural for describing trends and comparisons, with only minor opportunities for stylistic refinement.
Maintain this precision while replacing informal phrasing such as numbers going to a country with tourist arrivals in that country.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used accurately, and the only conspicuous lapse is the missing space between two sentences.
Proofread sentence boundaries and spacing so that the strong grammatical control is matched by equally polished presentation.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below gives information about international tourist arrivals in five countries.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.